Spiders 2

Something about spiders... and a boat...

Didn't pay enough attention to care.

One thing I did notice is that everyone keeps getting hit in the jibblies...

Yay?

I just booked tickets to Hawaii. Which makes me Su's favorite. Yay me.

Look-a-likes

Barack Obama looks like Militia from American Gladiators.

But, I'd refrain from doing a Google search to verify that. Apparently it can lead to disastrous consequences...

Enemy Mine

Multiple Choice Test:

Why did I watch this movie?

A) Because there's a SG1 episode of the same name.
B) Some other reason which I'm too lazy to come up with, but is nonetheless wrong.

Yup, its A.

Stan Lee's Harpies

Some chick just called Stephen Baldwin a "Lascivious Dog-Hearted Pig-Nut". Sounds about right.

That's right, this movie is gonna be another bad sci-fi movie where I bitch about how much I dislike Stephen Baldwin. But at least he doesn't have stupid hair like most of his other roles... We'll see if another clever nickname turns up.

I've seen the king on Stargate. I just can't remember what role he played...

But its quite obvious that they film in Eastern Europe. Or that Vancouver has a significant Eastern European population. About half the people have really strong accents. Which is pretty much the high point of this movie thus far. Well, turns out that the guy isn't from Stargate after all. He's just been in a shit-ton of bad Sci-Fi movies... I naturally assumed that since I recognized him, it was from Stargate. But he does have a sweet name. Velizar Beniv or something. I realize that I just read it and switched tabs in Firefox, but I managed to forget in that really short time. I'm awesome...

Oh and Baldwin is using a breaching shotgun as a weapon... and the gold cup/goblet/things look like they're spray painted plastic... and it seems that no one is showing the love for Baldwin. He just got his self drugged. But at least he seems to be covered in shit throughout the movie... so I'm happy... a little.

I tried to watch this movie about a year ago when it was a Sci-Fi Saturday movie. But I found something better to do with my time. Let see if that trend continues...

And the Harpies have really bad teeth. Quite obviously one of those fake gums and teeth things that you put over top your own teeth. They probably got the props from one of those dispensers at the entrance of a supermarket.

and fore some reason, although they're in middle ages Europe, they've give the good Mr. Baldwin what seems to be a katana... because that makes perfect sense.

And I still need to review last Sci-Fi Saturday movie... and i guess the one that just finished showing... I'll get around to it some time...

and they're using the "oh isn't the guy from the Future's language all funny" joke too damn much...

and some blind dude just got nailed by the trebuchet. probably the best scene thus far.

although, if you're in the mood for a really shitty sword fight, this movie might be for you... although it is rather impressive how many different variations of the "Hey look, I'm gonna hold this sword/spear/arrow in my armpit or behind me or something, and make it look like i've been stabbed" thing.

And apparently harpies wear bras... FYI.

And they just captured the king dude... but he still has his sword... morons...

Random quote: "And don't fondle my undergarments". Granted I wasn't paying enough attention to have any idea what the character was talking about, but that line kinda stuck out... And needless to say, the dude fondled her undergarments. and ate her cheese. and then gott attacked by harpies, and burned himself alive...

Stan Lee should stop putting his name on Shit. I appreciate his random-ass cameos in actual good movies. But shit like Stan Lee's Lightspeed, and Stan Lee's Harpies. That shit's gotta go.

and the king dude escaped, and got captured by someone else. and yet he still has his sword. his original sword.

And Stephen Baldwin still sucks. My brother agrees.

And apparently its pronounced "Oh-belisk". Douchebags don't realize its "Aw-belisk".

This one started off as a "poke yourself in the eye", but is quickly raising in the ranks up to a "punch yourself in the dick"

And they just used the same CG shot 3 times in relatively rapid succession...

although, I think it would be quite fun to "fight" a CG monster in a sword-fight...

Invincible

You know who makes funny faces while running?

Mark Wahlberg.

You know who looks really funny while he's running? Especially when shown in slow motion?

Mark Wahlberg.

Thought it was a pretty decent movie. One of those nice, feel-good movies... Nothing too particularly good or amazing, but worth a watch nonetheless

Knight Rider: Punch Yourself in the Dick and Save Yourself the Trouble

So, yeah, that pretty much says it.

Just watched the first episode. And I'm pretty sure it'll be the last. Bionic Woman lasted about 3 episodes for me. Flash Gordon lasted an entire season. That should tell you something about what I think about this.

Basically, as the title says, just punch yourself in the dick, and it'll be a far more pleasurable organization.

Started off at a "Foreign Consulate"... Writers weren't even clever enough to come up with a particular country...

And then pretty much in between the first 2 commercial breaks, they had the main character down to her underwear. Not that I'm complaining or anything, but I think it shows a good amount of desperation. And its only the first episode.

And seriously, what could be stupider than scissors doors on a convertible...

So, as the title states, punching yourself in the dick is a more pleasurable experience than watching this show. Its like an army of midgets playing tetherball with your beanbag. Just hit yourself once, and get it over with.

And another thing I forgot. A missile locked onto the main characters heat signature or some shit. But KITT said that he/she/it had cooled the outer skin to the ambient temperature. I'm pretty sure that since its an enclosed car, and if the skin of the car was at ambient temperature, there would be no way for the missile to lock onto the dude inside the car.

And that's likely everything I'll ever say about Knight Rider.

Oops.

Forgot the most important piece of statistical trivia about that movie:

# of people I recognize for Stargate: 0

Silent Warnings

Today's blog post/movie review/thing is brought to you by Arithmetic!

Some Simple Bad Sci-Fi math, from Silent Warnings:

Or maybe just statistics...

# of Main Characters: 6
# of Main Characters that I don't care about: 6
# of scenes with crickets and stuff as back-ground noise that is supposed to be adding to the ambience, but is instead really freaking annoying: Too damn many

and now for the important statistics (what all bad sci-fi seems to be about):

# of Female Main Characters: 3
# of Female Main Characters who incessantly wear shirts that expose their midriffs: 3
# of Female Main Characters who incessantly wear shirts that expose their midriffs, with exposed thongs: 1
# of Female Main Characters who have been shown on screen in only their underwear: 2

and the piece de resistance (or whatever sort of frenchy crap you feel like using):
Stephen Baldwin = really annoying and a rather crappy actor.

Only about halfway through the movie... I might edit this post when I'm done... and true enough, I've done so.

Awesomeness

What the title says: http://garfieldminusgarfield.net/

Westworld

Yul Brynner as a Row-bittic cowboy...

got some sweet contacts... looks like his entire iris and pupil are silver... looks kinda nifty

and the guy running away from Mr. Brynner seems to be holed up in a canyon where I'm expecting R2-D2 to come bleep-blooping along and get shot by Jawas... and he just left his gat behind

and for some reason, the creators of this resort have tied the doors to the control room into the same power circuit as the rest of the resort... so when shit goes wrong, and they shut down the resort, they can't open their doors... and thus run out of air, because control rooms are apparently hermetically sealed or something... pretty sweet planning, guys...

Bad day to be robotic Yul Brynner: So far he's gotten hydrochloric acid thrown in his face and been set on fire. And he's not dead yet... and now he just inexplicably turned up next to the protagonist and inexplicably fell down some stairs and now seems to be down for the count... gotta give the man/robot some credit for persistence...

and there was really no resolution, past Mr. Brynner dying... it just sorta ended...

Navy Seals

Best part: Charlie Sheen referred to some people as "Cheese-Dicks"...

They're casting the next Stargate Show

They're apparently starting to cast the next stargate show. Its called Stargate: Universe...

Character descriptions:

Colonel Everett Young
40's handsome, capable, former SG team leader. Like the Jack O'Neill of ten years ago, but Young's edges have tended to sharpen over time. He requested permission to serve the remainder of his commission on Earth upon marrying his wife, Hailey, two years ago, but for now he's temporary commander of a secret off world base. The loss of two members of his team several years ago has taught him never to take anything for granted, and be prepared for anything. He stays on top of his team so they stay alive. STAR NAMES ONLY. SERIES REGULAR;

Tamara Jon
20-25, all ethnicities (Asian Preferably). SGC Field medic, Captain grade. Off world experience. Beautiful, tough, smart, capable. Paramedic level training. Able to triage serious injury. Modest background. Dreamed of being a doctor but couldn't afford medical school and the Air Force was her best option. She ends up being the most medically inclined person on the ship but is overwhelmed by the lack of knowledge and experience treating seriously wounded and ill patients. She also lacks the medicine and supplies and has to make do. SERIES REGULAR;

Chloe Carpenter
20ish. Stunning and sexy. Daughter of a U.S. Senator. Silver spoon upbringing and a little spoiled but not stupid either. Politically and socially savvy. Dreams of following in her father's footsteps but for now she's a bit of a party girl in her first year at an Ivy League school. Her father's tragic death and the dire circumstances of being trapped on a spaceship seriously tests her character. SERIES REGULAR;

Eli Hitchcock
20-25. Total slacker. Utter genius. Mathematics, computers, anything he puts his mind to. Acerbic sense of humor. A social outcast. Comes from a broken home. Lacks confidence because his true intelligence has never really been recognized like Matt Damon's character from Good Will Hunting with a little Jack Black thrown in sptv050769. SERIES REGULAR;

Lt. Jared Nash
20-25. Junior S.G.C. team member. Officer material but green and rough around the edges. Every teenage girl's fantasy. Like a college quarterback thrown into his first pro game, he is thrust into the role of leader well before he's ready for the responsibility and must learn to take command, earn respect through action, and manage the diverse personalities on the ship to keep everyone alive. Like Jason Bourne, he is skilled and well-trained however he is mentally unprepared for the urgency of the situation. SERIES REGULAR;

Ron "Psycho" Stasiak
20, all ethnicities. Marine. Big, strong, silent. You want him on your side. You don't want him mad at you. Lacks control over his temper in non combat situations. His past is a mystery but it's clear something dark formed the hard shell around him. Yet, there must also be some moral center because otherwise he'd kill everyone around him. Think Eric Bana's character "Hoot" in Blackhawk Down. SERIES REGULAR.

So, anyone who happens to know anyone in the TV business, or any Stargate Producers who happen to frequent my blog, take note. My birthday is coming up, and a role on the new Stargate series would be an appropriate birthday present...

And you might end up at the top of my reader rankings... but no promises...

Another Old Dead Dude

Richard Wright apparently just kicked the bucket... And for those who don't know who he is/was, he played keyboards for Pink Fkoyd. And also apparently sang lead vocals a few times, including on "Wearing the Inside Out" on "The Division Bell" album.

Which is a really and truly fantastic album. Its not as famous as The Wall or The Dark Side of The Moon, but its been the Pink Floyd album that I've been listening to the most.

I'd highly recommend giving it a listen.

Stuff I learned from War Movies

Well, actually just WWII War Movies:

Things which require incredible balls:

Taking a B-25 bomber off the deck of an aircraft carrier

Landing anything on an aircraft carrier

Dive bombing.

Ba'al: The Storm God

Jeremy London, Lexa Doig (2008) An archaeologist unleashes a violent storm after he releases an anceint god from captivity (2:00) NR. NEW

I'll start off this review my mentioning that I have to pee, and I have a wedgie... I'm gonna have to go ahead an amend both of those things before I continue...

And they seem to be pronouncing it "B-Al" as in the name Al, preceded by a "B" sound. Rather than the more popular "Bale" or "Ball".

And apparently some thing has been buried... there are 4 of them (representing air, earth, fire, and water). And their buried in their "elemental opposite". The fire one is apparently buried in water... and the theory is that the Earth one is buried in "that which is as pure as air"... which is apparently ice... because ice totally isn't made of water... but they are making a point of calling it "pure ice"... which i guess is totally different...

Although some guy just said Ball in one sentence, and B-Al in the next...

Needs more shooting. Or, really, anything but random digging, and a bit of storming... and right on cue, Big Ben, and London Bridge just got destroyed by a storm... and there goes Brooklyn Bridge.

And Cliff Simon makes a better Ba'al than the random cloud face from this movie...

And the Deus Ex Machina is the use of L or El or Ell or Elle or something... who is apparently B-Al's father.

And they have a countdown to detonation... which hits 0, but apparently is actually only a countdown to launch, as the weapon they're using is well over 10 seconds away from actually detonating...

and i think the same pane of glass shattered twice...

So, the moral of this story is, go outside or something... or take a nap... it'll be far superior to watching this piece of crap... nothing really happens...

And next week: Dark Corners: A pregnant woman has disturbing visions of a serial killer and a mysterious look-alike.

Dark Storm

Stephen Baldwin, William B. Davis (2006) A scientist gains the ability to control the weather after an experimental weapon malfunctions. (2:00) TV-14.

That's what my DVR says... off we go...

So, they're apparently trying to extract Dark Matter... A process which apparently takes 25 seconds... whoda thunk you could do it that quickly... being that its all dark... and mattery. or matterish? i dunno.

And in case you were wondering, Stephen Baldwin is the crappy Baldwin brother... and not related to the awesomeness that is Stephen Baldwin of Jayne Cobb fame...

And I knew I remembered the name William B. Davis from somewhere. The Cigarette smoking man of The X-Files fame, and also one of the Priors of the Ori from SG-1. Very distinct face...

and apparently Dark Matter should only be collected in space. Thank you Gimley Experiment for teaching us that vital fact...

apparently they've made a weapon that uses Dark Matter to dissolve targets... but Stephen Baldwin seems to have been infused with the Dark Matter's essence.... I'll need to come up with a clever name for him... Referring to him by name, just isn't cutting it... Perhaps HolyCrap MyHairIsTerrible... hmm... we'll see... but, honestly, what kind of parents would name their kid HolyCrap... and his encounter with the dark matter has given him fantastic new powers, such as making lightbulbs flicker... oh, the humanity...

and Baldy McGoo (not HolyCrap's new name, by the way) is apparently in league with some shadowy organization... oh yeah, i should probably tell you that he seems to be HolyCrap's partner type guy...

and FYI, there are chocolate chip muffin chunks in my goattee.. That makes my goattee tasty...

And in other news, I seem to have changed my default naming scheme from "Larry" to "XXXX McXXXX"...

and apparently in Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, you can chop AT-STs in half. Vertically. That is all sorts of awesome...

Looks like this is gonna be a rather short review... mainly because its almost 1 in the morning, this ins't a very good movie, in that nothing really interesting is happening, and I have gas.

and apparently Sgt. Bates from Atlantis is on the next episode of Eureka...

ah, screw this... I'm going to bed. I'll pick this up tomorrow...

And now that the movie's over, we're all going to pretend that this viewing never happend.

These aren't the droids you're looking for.

My Review Process

In response to Su's last comment:

I review things which I watch...

And I have no idea what my readers have already seen, so I figure its best to review the randomest of things, just so my readers can be exposed to the full spectrum of movies... that air on the Sci-Fi Channel.

And now for my review of Lethal Weapon 2:

Mel Gibson's mullet is awesome... and the MP5K with the SEF receiver is rather an interestingly attractive gun. Far superior to the Navy trigger group. And now I may get around to finishing watching the movie...

Best line so far: "Have your brains ever seen the light of day?" And someone just got blowed up jumping off a diving board... I laughed... and now some bitches just got themselves Nail-Gunned... That is why you do not mess with a mustache as large as Danny Glover's...

And I noticed this in Pearl Harbor, too, but I didn't mention it: The vortices in smoke and mist caused by the wing-tip turbulence of aircraft looks really nifty...

And true to form, I have to pee. FYI.

And now another reason to watch this movie: The noise that some South African Hitman guy makes when Mel Gibson sneaks up behind him and uses him as a human shield...

I have to say, when Mullet McCrazyEyes puts his mind to taking down the bad guys in their hideout, he certainly does it in style... and it looked like he was gonna stab someone in the jibblies in a knife fight, but the struggle ended up with only a stomach stabbing...

and BadGuy McGee was using a Mauser C96... which for those un-enlightened amongst you, is the Han Solo gun, without the fanciness attached... which makes him awesome... but sadly, he only had it in his last scene... so he died before he could channel the true awesomeness that is the Mauser...

Death Tunnel

Well, another dose of Sci-Fi Saturday movies... I'm still working on the appropriate level of detail for these things, so, bear with me...

Apparaently there was some sort of plague in a Kentucky sanitorium, so they created a tunnel to take the bodies away so no one would notice... apparently, its based on true events... I'm guessing, in that sanitoriums exists, as does death, and as do tunnels...

although, after a bit of Wikipedia-ness, it seems its based on stories of hauntings in an actual sanitorium...

Random dude seems to have a Testarossa... not too shabby for what initially seems to be a college student... even though we haven't seen his face... which probably means he's the evil one...

and there's apparently some party at this sanitorium, where the females are encouraged to wear provocative lingerie... yup, definitely a Sci-Fi Original movie... OK.. it seems the party wasn't at the sanitorium, but people were kidnapped from the party and brought to the sanitorium... something about 5 girls on 5 different floors of the sanitorium, and 5 different ghosts... or some shit...

The director seems to have decided that the best way to build suspense is to not stay in a single shot for longer than a few seconds... and he really seems to be trying to channel a Saw-ish vibe.... but without the rip your freaking head off traps... Turns out, the place this was filmed is one of the scariest places on earth... probably due to the really shitty decor, and the random slim dripping off shit... and the fact that you can't look at anything for longer than a few seconds without abruptly shifting, or shaking violently, or randomly having a flashback about the way the sanitorium used to be... in black and white, of course...

and apparently, while lightly tapping a glass window with the but of your flashlight, yhou can shatter the glass, and cut your hand really badly... which seems like it wouldn't be the best of plans in somewhere as dirty as this... especially if you're playing the role of rich slutty bitch's henchwoman...

and apparently, slutty rich bitch has decided that its time to take a shower in the sanitorium as a method to taunt her boyfriend... and now shes's covered in what seems to be tomato soup... mixed with orange glow-stick stuff... and apparently after her shower, it seemed that the best choice of clothes for her was wapping herself in a shower curtain, rather than putting her clothes back on...

and i have to pee... but luckily its a commercial break...

and now apparently, Main Girl's friend is completely bat-shit insane...

and now after a few day hiatus, I'm back to this... and I don't have to pee anymore...

And apparently its now only 4 girls... and I can feel myself physically get stupider as this movie progresses... I think my brains are attempting to leave my skull through my left ear... they're going on strike...

and apparently Main Girl's friend isn't the only bat-shit insane one... oh wait, nope... its her again... but luckily Main Girl now has a fire-ax... which she will most likely drop at the first sign of trouble, knowing this type of movie... and the friend is still insane...

Well, there's only 3 girls now... hopefully that means the movie's almost over... and apparently everyone has the same necklace... and now that the movie is nearing its conclusion, the acting is getting worse and worse... the necklace is apparently from the sanitorium, and patients had to wear it if they had a particular disease... and seriously... if you're ever in some sort of mortal danger, don't ever use the phrase "over my dead body"... because it means you are well and truly fucked...

Although I'm really hoping for the standard Bad Sci-Fi Movie Deus Ex Machina of Government Helicopters With Guns On Them coming in to save the day at the last minute...

And there's just been a very drastic change in the score... it used to be sort of a classical score, but now that the guys are running away from some randomly ugly dude, its very death-metalish... and I discovered the problem with Death Metal: I couldn't tell if there was a dude "singing" or if it was just something dragging along the floor... turns out it was the thing dragging on the floor...

It seems all the girls have been possessed by the ghosts of nurses who killed themselves in the sanitorium... and we still haven't seen the "death tunnel" yet... but its been mentioned... and its apparently daytime now... i thought it was the middle of the night..

Philip Adrian Booth: You suck. You cut, edited, and something-elsed this travesty of a movie...

So, just to tell you what I thought of this movie: I found doing my laundry was a more compelling activity than paying attention...

So, next up is Ba'al: The Storm God. From 2008: An archaeologist unleashes a violent storm after he releases an ancient god from captivity. Tonights Sci-Fi Saturday movie. Starring Jeremy London, and Lexa Doig (Dr. Lam from Stargate SG-1 and that random Sexual Harassment Councilor that's showed up twice in Eureka) Comes on tonight. I'll review it when I get around to it...

Training Montage

Why does everyone wear a winter hat/tuque/beanie whenever they're training?

I'm watching an episode of Charlie Jade, and 01 Boxer was getting back into shape after getting shot, and was wearing one... and now he's taking a shower fully clothed, singing "Figaro".

Which would make only slightly more sense if you actually had seen the show before... mainly the showering part, not the singing part...

Pearl Harbor

So, I seem to remember this is a Michael Bay film... But all I've seen is Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett trying to pick up chicks... and no explosions... This movie sucks...

But I suppose, this movie is worthy of being mocked on the Team America soundtrack, so I guess that should have tipped me off...

FYI: the Supermarine Spitfire is an attractive airplane.

Isn't a wing-man's job to keep the enemies off of the leader's tail? Because Affleck's wingman informed him of the gob of enemies on his tail, and didn't get around to doing anything about it... worst wingman ever... Got his ass shot down... and apparently got his ass killed. or not... he did get top billing, so I probably could have guess, had I cared...

and now Hartnett and Affleck are fighting... who wins in that scenario? Everyone...

halfway through the movie, and really the only thing that has blown up is one German bomber... I'm dissapointed Michael Bay... although the Japanese are launching right now... so that might change shortly

oh shit... they've blown of Cuba Gooding Jr's hat... I guess that means he's pissed now... and they killed the cap'n... shit's on now....

Dude needs to learn to lead his targets... and i'm pretty sure he just strafed the shit out of the side of a neighboring ship with that twin 50-cal... but he shot down a Jap... Big damn hero...

and they're using M1928 Thompsons... AKA Drum mag, ribbed barrel, large flash-hider, bolt handle on the top of the receiver... rather than the M1 Thompson...

Jury's still out on the attractiveness of the P40 and the Zero... Although the P40 does look a lot better in the air than sitting on the tarmac. The P40 does seem to have the edge in survivability, though. Mitsubishi in their quest for speed and maneuverability declined to add armor or self-sealing fuel tanks to the Zeros...

and now there's some random crap no one cares about in between the attack on Pearl Harbor and Doolittle's raid...

I'm wondering about the whole 467 feet of runway thing for taking a B-25s off the deck of a carrier. The deck of an aircraft carrier is decently elevated off the sea... so, you'd get a bit of extra space to gather speed before you hit the ocean... granted that I wouldn't want to be the one launching a heavier-than-air plane off the front of a huge honking ship with insufficient airspeed to actually fly... Taking a ground-based bomber off of the deck of an aircraft carrier takes some incredible balls... that's really all I have to say about that topic...

and I can only think of Homer Simpson's alter ego when they keep yelling "Max Power" when they're taking off...

So we'll see how this depiction of the Doolittle raid compares to the movie "30 Seconds Over Tokyo", which had, with only a little bit of exagerration, about 30 seconds of footage of the actual bombing range, with the rest of the movie dealing with training, some random love story, and the air crews evading capture after they land in China...

Well Michael Bay was true to form, making the Tokyo Raid more dynamic, having all the bombers bunched together, and using the Hollywood axiom of "Anything is bettter with bigger explosions". And add in a good dose of illogic, such as flying just over the level of the explosions, and you've got yourself a pretty good raid going on... But I guess it worked for the Japanese when they flew almost at ground level earlier in the attack.

And they didn't specifically call out potentially the best named aircraft ever: The Ruptured Duck.

Eureka

Have I ever mentioned that Eureka is awesome?

I really like what they're doing with the current season... Actually all the seasons... they have sort of stand alone plots for every episode, but each episode has a little bit about the larger season-long story arc. And its fantastic.

And I don't really have to pee right now...

Fall TV

Well, the Fall TV seasons have started...

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles premiers tonight, Prison Break premiered last week, Eureka's been on for a while, and Stargate: Atlantis, too.

FYI

Bad Boys II

I'm pretty sure its a Michael Bay movie... started watching a little ways into the movie... and there's a ridiculuosly long circular dolly shot with a bunch of shooting... Nothing's exploded yet, but we've only been watching for a few minutes...

and apparently polar bears can't swim... because they're dying due to a lack of ice...

and holy crap... the sunglasses that pass for stylish these days are completely ridiculous...

now there have been a couple of car chases, and a ambulance ramming a building... and now a boat/helicopter chase... with shooting...

and now there in cuba... with one metric buttload of guns... and now the explosions start... and lots of shooting

and now a bright yellow Hummer H2 is driving down a hill through a shanty town while shit explodes randomly around it... definitely a Michael Bay movie... and a slow motion shot of a dead guy falling onto a mine in a pit of sand...

I must say, this is a rather enjoyable movie... I rather enjoyed the dynamic between the characters portrayed by Will Smith and Martin Lawrence... Adds a bit of humor to a movie that could otherwise just be random action, explosions, and vehicle chases...

Hitman (the movie)

I was rather disappointed that he didn't call himself Tobias Rieper, as he does in the games... but whatever...

Anyways, the movie is essentially how I play the game, and not how its probably supposed to be played...

but whatever... its an action movie... and that's all that needs to be said about it...

Reptilian

So, a bad sci-fi movie about basically, a godzilla analogue, that got re-animated by aliens

and has potentially the worst voice acting ever... no character is quite as bad as that snake guy from that Lightspeed movie, but darn near everyone in the movie can't act for shit...

and there's some general guy is named "Boom Boom"... and he's incessantly smoking a cigar... I'm guessing they were trying to make him a Curtis LeMay analogue... I wonder if they realize he was Air Force and not Army.

and there's bad CG....

and apparently in this world, they need to get "missile locks" for rocket pods on helicopters...

seriously.... terrible acting... just wanted you to know...

oh yeah... and there was a scene in the aftermath of the first monster attack, where there were a bunch of flattened dudes in a gigantic footprint... and for some reason some dude is pick-axing one of them...

and the aliens use "some sort of electronic particles... some sort of light force" to teleport gigantor alien monster critter things...

and apparently they have a Non-Continuity Drive... allowing them to be right next to the earth one moment, and then right next to the moon...

and apparently since a helicopter attack didn't do any good, they decided that shotguns and 9-mils would be a good idea...

And the strategy to defeat advanced military hardware, including copious amounts of missiles launched from F-16... is to duck... and apparently the "Eagles Squad" of fighters can't shoot for shit (i.e. blowing up a shit ton of buildings in a city with their missiles while missing horribly) nad they fly Fighting Falcons...

and apparently according to Captain Jetpack, compared to this guy (the critter), Godzilla is a pansy... or something... and they seem to have named the critter Gary...

and now Gary has turned good for some reason, and the aliens activated some other critter to fight it... picture 2 really crappy CG characters fighting in a city made of really crappy models... and the new critter can shoot lazers with its tail... and apparently doesn't need its head to live... and apparently gary just died, for no apparent reason.

and theres some random ass stuffed animal thing in the war room...

and apparently the aliens pinned all their invasion hopes on gary and other critter... and now that one turned against them, and the other died, they were pretty much like "Screw it, we'll come back later..."

Random Excerpt from Charlie Jade

01 Boxer: You really gave me a beating. I'm impressed.
Charlie Jade: There's something about you that's very... motivational.

So, Charlie Jade's a sci-fi show that's airing now... it was originally broadcast some time ago, and is now showing at some absurd time on the Sci-Fi channel... used to be on Sci-fi Friday, but i guess they demoted it to Tuesday at 3 in the morning or something...

Anyways, it takes place in multiple alternate universes in Capetown. Well, its called Cape City in Alphaverse, Capetown in Betaverse, and who knows what in Gammaverse. Oh, and Beta... its totally pronounced Beeeeeeta. Cuz they're in South Africa...

Anyways, it starts off rather slow, but its worth watching... but only from the start... its really a show that you need to know whats going on, or you're not going to understand a damn thing...

oh, and I forgot to mention: I have to pee...

I'm Blogging Again

Guess what that means...

Yup... It means I have to pee.

That is all.

RIP Talking Dude

Apparently the Movie Trailer Voice Over Guy just kicked the bucket relatively recently...

So, RIP that guy...

And apparently RIP doesn't stand for Rest in Piece... it stands for some Latin phrase that means the same damn thing... FYI

Hrm....

Well, it seems my Stream of Consciousness blogging didn't go over too well...

Tough bananas...

I'll probably be doing the Stream of Consciousness stuff for the Sci-Fi Saturday movies, and just regular short summaries for other ones...

So: Stan Lee's Lightspeed.

By getting his junk radiationed by some Snake-dude, some guy who looks really familiar gets the ability to run at the speed of light... And somehow doesn't manage to obliterate shit... just a little bit of punching and stuff, but no large scale fucking-shit-up... and seriously, the guy who acted as the Snake-dude was potentially the worst voice actor I've ever heard...

And now: Monster Ark

The premise in this one is that for some reason there was a first Noah's Ark, which held some really nasty prehistoric creature... And then some scientists find it, and inevitably release it... And then recapture it at the end of the movie...

But the Indiana Jones parallels were amazing... the whole swap one thing for another thing on a pedestal, which looks like it works, but then actually triggers a trap, which almost kills Mr. Archeologist man... And the final scene of the Ark being packed away in a secret government warehouse full of other boxes... and probably some others that I can't remember (it was a few weeks ago, but I never got around to it...)

Oh, and Dominic Purcell has a gigantically enormous head... That is all I have to say about Prison Break.