Splinter

Shea Whigham, Paulo Costanzo (2008) A vacationing couple and an escaped convict become trapped by a voracious parasite that devours its victims from the inside out.

Sci-Fi Saturday movie from Valentines Day. Charming. Let's see how that turns out.

Anyways, I finally got through all the other stuff on the DVR, and now just have Sci-Fi Saturday movies left. I've been reluctant to review these because, since they're the Sci-Fi Saturday movie, I feel like I actually have to pay attention to them and give them a proper review, rather than only half or quarter paying attention, and then making some snide derogatory comments, and calling it a day.

So, here goes:

According to a bit of Wikipedia research while I wait for something to happen, it seems that the premise of this movie is about 2 people seeking to "retreat to the nearby wilderness for a romantic camping trip in the ancient forests of Oklahoma". Are there ancient forests in Oklahoma? Are there even trees? Apparently there are, as this was filmed near Oklahoma City, and there are currently trees on screen. So either they have an amazing Greens department here, or they're spending all their CG money in the wrong way, or there are actually trees in Oklahoma. I like to think that its the second of the 3 options... That'll be a good reason for the CG to suck later in the movie.

And in a startling change of pace, the female character seems to be more outdoors-oriented than the male character. And apparently Jill Wagner, the female character is actually Larrin from Stargate Atlantis. You know the leader of the Travelers or whatever they were called? The hot one? Yeah, that's the one... Had a feeling she looked familiar.

Apparently the criminal thinks the original main character suffers from a case of severe "CDS"... also known as "Can't Do Shit". Perhaps I'll diagnose myself with this disease, and try to get disability pay because of it...

In other news, Ginger Ale and Arizona Green Tea is an interesting combination. Just thought you might be interested to know that...

Apparently some infections black splinter things are the monster of the week. Some sort of dog animal thing got infected by the stuff, and then they runned it over in their car. And the criminal got infected when they had to change the tire that got punctured by the critter's spikes.

You never really get a good look at the creature because this seems to follow the low-budget SciFi movie standard of really jumpy editing when action is happening...

That was a pretty fantastic commercial. I don't really know what it was for, but it involved a Scottish guy whapping people with a car's dipstick. I enjoyed it. T'was random...

And apparently this Splinter bacterium thing's MO is to make black splinter things, and make people's joints bend the wrong way.

And something tells me that a box-cutter would make a terrible amputation tool. Which is what they're currently using to amputate an infected guy's arm. Seems like they'll be a little bit screwed when they hit the bone. And, yup, they are. So they've swapped the box-cutter for a cinder block. Crude but effective.

Dude just took a shot with a shotgun at the critter that was on one side of a gas station refrigerator glass door. His girlfriend was on the other. That's either brave or really dumb... Guess it all depends on how attached he is to his girlfriend.

Oh, and by the way, the criminal had a heart of gold, predictably...