Monday, September 28, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
2009 Singapore Grand Prix
So, the two Brawns of Rubens Barichello and championship-leader Jenson Button are quite a few points in front of blog favorite Sebastian Vettel and his Red Bull teammate Mark Webber.
So, in qualifying for this race, Jenson Button didn't make it into the third session of qualifying, so he's somewhere down in 12th or so on the grid. Vettel is 2nd, and Webber 4th. The final person who still has a chance to win the championship, Barichello, crashed near the end of qualifying, and brought the session to an end, while he was in fifth. However, since he had to change his gearbox ahead of schedule, he took a 5 grid-spot penalty down to 10th. But then there was some sort of penalty to another car bumped him up to 9th. I still don't understand how he could still line up in his grid position since he crashed heavily, and pretty much demolished his car.
So, this might be an interesting race due to the championship. But, since its a street circuit, and thus very narrow, there might not be a lot of over-taking, but lets see...
Kind of a poopy start for Vettel. 3rd into the first few corners, and held off an attack from Alonso's Renault. You might remember Alonso as a general, all-around cockbag, and the controversial winner of last year's race here. And by controversial, I mean that his teammate (the ever so useless Nelson Piquet Jr.) crashed on purpose at a specific time to the benefit his teammate.
After a few laps, Vettel still in 3rd, Webber in 4th, Barichello in 7th, and Button out of the points in 10th.
And Nico Rosberg crossed a line he shouldn't have on the pit exit, so he has to serve a drive through penalty right before a safety car period due to Adrian Sutil running into Nick Heidfeld. Nick Heidfeld who had the longest running streak of consecutive race finishes (brought to an end through no fault of his own), and who is also a much loved driver in this household, due to his bearded German-ness.
Standings of those we care about immediately after the safety car period:
Rosberg 2
Vettel 3
Bareichello 6
Button 8th
Webber 9th
And remember that Rosberg still has to serve that drive through penatly. That'll fuck him pretty well, since he has only 3 laps to do it, and the field is really bunched up due to the safety car. Rejoined in 14th after the penalty. That fucked him proper good. Which bumps everyone up one spot.
And a definite boneheaded move by Torro Rosso rookie Jaime Algersuari: Started out of his pit area before anyone was ready, taking his fuel rig with him, and knocking over a couple of his pit crew. Shades of last year's race when Felipe Massa dragged the entire fuel rig down the pit lane after a malfunction in the lighting device telling when to go. No such excuse for Algersuari, as he almost ran down his lollipop guy.
Also, this circuit is really tight, with relatively few run-off areas. It has got to be downright terrifying do drive at any sort of speed.
Pretty good race in the middle for the lead between reigning World Champion Lewis Hamilton and the ever so amazing Vettel.
And another thing I haven't mentioned is that Vettel is using his final new engine for the season. Each driver gets a grand total of 8 engines for the season. It didn't really help that Vettel lost 2 engines at Valencia earlier in the year.
And now a drive through for Vettel for speeding in the pits. Lets see how bad that screws him over... Comes out in 9th. But a bunch of people ahead of him still have pit stops to make. Vettel's good to go to the end. Although he ran wide and went over one of the kerbs, and damaged his diffuser. And if you remember the blog posts from the earlier part of the season, where there was a lot of discussion of the legality of the "double diffuser" on the Williams, Brawn, and Toyota cars. So, obviously, the diffuser is an important part of the aerodynamic package of the car.
And Webber just lost his brakes, and puts himself into the wall. Thus end his championship chances. And now they just pulled both Torro Rosso cars from the race. Both of which share a very similar chassis to the Red Bull chassis. In addition, both the Torro Rossos and the Red Bulls share the same brakes. So, what does that spell for Vettel's race, and more importantly his brakes? Who knows... I'll let you know.
OK, I'll admit. This race was actually a lot more exciting and nerve-wracking for Vettel fans than I originally would have thought. Vettel's into 4th, with Button in 5th and Barrichello in 6th.
And apparently after losing pieces of his diffuser and his rear-view mirror, Vettel still seems to be on pace.
Also, Jenson Button sounds completely hilarious on the radio.
And despite my urgings, neither of the Brawns seem to be running into each other, or putting themselves into a wall. I'm sad...
And now Button seems to be having some brake issues as well... Hopefully that should mean that he won't be able to push Vettel as much... And since this is F1, it's push. It'd be poosh if it were in MotoGP.
Sadly it looks like we won't be seeing Kimi on the podium this race. With 2 laps to go, he's in 10th. That is a shame, as he is a fantastic podium-interviewee.
So, Vettel is no 25 points behind Button in the Championship, with 3 races (a total of 30 possible points) left to win. Barichello is 15 points behind Button (and thus 10 points ahead of Vettel). Webber now has no chance, as he is 32.5 points adrift.
So, in qualifying for this race, Jenson Button didn't make it into the third session of qualifying, so he's somewhere down in 12th or so on the grid. Vettel is 2nd, and Webber 4th. The final person who still has a chance to win the championship, Barichello, crashed near the end of qualifying, and brought the session to an end, while he was in fifth. However, since he had to change his gearbox ahead of schedule, he took a 5 grid-spot penalty down to 10th. But then there was some sort of penalty to another car bumped him up to 9th. I still don't understand how he could still line up in his grid position since he crashed heavily, and pretty much demolished his car.
So, this might be an interesting race due to the championship. But, since its a street circuit, and thus very narrow, there might not be a lot of over-taking, but lets see...
Kind of a poopy start for Vettel. 3rd into the first few corners, and held off an attack from Alonso's Renault. You might remember Alonso as a general, all-around cockbag, and the controversial winner of last year's race here. And by controversial, I mean that his teammate (the ever so useless Nelson Piquet Jr.) crashed on purpose at a specific time to the benefit his teammate.
After a few laps, Vettel still in 3rd, Webber in 4th, Barichello in 7th, and Button out of the points in 10th.
And Nico Rosberg crossed a line he shouldn't have on the pit exit, so he has to serve a drive through penalty right before a safety car period due to Adrian Sutil running into Nick Heidfeld. Nick Heidfeld who had the longest running streak of consecutive race finishes (brought to an end through no fault of his own), and who is also a much loved driver in this household, due to his bearded German-ness.
Standings of those we care about immediately after the safety car period:
Rosberg 2
Vettel 3
Bareichello 6
Button 8th
Webber 9th
And remember that Rosberg still has to serve that drive through penatly. That'll fuck him pretty well, since he has only 3 laps to do it, and the field is really bunched up due to the safety car. Rejoined in 14th after the penalty. That fucked him proper good. Which bumps everyone up one spot.
And a definite boneheaded move by Torro Rosso rookie Jaime Algersuari: Started out of his pit area before anyone was ready, taking his fuel rig with him, and knocking over a couple of his pit crew. Shades of last year's race when Felipe Massa dragged the entire fuel rig down the pit lane after a malfunction in the lighting device telling when to go. No such excuse for Algersuari, as he almost ran down his lollipop guy.
Also, this circuit is really tight, with relatively few run-off areas. It has got to be downright terrifying do drive at any sort of speed.
Pretty good race in the middle for the lead between reigning World Champion Lewis Hamilton and the ever so amazing Vettel.
And another thing I haven't mentioned is that Vettel is using his final new engine for the season. Each driver gets a grand total of 8 engines for the season. It didn't really help that Vettel lost 2 engines at Valencia earlier in the year.
And now a drive through for Vettel for speeding in the pits. Lets see how bad that screws him over... Comes out in 9th. But a bunch of people ahead of him still have pit stops to make. Vettel's good to go to the end. Although he ran wide and went over one of the kerbs, and damaged his diffuser. And if you remember the blog posts from the earlier part of the season, where there was a lot of discussion of the legality of the "double diffuser" on the Williams, Brawn, and Toyota cars. So, obviously, the diffuser is an important part of the aerodynamic package of the car.
And Webber just lost his brakes, and puts himself into the wall. Thus end his championship chances. And now they just pulled both Torro Rosso cars from the race. Both of which share a very similar chassis to the Red Bull chassis. In addition, both the Torro Rossos and the Red Bulls share the same brakes. So, what does that spell for Vettel's race, and more importantly his brakes? Who knows... I'll let you know.
OK, I'll admit. This race was actually a lot more exciting and nerve-wracking for Vettel fans than I originally would have thought. Vettel's into 4th, with Button in 5th and Barrichello in 6th.
And apparently after losing pieces of his diffuser and his rear-view mirror, Vettel still seems to be on pace.
Also, Jenson Button sounds completely hilarious on the radio.
And despite my urgings, neither of the Brawns seem to be running into each other, or putting themselves into a wall. I'm sad...
And now Button seems to be having some brake issues as well... Hopefully that should mean that he won't be able to push Vettel as much... And since this is F1, it's push. It'd be poosh if it were in MotoGP.
Sadly it looks like we won't be seeing Kimi on the podium this race. With 2 laps to go, he's in 10th. That is a shame, as he is a fantastic podium-interviewee.
So, Vettel is no 25 points behind Button in the Championship, with 3 races (a total of 30 possible points) left to win. Barichello is 15 points behind Button (and thus 10 points ahead of Vettel). Webber now has no chance, as he is 32.5 points adrift.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus
Deborah Gibson, Lorenzo Lamas (2009) A battle between two prehistoric sea creatures endangers the California coast.
Syfy Saturday movie from 8/29.
In case you were wondering, this movie is proof that whales explode when they run into glaciers. FYI.
Also, I should probably mention that this is one of those "The Asylum" movies. So we all know it's gonna be awesome.
Uh... what the hell... a giant shark just ate a 747. At altitude...
In other news, The Asylum doesn't know the difference between a destroyer and a battleship. And they just showed the giant shark closing on the "destroyer" from the side. And yet the ship's main guns are firing directly forwards. No change of angle, no elevation.
And now (approximately 1 hour later) the giant shark just ate a battleship. Or, bit a battleship in half, to be more accurate. And now it took a huge chunk out of the Golden Gate Bridge. And then they lost it on their scopes. Honestly, how hard can it be to find a shark that utterly out-sizes a battleship inside San Francisco Bay? Since their amazing plan seemed to be to lure the shark into the Bay, and then do something about it, it would seem that they should be prepared for that eventuality. But, then you'd be far too optimistic. After all we've still got a half an hour of movie left.
And then about 18 hours later, the movie's finally done.... It ended somehow. And I don't know or care why or how.
Syfy Saturday movie from 8/29.
In case you were wondering, this movie is proof that whales explode when they run into glaciers. FYI.
Also, I should probably mention that this is one of those "The Asylum" movies. So we all know it's gonna be awesome.
Uh... what the hell... a giant shark just ate a 747. At altitude...
In other news, The Asylum doesn't know the difference between a destroyer and a battleship. And they just showed the giant shark closing on the "destroyer" from the side. And yet the ship's main guns are firing directly forwards. No change of angle, no elevation.
And now (approximately 1 hour later) the giant shark just ate a battleship. Or, bit a battleship in half, to be more accurate. And now it took a huge chunk out of the Golden Gate Bridge. And then they lost it on their scopes. Honestly, how hard can it be to find a shark that utterly out-sizes a battleship inside San Francisco Bay? Since their amazing plan seemed to be to lure the shark into the Bay, and then do something about it, it would seem that they should be prepared for that eventuality. But, then you'd be far too optimistic. After all we've still got a half an hour of movie left.
And then about 18 hours later, the movie's finally done.... It ended somehow. And I don't know or care why or how.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
No More Movies
I'm not going to watch any more movies tonight. While that may be an obvious choice, due to the lateness of the hour, that is not the reason I am making this post. It is because I am apparently cursed with watching the shittiest of the shitty movies today. And I'd rather not continue that trend. So, I'll stop for now, and hope for better luck at some future date.
Pooping is Fun Again!
Well, maybe fun is the wrong word, but its a lot less terrifying now, and a lot more pleasurable. Now that my bathroom lights work again, and the toilet seat isn't broken. Previously, you'd be pooping in the dark, and if you shifted your weight improperly, there was a decent chance that you'd end up in the drink. Which, while being a euphemism for going into the water, seems wholly inappropriate when talking about ending up in the toilet. Especially when you're in the middle of takin' care of business. So, we're gonna go ahead and forget I ever said that.
Anyways, I'm about an entire Climbing magazine behind in my can reading, due to these previously poor pooping circumstances. I tried to ensure that most of my pooping was done at work, and when I did poop at home, I was spending too much effort concentrating on not falling in.
So, now I can poop in peace again. The world is a much better place than it was earlier this week.
Anyways, I'm about an entire Climbing magazine behind in my can reading, due to these previously poor pooping circumstances. I tried to ensure that most of my pooping was done at work, and when I did poop at home, I was spending too much effort concentrating on not falling in.
So, now I can poop in peace again. The world is a much better place than it was earlier this week.
Tornado: Nature Unleashed
Daniel Bernhardt, Ruth Platt (2004) A massive tornado threatens the lives of a journalist, a producer and a town of Gypsies.
Again, it really annoys me how they leave out the comma before the final part of a list. But you should already know that, unless you actually haven't been reading my blog all too much...
And there was just a scene where a guitar flew by, being propelled by a tornado. I guess Twister had the monopoly on cows and stuff, and the Wizard of Oz had darn near everything else, so they had to get something quirky.
Also, this movie wasn't a Syfy Saturday or Sunday movie, so I really don't feel compelled in any way to ensure that I finish watching and/or reviewing this movie. Especially if it sucks...
And some guy was strapped to a Combine while he was filming a tornado. And for some reason, he decided the best way to convince his son to go back in the house was to unbuckle himself from the combine. And get blown away by the tornado. Way to go, moron.
In fact, I'm relatively certain that I won't be finished this one. The only reason I recorded it is because I've seen all sorts of other "Nature Unleashed" movies, ranging from Fire to Volcano, to probably a few other ones. Might as well complete the set. Or not, because they're all terrible.
And for some reason, a movie about tornadoes seems to involve a good amount of good vs. evil stuff... Rather nonsensically, though...
I think this one should be called "Shit: Nature Unleashed". Its that bad. Remember how I complained about the really annoyingly stereotypical Italian accents that everyone had in that Volcano one? This one's the same thing, only with Romania, rather than Italy. Only since no one really knows what a Romanian accent is, they've just gone with a generic Russian-type accent. With heavily emphasized rolling of the "H" sound. Even in words where there is no "H" sound. Like "are". And it kinda sounds like the actors are unaccustomed to rolling their consonant sounds. Because it sounds completely forced, and completely unnatural. Even though those last two things mean exactly the same thing.
Which reminds me of the really stupid joke: What do you call the guy running down the hall of the UN? "Russian". And the follow-up: What do you call the guy in the bathroom of the UN? "European".
Pure comedy gold.
And quite possibly the most important thing I learned while watching this movie was that I need more chocolate sauce. And more ice cream while I'm at it. Got about one serving left...
Bottom line: Don't watch this movie. Ever. No matter how much you're tempted. Although, I have no idea why you would be tempted...
Again, it really annoys me how they leave out the comma before the final part of a list. But you should already know that, unless you actually haven't been reading my blog all too much...
And there was just a scene where a guitar flew by, being propelled by a tornado. I guess Twister had the monopoly on cows and stuff, and the Wizard of Oz had darn near everything else, so they had to get something quirky.
Also, this movie wasn't a Syfy Saturday or Sunday movie, so I really don't feel compelled in any way to ensure that I finish watching and/or reviewing this movie. Especially if it sucks...
And some guy was strapped to a Combine while he was filming a tornado. And for some reason, he decided the best way to convince his son to go back in the house was to unbuckle himself from the combine. And get blown away by the tornado. Way to go, moron.
In fact, I'm relatively certain that I won't be finished this one. The only reason I recorded it is because I've seen all sorts of other "Nature Unleashed" movies, ranging from Fire to Volcano, to probably a few other ones. Might as well complete the set. Or not, because they're all terrible.
And for some reason, a movie about tornadoes seems to involve a good amount of good vs. evil stuff... Rather nonsensically, though...
I think this one should be called "Shit: Nature Unleashed". Its that bad. Remember how I complained about the really annoyingly stereotypical Italian accents that everyone had in that Volcano one? This one's the same thing, only with Romania, rather than Italy. Only since no one really knows what a Romanian accent is, they've just gone with a generic Russian-type accent. With heavily emphasized rolling of the "H" sound. Even in words where there is no "H" sound. Like "are". And it kinda sounds like the actors are unaccustomed to rolling their consonant sounds. Because it sounds completely forced, and completely unnatural. Even though those last two things mean exactly the same thing.
Which reminds me of the really stupid joke: What do you call the guy running down the hall of the UN? "Russian". And the follow-up: What do you call the guy in the bathroom of the UN? "European".
Pure comedy gold.
And quite possibly the most important thing I learned while watching this movie was that I need more chocolate sauce. And more ice cream while I'm at it. Got about one serving left...
Bottom line: Don't watch this movie. Ever. No matter how much you're tempted. Although, I have no idea why you would be tempted...
High Plains Invaders (again)
I now remember why I stopped watching this and went and watched Top Gear. Its pretty tewwible. Oh, I'm sorry. I meant "watchin' " as opposed to "watching".
And as I suspected: It was shifty scientist guy's fault. He was mining for Uranium, and so is the insects.
And apparently these creatures is really clumsy. As they can walk into a rope at an absurdly slow speed, and they'll get knocked over. And then I guess they die when you shoot them in the eye.
Also, they seem to shoot out chunks of uranium as a weapon. I'm guessing that somehow they're going to achieve a nuclear yield by bodging together some dynamite and uranium chunks. And then I will laugh my ass off, and complain about it for a while. Stay tuned..
And since its been a week since I watched the first bit of this movie, I don't have to reference any predictions I made in the first half, because, chances are, my reader(s) is/are too lazy too look it up. Although I might as well. It seems that the alien critter doo-dahs just killed the bounty hunter woman. So, it looks like the other female character is actually the love interest, and not bounty hunter woman.
I was about to complain about how they didn't notice a gigantic alien critter following their wagon, but then I realized that this was maybe part of their plan. And then I realized that I didn't care.
And then for some reason the alien mother ship exploded. I honestly have no idea why.
And as I suspected: It was shifty scientist guy's fault. He was mining for Uranium, and so is the insects.
And apparently these creatures is really clumsy. As they can walk into a rope at an absurdly slow speed, and they'll get knocked over. And then I guess they die when you shoot them in the eye.
Also, they seem to shoot out chunks of uranium as a weapon. I'm guessing that somehow they're going to achieve a nuclear yield by bodging together some dynamite and uranium chunks. And then I will laugh my ass off, and complain about it for a while. Stay tuned..
And since its been a week since I watched the first bit of this movie, I don't have to reference any predictions I made in the first half, because, chances are, my reader(s) is/are too lazy too look it up. Although I might as well. It seems that the alien critter doo-dahs just killed the bounty hunter woman. So, it looks like the other female character is actually the love interest, and not bounty hunter woman.
I was about to complain about how they didn't notice a gigantic alien critter following their wagon, but then I realized that this was maybe part of their plan. And then I realized that I didn't care.
And then for some reason the alien mother ship exploded. I honestly have no idea why.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2
Kim Director, Jeffrey Donovan (2000) When a townie takes collegians on an overnight tour of Burkittsville, Md., they awake to chaos and have no memory of sleeping.
Probably would make a lot more sense if I'd seen the first one. But I haven't.
But this one has Jeffrey Donovan in it. You might recognize Jeffrey Donovan as Michael Westin from Burn Notice. And he has a hilarious goatee in this one.
The movie's only really worth it for the ending. Its not a terribly good ending, or even a terribly good movie, but the ending "Twist" was sorta interesting...
But, really, not all that worth watching.
Probably would make a lot more sense if I'd seen the first one. But I haven't.
But this one has Jeffrey Donovan in it. You might recognize Jeffrey Donovan as Michael Westin from Burn Notice. And he has a hilarious goatee in this one.
The movie's only really worth it for the ending. Its not a terribly good ending, or even a terribly good movie, but the ending "Twist" was sorta interesting...
But, really, not all that worth watching.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Lightning Strikes
Kevin Sorbo (2009) A man must save his town from a monster that hides in lightning.
Syfy Saturday movie from 9/12.
Oh Kevin Sorbo, you're so dreamy. With your flowing locks.
All sarcasm aside, I actually sort of like Kevin Sorbo movies. His movies are always so absurd and usually kinda fun. And he seems to have a very dry sense of humor, which I enjoy.
And the town that Sorbo is the Sheriff of seems to be holding a "Pumpkin Festival". So, that's one of those BadSciFi staples that we haven't seen in a while. Good to see it return.
And it seems that Kevin Sorbo's (probably ex) wife is now dead, and he's living with her/their son. Another one of those staples I was just talking about.
Also, lighting monsters (apparently that's what they are) can cut cars in half. In rather comical fashion.
Also, if you leave the apostrophe out of "Sorbo's", it looks kinda funny. Just FYI.
Sadly, Sheriff Sorbo is nowhere near as awesome as Sheriff Carter. Sadly Eureka just aired the season finale last night. Good that they've been picked up for a fourth season. We'll just have to see when that airs though. Good episode last night, though. Good way to cap the season. Also, Jamie Ray Newman is pretty hot. I think I've mentioned that before, but its still true. And by "think" I mean that I'm pretty sure about it. Probably the last time I talked about Eureka.
And there seems to be the weird old stranger. Probably somehow connected to the lightning monster. We'll see how crotchety he is. I'm hoping that the answer is "very". But he has a Fedora, so he's OK in my book. And apparently I should always capitalize Fedora. Don't really know why, but it just seems right.
Oh, and sorry that I haven't been blogging lately. By which I mean that I'm not sorry in the slightest. So get the hell over it. Oh wow. That was kinda random. That cursing kinda came out of nowhere. I apologize for that... Or maybe not.
And there's also a couple of researcher-types who seem to be investigating the lightning monster, too. Not sure if they know its in fact a lighting monster, but we'll see. OK, it seems that they suspect it, but they're not sure...
It seems that Sheriff Sorbo is sheriff of a town called Roscoe. I think if I ever become a sheriff, I'd like it to be of a town called Roscoe. Seems like a good sheriffin' town. Although it seems a bit small in this interpretation. They just showed an "establishing shot" of folks wandering about the town. The town was CG, and had a few pedestrians digitally added in. Unfortunately, they didn't really get the scale correct, so the town looked comically small.
Poor motorcycle guy. Just got Lightning Monstered.
Also, the movie Zombieland seems to be pretty fun. And I need to learn the MC Hammer dance to "Can Touch This". And I need to use the power of the DVR to actually fast forward through these commercials so that I don't have these strange ideas...
Apparently the lightning monster killed Fedora's son. And now he's gonna try to kill it.
Kevin Sorbo just jacked some guy's jacket to use as a fire blanket to put out some guy who was on fire. Rather than use his own jacket. I was quite amused.
Also, if you ever feel like using your cell-phone to take a picture of lightning caused by a lightning monster, you probably should resist that urge. Lest you get lightninged in the face. Before you can take the picture. Although, it seems that face-lightninging is this creatures MO.
Also, Amperes is pronounced "Am-pears" in Roscoe, not the more common "Amp-ears". FYI.
And I think that the Mayor just died twice in this movie. Pretty sure he was the one who got crushed by a falling pillar thing, and then later got electrocuted.
Also, Old Guy (also known as Fedora) fighting a CG alien, surrounded by CG lightning = hilarious.
Syfy Saturday movie from 9/12.
Oh Kevin Sorbo, you're so dreamy. With your flowing locks.
All sarcasm aside, I actually sort of like Kevin Sorbo movies. His movies are always so absurd and usually kinda fun. And he seems to have a very dry sense of humor, which I enjoy.
And the town that Sorbo is the Sheriff of seems to be holding a "Pumpkin Festival". So, that's one of those BadSciFi staples that we haven't seen in a while. Good to see it return.
And it seems that Kevin Sorbo's (probably ex) wife is now dead, and he's living with her/their son. Another one of those staples I was just talking about.
Also, lighting monsters (apparently that's what they are) can cut cars in half. In rather comical fashion.
Also, if you leave the apostrophe out of "Sorbo's", it looks kinda funny. Just FYI.
Sadly, Sheriff Sorbo is nowhere near as awesome as Sheriff Carter. Sadly Eureka just aired the season finale last night. Good that they've been picked up for a fourth season. We'll just have to see when that airs though. Good episode last night, though. Good way to cap the season. Also, Jamie Ray Newman is pretty hot. I think I've mentioned that before, but its still true. And by "think" I mean that I'm pretty sure about it. Probably the last time I talked about Eureka.
And there seems to be the weird old stranger. Probably somehow connected to the lightning monster. We'll see how crotchety he is. I'm hoping that the answer is "very". But he has a Fedora, so he's OK in my book. And apparently I should always capitalize Fedora. Don't really know why, but it just seems right.
Oh, and sorry that I haven't been blogging lately. By which I mean that I'm not sorry in the slightest. So get the hell over it. Oh wow. That was kinda random. That cursing kinda came out of nowhere. I apologize for that... Or maybe not.
And there's also a couple of researcher-types who seem to be investigating the lightning monster, too. Not sure if they know its in fact a lighting monster, but we'll see. OK, it seems that they suspect it, but they're not sure...
It seems that Sheriff Sorbo is sheriff of a town called Roscoe. I think if I ever become a sheriff, I'd like it to be of a town called Roscoe. Seems like a good sheriffin' town. Although it seems a bit small in this interpretation. They just showed an "establishing shot" of folks wandering about the town. The town was CG, and had a few pedestrians digitally added in. Unfortunately, they didn't really get the scale correct, so the town looked comically small.
Poor motorcycle guy. Just got Lightning Monstered.
Also, the movie Zombieland seems to be pretty fun. And I need to learn the MC Hammer dance to "Can Touch This". And I need to use the power of the DVR to actually fast forward through these commercials so that I don't have these strange ideas...
Apparently the lightning monster killed Fedora's son. And now he's gonna try to kill it.
Kevin Sorbo just jacked some guy's jacket to use as a fire blanket to put out some guy who was on fire. Rather than use his own jacket. I was quite amused.
Also, if you ever feel like using your cell-phone to take a picture of lightning caused by a lightning monster, you probably should resist that urge. Lest you get lightninged in the face. Before you can take the picture. Although, it seems that face-lightninging is this creatures MO.
Also, Amperes is pronounced "Am-pears" in Roscoe, not the more common "Amp-ears". FYI.
And I think that the Mayor just died twice in this movie. Pretty sure he was the one who got crushed by a falling pillar thing, and then later got electrocuted.
Also, Old Guy (also known as Fedora) fighting a CG alien, surrounded by CG lightning = hilarious.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
High Plains Invaders
James Marsters, Cindy Sampson (2009) Townspeople in the Wild West take refuge from an onslaught of monstrous insects.
Syfy Sunday movie from 8/30.
Well, for starters, even though this movie is set in the Wild West, everyone seems to have double action revolvers. Not the single-action that they should have. They're modern Smith and Wessons. Or at least one of them is.
Also, seems to be less monstrous insects, but more aliens. These things look like no insects that I've ever seen. Actually, less aliens, more gigantic golf-balls with appendages. And they apparently have lasers...
So, main character is a train robber. And main female character is a bounty hunter. Something tells me they're gonna be the 2 to survive, and fall in love. Very small chance of blurred Syfy boobs, as this is a "Western" type movie, and all the womenfolk are wearing a ton of clothes, and it would probably take about 2 hours to get nekkid.
Main character just managed to survive a hangin' due to the timely intervention of the creatures. Speakin' of which, I'm goin' to drop the "g" off of all the gerunds in this review from this point forth, in honor of the characters' manner of speakin'.
And my dinner is currently 1 part soup, 1 part Goldfish. Its pretty awesome... Its a pretty good mixture.
Apparently this movie has been brought to us by my favorite company in the world. Apparently we have the worst commercials ever. Just a blue screen with the company logo on it, and a voiceover that basically just reads all the stuff on the screen.
And now I think its ice cream time. Or maybe in a bit. We'll see.
And there's a shifty scientist type guy. I'm pretty sure that he caused the monster to show up. And as such, he won't survive.
Further prediction: Old shopkeeper guy (trying to fill the role of crotchety old man, but failin' at the whole crotchety part) has a fancy hat (bowler), in this strangely hat-less town, and as such is goin' to almost survive, but then sacrifice himself at the last minute to the benefit of main character dude and main character woman. Or maybe not. He won't even survive half-way through. Poor beardy old guy.
And now there's some alien drop-ship thing. I wonder if they're gonna explain any of this...
And apparently someone shares my suspicion of shifty scientist guy.
And then I watched some Top Gear.
Syfy Sunday movie from 8/30.
Well, for starters, even though this movie is set in the Wild West, everyone seems to have double action revolvers. Not the single-action that they should have. They're modern Smith and Wessons. Or at least one of them is.
Also, seems to be less monstrous insects, but more aliens. These things look like no insects that I've ever seen. Actually, less aliens, more gigantic golf-balls with appendages. And they apparently have lasers...
So, main character is a train robber. And main female character is a bounty hunter. Something tells me they're gonna be the 2 to survive, and fall in love. Very small chance of blurred Syfy boobs, as this is a "Western" type movie, and all the womenfolk are wearing a ton of clothes, and it would probably take about 2 hours to get nekkid.
Main character just managed to survive a hangin' due to the timely intervention of the creatures. Speakin' of which, I'm goin' to drop the "g" off of all the gerunds in this review from this point forth, in honor of the characters' manner of speakin'.
And my dinner is currently 1 part soup, 1 part Goldfish. Its pretty awesome... Its a pretty good mixture.
Apparently this movie has been brought to us by my favorite company in the world. Apparently we have the worst commercials ever. Just a blue screen with the company logo on it, and a voiceover that basically just reads all the stuff on the screen.
And now I think its ice cream time. Or maybe in a bit. We'll see.
And there's a shifty scientist type guy. I'm pretty sure that he caused the monster to show up. And as such, he won't survive.
Further prediction: Old shopkeeper guy (trying to fill the role of crotchety old man, but failin' at the whole crotchety part) has a fancy hat (bowler), in this strangely hat-less town, and as such is goin' to almost survive, but then sacrifice himself at the last minute to the benefit of main character dude and main character woman. Or maybe not. He won't even survive half-way through. Poor beardy old guy.
And now there's some alien drop-ship thing. I wonder if they're gonna explain any of this...
And apparently someone shares my suspicion of shifty scientist guy.
And then I watched some Top Gear.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Leverage, Warehouse 13, Burn Notice, Battlestar Galactica
Badger, he's everywhere...
Burn Notice and Battlestar Galactica are rather old, but Leverage and Warehouse 13 are rather new for me... (And the Warehouse 13 episode aired tonight.
That being said, I do like Mark Sheppard, and his fantastic accent.
Burn Notice and Battlestar Galactica are rather old, but Leverage and Warehouse 13 are rather new for me... (And the Warehouse 13 episode aired tonight.
That being said, I do like Mark Sheppard, and his fantastic accent.
Hell's Kitchen
I need to incorporate the term "Whistle Britches" into my daily vocabulary. Mainly because I have no idea what it means. But sounds hilarious.
Disturbia
That answers the question. Apparently Carrie Ann Moss didn't completely disappear after her role as Trinity in the Matrix series.
Also, the movie ends on a ridiculously long shot of Shia LaBeoueoeoeoeooeoueoueoueouf kissing some girl. And you could substitute "ridiculously" with "too", or maybe even "way to damn", and it'd still be accurate.
Also, the movie ends on a ridiculously long shot of Shia LaBeoueoeoeoeooeoueoueoueouf kissing some girl. And you could substitute "ridiculously" with "too", or maybe even "way to damn", and it'd still be accurate.
A Few Good Men
Kiefer Sutherland has weird ears.
Also, you are in capable of dealing with certain factual information.
Also, you are in capable of dealing with certain factual information.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Phantom Racer
Greg Evigan (2009) A race-car driver returns from beyond the grave.
Syfy Saturday Movie from 8/22.
Guy and his arch-rival crash in some sort of NASCAR-type stock car race. Guy lives, rival dies. Guy quits racing. Guy returns home after 17 years. Guy's Pit Crew Chief (happens to be Rival's brother) just finished restoring Rival's car that he died in, and reveals that he sabotaged Guy's car in that race.
Car becomes possessed by guy's dead spirit (as per the description). Car apparently has woodchipper installed in the trunk.
Car eats Crew Chief's head. Guy gets blamed.
And apparently Car has razor-blade windshield wipers... which is more comical than scary.
Basically it seems that if you've seen Christine, then you've basically seen this movie. Only this movie has a much less attractive car, and doesn't include the whole "Main Character's descent into Madness" sub-plot.
Also, Guy has a far superior Mustache/Goatee combo when compared to Sheriff.
So, far we've accurately predicted the break-down of Guy's car in the first scene, almost to the second. And also Sheriff getting run down.
Syfy Saturday Movie from 8/22.
Guy and his arch-rival crash in some sort of NASCAR-type stock car race. Guy lives, rival dies. Guy quits racing. Guy returns home after 17 years. Guy's Pit Crew Chief (happens to be Rival's brother) just finished restoring Rival's car that he died in, and reveals that he sabotaged Guy's car in that race.
Car becomes possessed by guy's dead spirit (as per the description). Car apparently has woodchipper installed in the trunk.
Car eats Crew Chief's head. Guy gets blamed.
And apparently Car has razor-blade windshield wipers... which is more comical than scary.
Basically it seems that if you've seen Christine, then you've basically seen this movie. Only this movie has a much less attractive car, and doesn't include the whole "Main Character's descent into Madness" sub-plot.
Also, Guy has a far superior Mustache/Goatee combo when compared to Sheriff.
So, far we've accurately predicted the break-down of Guy's car in the first scene, almost to the second. And also Sheriff getting run down.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
2009 San Marino Motorcycle Grand Prix
The Randy Report: 12th place. Apparently he got knocked off track in a Lap 1, Turn 1 accident that took 3 other folks out of the race. So, he was pretty much screwed from the start. And it wasn't particularly his fault!
The Valentino Rossi Podium Speech Challenge!
Yor-gay: Check
Poosh: Check
Fantasteek: Nope
Rossi returns to the top step of the podium after his fall that took him out of the race last week in Indianapolis. (Don't remember what happened to De Puniet in that one)
The Valentino Rossi Podium Speech Challenge!
Yor-gay: Check
Poosh: Check
Fantasteek: Nope
Rossi returns to the top step of the podium after his fall that took him out of the race last week in Indianapolis. (Don't remember what happened to De Puniet in that one)
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Apocalypto
Half naked men and tapirs. Or at least a tapir. What a fantastic opening scene Mel Gibson.
I was rooting for the Tapir. But, sadly... But then the scene ended with some guy eating the tapir's balls.
Dear Incas/Mayans: Please wear pants. Thanks.
Seriously. They're loin-cloth/sumo underwear/thong clothing stuff seems like it'd give you an intensely wicked wedgie. And be all sorts of uncomfortable.
Sadly, not too much blogging on this one, as the movie needs to be read.
One random question though: Did the Mayans ever play bocce or something with all the heads they chopped off in their ceremonies? Because they seem to be dropping them down the stairs of their pyramids. Seems like turning that into a game would be a good way to combine wacky fun with worship of whatever wacky deity they happen to be chopping people up in worship of.
And the Mayans seem to be kings of the fancy hats.
Other than the fact that you need to read the movie to get the dialogue, a pretty good movie...
I was rooting for the Tapir. But, sadly... But then the scene ended with some guy eating the tapir's balls.
Dear Incas/Mayans: Please wear pants. Thanks.
Seriously. They're loin-cloth/sumo underwear/thong clothing stuff seems like it'd give you an intensely wicked wedgie. And be all sorts of uncomfortable.
Sadly, not too much blogging on this one, as the movie needs to be read.
One random question though: Did the Mayans ever play bocce or something with all the heads they chopped off in their ceremonies? Because they seem to be dropping them down the stairs of their pyramids. Seems like turning that into a game would be a good way to combine wacky fun with worship of whatever wacky deity they happen to be chopping people up in worship of.
And the Mayans seem to be kings of the fancy hats.
Other than the fact that you need to read the movie to get the dialogue, a pretty good movie...
Something Beneath
Some bad movie where the monster was black slime. Well, it was actually black slime that ended up coalescing into some big monster.
And it had Kevin Sorbo as the bad-ass priest character. And it also spelled the return of the whole Native American half-breed concept that has been sadly lacking in movies as of late.
The best part is Kevin Sorbo. Mainly because I can't watch him without chuckling for no apparent reason.
And it had Kevin Sorbo as the bad-ass priest character. And it also spelled the return of the whole Native American half-breed concept that has been sadly lacking in movies as of late.
The best part is Kevin Sorbo. Mainly because I can't watch him without chuckling for no apparent reason.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
The Terminators
A Martinez, Jeremy London (2009) A small-town lawman leads the fight for survival when a military defense network sends its army of deadly cyborgs on a mission to wipe out humanity.
Syfy Saturday movie from 8/15.
So, the first few scenes had some CG stuff and space ships and stuff. And then it became an earth-bound story. So, they likely blew their entire effects budget in those first few scenes, in an attempt to intrigue the viewer. Lets see how well they manage to hold the viewer's interest.
And the robit just slammed some guy's head against some sort of podium/table/thing. And it exploded well before the guy's head hit the thing.
Also, the robit weapon of choice seems to be the Auto9. Which you might remember as the Robocop gun. And for some reason, some random woman civilian has an MP5K.
And I guess they can save on the prosthetics by just adding in some spark things where the robits get hit by gunfire. That way you don't have to deal with flesh wounds that are probably pretty costly to make. So, instead the robits don't seem to have the meaty outside that their more famous and Austrian cousins seem to have.
But sadly, none of the TR-5s (the robits) has said a word yet, so we can't accurately judge their Austrian-ness.
Also, apparently women are incapable of doing more than one thing at a time. One of the fellow survivors believes that this woman should concentrate on driving the escape van, and wait to call her husband until later. But sadly, her husband is already dead. But she doesn't know that. And her husband was about to commit adultery, but was shot by a robit. So, the chance of blurred Syfy boobs was ruined by the timely (or perhaps untimely) intervention of a TR-5.
Also, aren't TR-5s some sort of car made by Triumph? Or maybe a motorcycle? Oh, damn! I'm awesome. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triumph_TR5. How bout them apples?
Also, it seems that they were right do doubt the woman's ability to multitask. Looks like she just passed the same piece of road 3 or more times. And then drove into a lake. Stupid woman drivers...
Seems to be a Battlestar Galactica type thing. With the angry avenging robits and stuff. Only with significantly less Captain Apollo Memorial Gigantic Jawbones. Speaking of which, what has Jamie Bamber done with his life and gigantic jawbone lately? And apparently the answer to that question is "nothing".
Also, apparently this movie stars a Martinez. Not sure which one; just one of them... Man, I'm hilarious. And apparently "A" in A Martinez stands for Adolfo.
Oh, by the way, this movie is one of those movies by The Asylum. In case you hadn't figured it out by the fact that the title resembles a famous movie ever so slightly. Just a little bit. Even though the plot doesn't seem to resemble the similarly titled movie.
Apparently there's a space station 51 kilometers above the Earth in the mesosphere. Congrats to The Asylum on actually getting the distance and section of the atmosphere correct. But sadly, even though 51 kilometers and mesosphere seem to match, the mesosphere is too low for any sort of orbital spacecraft. Low-earth orbit apparently begins at around 160 kilometers above the earth.
And this one woman seems to jiggle far too much for the transportation that they're on. First she was rocking back and forth far too much for the van-ride, and then again in the spaceship.
And when you're scouting out a place that you haven't been before, that is potentially craawling with baddies, would you want you pointman incessantly facing backwards and checking your six?
And when you're driving the escape truck, wouldn't you want the guy who has the only weapon that can damage the robits to be shooting, rather than driving? I'm just sayin'.
And they're making really weird use of echoes during the fight scenes. And now the vibration-tastic woman seems to be dead. The robit probably got fed up with her random vibrating, and tore her innards out.
And then I stopped paying attention, and started researching the moon landing for some reason. Why? I'm not really sure. Probably started with looking up the Mesosphere, which lead me to Low Earth Orbit, which eventually led to Apollo 11. Somehow I get the feeling I didn't miss too much.
Although it seems that Crappy Driver Woman has now met up with Crappy Driver Woman's husband's mistress. I don't think that Crappy Driver Woman realizes their connection, though...
Apparently A Martinez was a robit all along. FYI.
And then I started reading about random Transformers. Probably got there due to Jetfire at the Udvar-Hazy annex of the Air and Space Museum.
And now there's a big bad robit. Which looks very much like the new-style Cylons with the old-style face. Only without the iconic pulsating red eye. That's probably copyrighted or something.
In other news, I've decided that I never want to go to a space station. Seems they make too much noise. And have way to many killer robits.
Also, the two main female characters, who seem to be the main overall characters as well, are really annoying. FYI.
And then the movie just ended. With no real conclusion. They just sort of pulled the plug on the robits and seemingly shut them down. And then breathed in a frantic, whiny sort of way. And then the movie ended...
So, to answer my earlier question, which didn't actually involve a question, they did a very poor job of keeping my attention.
Syfy Saturday movie from 8/15.
So, the first few scenes had some CG stuff and space ships and stuff. And then it became an earth-bound story. So, they likely blew their entire effects budget in those first few scenes, in an attempt to intrigue the viewer. Lets see how well they manage to hold the viewer's interest.
And the robit just slammed some guy's head against some sort of podium/table/thing. And it exploded well before the guy's head hit the thing.
Also, the robit weapon of choice seems to be the Auto9. Which you might remember as the Robocop gun. And for some reason, some random woman civilian has an MP5K.
And I guess they can save on the prosthetics by just adding in some spark things where the robits get hit by gunfire. That way you don't have to deal with flesh wounds that are probably pretty costly to make. So, instead the robits don't seem to have the meaty outside that their more famous and Austrian cousins seem to have.
But sadly, none of the TR-5s (the robits) has said a word yet, so we can't accurately judge their Austrian-ness.
Also, apparently women are incapable of doing more than one thing at a time. One of the fellow survivors believes that this woman should concentrate on driving the escape van, and wait to call her husband until later. But sadly, her husband is already dead. But she doesn't know that. And her husband was about to commit adultery, but was shot by a robit. So, the chance of blurred Syfy boobs was ruined by the timely (or perhaps untimely) intervention of a TR-5.
Also, aren't TR-5s some sort of car made by Triumph? Or maybe a motorcycle? Oh, damn! I'm awesome. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triumph_TR5. How bout them apples?
Also, it seems that they were right do doubt the woman's ability to multitask. Looks like she just passed the same piece of road 3 or more times. And then drove into a lake. Stupid woman drivers...
Seems to be a Battlestar Galactica type thing. With the angry avenging robits and stuff. Only with significantly less Captain Apollo Memorial Gigantic Jawbones. Speaking of which, what has Jamie Bamber done with his life and gigantic jawbone lately? And apparently the answer to that question is "nothing".
Also, apparently this movie stars a Martinez. Not sure which one; just one of them... Man, I'm hilarious. And apparently "A" in A Martinez stands for Adolfo.
Oh, by the way, this movie is one of those movies by The Asylum. In case you hadn't figured it out by the fact that the title resembles a famous movie ever so slightly. Just a little bit. Even though the plot doesn't seem to resemble the similarly titled movie.
Apparently there's a space station 51 kilometers above the Earth in the mesosphere. Congrats to The Asylum on actually getting the distance and section of the atmosphere correct. But sadly, even though 51 kilometers and mesosphere seem to match, the mesosphere is too low for any sort of orbital spacecraft. Low-earth orbit apparently begins at around 160 kilometers above the earth.
And this one woman seems to jiggle far too much for the transportation that they're on. First she was rocking back and forth far too much for the van-ride, and then again in the spaceship.
And when you're scouting out a place that you haven't been before, that is potentially craawling with baddies, would you want you pointman incessantly facing backwards and checking your six?
And when you're driving the escape truck, wouldn't you want the guy who has the only weapon that can damage the robits to be shooting, rather than driving? I'm just sayin'.
And they're making really weird use of echoes during the fight scenes. And now the vibration-tastic woman seems to be dead. The robit probably got fed up with her random vibrating, and tore her innards out.
And then I stopped paying attention, and started researching the moon landing for some reason. Why? I'm not really sure. Probably started with looking up the Mesosphere, which lead me to Low Earth Orbit, which eventually led to Apollo 11. Somehow I get the feeling I didn't miss too much.
Although it seems that Crappy Driver Woman has now met up with Crappy Driver Woman's husband's mistress. I don't think that Crappy Driver Woman realizes their connection, though...
Apparently A Martinez was a robit all along. FYI.
And then I started reading about random Transformers. Probably got there due to Jetfire at the Udvar-Hazy annex of the Air and Space Museum.
And now there's a big bad robit. Which looks very much like the new-style Cylons with the old-style face. Only without the iconic pulsating red eye. That's probably copyrighted or something.
In other news, I've decided that I never want to go to a space station. Seems they make too much noise. And have way to many killer robits.
Also, the two main female characters, who seem to be the main overall characters as well, are really annoying. FYI.
And then the movie just ended. With no real conclusion. They just sort of pulled the plug on the robits and seemingly shut them down. And then breathed in a frantic, whiny sort of way. And then the movie ended...
So, to answer my earlier question, which didn't actually involve a question, they did a very poor job of keeping my attention.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
The Marksman
Wesley Snipes, Tim Abell (2005) A special agent leads a team of elite forces against Chechen terrorists planning a nuclear strike.
So, I was sorta watching this, in hopes that typical Wesley Snipes-esque random stupidity would occur.
But, sadly, my pizza was significantly more interesting. And now I'm going to bed, as I'm tired. And woke up stupidly early, 2 time zones away.
So, I was sorta watching this, in hopes that typical Wesley Snipes-esque random stupidity would occur.
But, sadly, my pizza was significantly more interesting. And now I'm going to bed, as I'm tired. And woke up stupidly early, 2 time zones away.
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