Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Castle
I like Nathan Fillion. He's always so fantastically smart-assy. And sarcastic. And all those other positive adjectives.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Fire: Nature Unleashed
Bryan Genesse, Josh Cohen (2004) A forest ranger leads a group of hikers into an abandoned mine to escape a raging forest fire.
There're all sorts of Something: Nature Unleashed movies that have been floating around on the SciFi Channel for a while. I just never got around to recording them. So, now we start with the fire one...
Wikipedia's being real dumb, so I can't easily figure out how many of them there actually are...
And now I'm watching something else...
There're all sorts of Something: Nature Unleashed movies that have been floating around on the SciFi Channel for a while. I just never got around to recording them. So, now we start with the fire one...
Wikipedia's being real dumb, so I can't easily figure out how many of them there actually are...
And now I'm watching something else...
Airport '70 and The Concorde ... Airplane '79
The first and last movies of the series I reviewed 2 of earlier.
So, I figured I'd record these, as I hadn't seen them. Then I realized I didn't care. So, I stopped watching them, and deleted them...
So, I figured I'd record these, as I hadn't seen them. Then I realized I didn't care. So, I stopped watching them, and deleted them...
Sunday, March 29, 2009
The Marine
John Cena, Robert Patrick (2006) A discharged soldier returns home from Iraq and finds that his wife has been kidnapped by the gang of a murderous thug.
Well, since I declared that the previous WWE Films production that I reviewed was quite possibly the worst movie I'd seen in a ridiculously long time, I figured I'd watch the next one that became available. Being the glutton for punishment that I am...
John Cena has an incredibly large chin. Just thought you should know. And he's apparently immune to fire...
Sorta fun, but incredibly random action movie. However, to quote Teal'c: "I do not understand why everything in this script must inevitably explode."
And apparently John Cena acts better than I thought he would. Which isn't really saying that much... just that he acts better than a rock might, in the same role.
Well, since I declared that the previous WWE Films production that I reviewed was quite possibly the worst movie I'd seen in a ridiculously long time, I figured I'd watch the next one that became available. Being the glutton for punishment that I am...
John Cena has an incredibly large chin. Just thought you should know. And he's apparently immune to fire...
Sorta fun, but incredibly random action movie. However, to quote Teal'c: "I do not understand why everything in this script must inevitably explode."
And apparently John Cena acts better than I thought he would. Which isn't really saying that much... just that he acts better than a rock might, in the same role.
I Am Omega
Mark Dacascos, Geoff Mead (2007) Zombies threaten the existence of the lone human in a post-apocalyptic world
SciFi Saturday movie from 3/21.
So, I've seen I Am Legend, and The Omega Man, and read I Am Legend. So, I may have a pretty decent idea of the material and the source material... Lets see how this one stacks up.
Background: I really enjoyed the book and the Will Smith version (titled I Am Legend). Thought the Charlton Heston version (The Omega Man) was really cheesy, and didn't really hold a candle to the source material.
We'll see how this one is. Probably should mention that its an a production from The Asylum. Remember how I always complain about them? Because they're terrible?
Probably going to have to make some mention of the description of the movie. The fact that it says "Zombies". I believe they're supposed to be vampires. They were referred to as such in the book, but I can't remember if they actually talked about drinking blood. But there was a mention of the aversion to crosses, garlic, and running water, and the whole getting staked through the heart thing. I'll need to see the Will Smith version again to remember what the beasties were like in that one. Can't quite remember if they were vampires, or just sort of mutated critters.
The best part of this film should be the discussion of the main character's sanity, rather than the actual monsters themselves. Its a story of one man trapped by himself, as the last human on Earth, or at least as far as he knows. I have a feeling, knowing The Asylum's previous work, they'll likely focus more on the monsters...
They're already starting out with the main character as going pretty insane, but aren't really explaining it...
And the zombie/mutants/vampires apparently can come out in the daytime. Which is completely different from any of the other versions, including the original.
And just a question: If you were the last person alive, would you wear pants while lounging about the house? Because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't...
This movie is doing a rather terrible job of conducting "Operation: Backstory". I'm kind of curious to know what the backstory for this is, but they're not telling me a damn thing, other than he was in a car, and his mom got attacked in front of him. Or maybe that wasn't him, but his kid and wife... who the hell knows...
Oh, and his mannequin has a pretty awesome top hat. I want one like it... Mine isn't quite as tall.
In fact, I was completely wrong. The movie didn't focus on the monsters. Aside from a few scenes, they never actually showed up... The main adversary were some crazy people intent on keeping the world the way it was, and not finding a cure for the illness/mutation/whatever...
So, basically, this movie is similar to I Am Legend. In that it has a dude, a girl, some sort of infection, and the phrase "I am" in the title. And that's about it...
Honestly, it started off looking like it could go somewhere at least near decent, but kind of made a drastic change towards crappiness, and never recovered.
Highlight: The scenes where Renchard (that's apparently his name) is going nuts. They're slighlty sped up, so it just looks completely comical...
SciFi Saturday movie from 3/21.
So, I've seen I Am Legend, and The Omega Man, and read I Am Legend. So, I may have a pretty decent idea of the material and the source material... Lets see how this one stacks up.
Background: I really enjoyed the book and the Will Smith version (titled I Am Legend). Thought the Charlton Heston version (The Omega Man) was really cheesy, and didn't really hold a candle to the source material.
We'll see how this one is. Probably should mention that its an a production from The Asylum. Remember how I always complain about them? Because they're terrible?
Probably going to have to make some mention of the description of the movie. The fact that it says "Zombies". I believe they're supposed to be vampires. They were referred to as such in the book, but I can't remember if they actually talked about drinking blood. But there was a mention of the aversion to crosses, garlic, and running water, and the whole getting staked through the heart thing. I'll need to see the Will Smith version again to remember what the beasties were like in that one. Can't quite remember if they were vampires, or just sort of mutated critters.
The best part of this film should be the discussion of the main character's sanity, rather than the actual monsters themselves. Its a story of one man trapped by himself, as the last human on Earth, or at least as far as he knows. I have a feeling, knowing The Asylum's previous work, they'll likely focus more on the monsters...
They're already starting out with the main character as going pretty insane, but aren't really explaining it...
And the zombie/mutants/vampires apparently can come out in the daytime. Which is completely different from any of the other versions, including the original.
And just a question: If you were the last person alive, would you wear pants while lounging about the house? Because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't...
This movie is doing a rather terrible job of conducting "Operation: Backstory". I'm kind of curious to know what the backstory for this is, but they're not telling me a damn thing, other than he was in a car, and his mom got attacked in front of him. Or maybe that wasn't him, but his kid and wife... who the hell knows...
Oh, and his mannequin has a pretty awesome top hat. I want one like it... Mine isn't quite as tall.
In fact, I was completely wrong. The movie didn't focus on the monsters. Aside from a few scenes, they never actually showed up... The main adversary were some crazy people intent on keeping the world the way it was, and not finding a cure for the illness/mutation/whatever...
So, basically, this movie is similar to I Am Legend. In that it has a dude, a girl, some sort of infection, and the phrase "I am" in the title. And that's about it...
Honestly, it started off looking like it could go somewhere at least near decent, but kind of made a drastic change towards crappiness, and never recovered.
Highlight: The scenes where Renchard (that's apparently his name) is going nuts. They're slighlty sped up, so it just looks completely comical...
2009 Australian Grand Prix
I think I like Sebastian Vettel. After a crash, which eventually took Robert Kubica out of the race (boo!) Vettel continued to drive his car for about a lap and a half. With one wheel dangling off of mangled suspension... Sadly, he stopped about a lap or lap and a half from the finish... I would have had an ridiculous amount of respect for him if he'd finished the race on 3 tires...
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Intriguing
Jenson Button on Pole in Melbourne, and Rubens Barichello in 2nd.
McLaren in 14th and 15th (with World Champion in 15th)
Interesting change of pace for the first race of the Formula 1 season.
Also, we get Speed in HD now. So it is nice...
McLaren in 14th and 15th (with World Champion in 15th)
Interesting change of pace for the first race of the Formula 1 season.
Also, we get Speed in HD now. So it is nice...
Friday, March 27, 2009
Children of Men
Intersting movie. Pretty good.
I do like Clive Owen.
Also, the movie does make some utterly fantastic use of the music...
I do like Clive Owen.
Also, the movie does make some utterly fantastic use of the music...
Connor Trinneer Survived?
He got an acting gig where his character survived? I'm kinda surprised. Granted he lasted pretty long as Michael on Atlantis, but he kicked the bucket in the end.
It looked like he wouldn't make it, but it seems he did. Unless the kill him egregiously after he's been off screen, and no longer useful to the story...
And they had some mis-timed pyrotechnics on 24 (the show that I've been referring to the whole time). There was a truck running through a gate, but about a second before it actually hit the gate, there was sparks and stuff, presumably from the chain breaking or the gate exploding... That bothers me...
And apparently they were filming an explosion on some bridge recently. Someone told me about it at work...
It looked like he wouldn't make it, but it seems he did. Unless the kill him egregiously after he's been off screen, and no longer useful to the story...
And they had some mis-timed pyrotechnics on 24 (the show that I've been referring to the whole time). There was a truck running through a gate, but about a second before it actually hit the gate, there was sparks and stuff, presumably from the chain breaking or the gate exploding... That bothers me...
And apparently they were filming an explosion on some bridge recently. Someone told me about it at work...
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Kings
New TV series with alternate timeline or whatever. A re-telling of the King David story from the Bible, but in modern times.
They certainly do the music very well...
We'll see how long this show stays around, now that the popular thing to do seems to be to cancel good shows that I like...
They certainly do the music very well...
We'll see how long this show stays around, now that the popular thing to do seems to be to cancel good shows that I like...
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Sea Beast
Corin Nemec (2009) An amphibious creature invades a small fishing village.
Continuing the Jonas Quin Stupid Hair Chronicles: His hair is kinda dumb in this one... sorta long, but not pony-tail long... In fact its about like my hair was at its length. Although it's straight, while mine was wavy-ish. And thus it doesn't have the same degree of floofy awesomeness...
He's playing the ship captain, whose daughter is romantically involved with one of the crew... Seems a bit young to have a grown daughter...
And apparently Diego (I've decided to call the titular "Sea Beast" Diego for no apparent reason) is invisible. Or can be invisible. Or something. And has toxis spit... and just ate Rasta-guy. Who, in the spirit of political correctness, I have named as such because he's a black dude with dreadlocks. I'm PC like that...
And I've found an accessory in this movie that I think would bring together any sort of decorating project: A pile of fish heads.
And Diego has babies... Mayhaps I should change Diego's name to some sort of female name. Hmmm. Nope. Diego it is...
That was an impressive belch, if I do say so myself... I rock...
And we just had the mandatory "monster bites off person's head" scene. Good that we got that out of the way...
And Jonas Quinn seems to have learned a few lessons from the year he spent on Stargate SG1 with MacGuyver. He just combined a cinderblock, a barrel filled with something or other, some oxy-acetylene, a hubcap filled with gas, and a rope into some sort of ridiculous explosive. And then managed to escape without injury...
Continuing the Jonas Quin Stupid Hair Chronicles: His hair is kinda dumb in this one... sorta long, but not pony-tail long... In fact its about like my hair was at its length. Although it's straight, while mine was wavy-ish. And thus it doesn't have the same degree of floofy awesomeness...
He's playing the ship captain, whose daughter is romantically involved with one of the crew... Seems a bit young to have a grown daughter...
And apparently Diego (I've decided to call the titular "Sea Beast" Diego for no apparent reason) is invisible. Or can be invisible. Or something. And has toxis spit... and just ate Rasta-guy. Who, in the spirit of political correctness, I have named as such because he's a black dude with dreadlocks. I'm PC like that...
And I've found an accessory in this movie that I think would bring together any sort of decorating project: A pile of fish heads.
And Diego has babies... Mayhaps I should change Diego's name to some sort of female name. Hmmm. Nope. Diego it is...
That was an impressive belch, if I do say so myself... I rock...
And we just had the mandatory "monster bites off person's head" scene. Good that we got that out of the way...
And Jonas Quinn seems to have learned a few lessons from the year he spent on Stargate SG1 with MacGuyver. He just combined a cinderblock, a barrel filled with something or other, some oxy-acetylene, a hubcap filled with gas, and a rope into some sort of ridiculous explosive. And then managed to escape without injury...
CSI: Miami again
Um, guys... A .223 is rather significantly different from a .22.
And a Ruger 10/22 shoots .22LR. Which can be used in a pistol or rifle, as you mentioned. But a .223 is a rifle caliber. AKA not so much a pistol caliber (outside of the Fallout series)
And a Ruger 10/22 shoots .22LR. Which can be used in a pistol or rifle, as you mentioned. But a .223 is a rifle caliber. AKA not so much a pistol caliber (outside of the Fallout series)
CSI: Miami
"Gasoline has only one use. To ignite."
That's an interesting thought... Ignition's not really a use... "purpose" maybe, but definitely not use...
Oh, and by the way:
Sunglasses on. YEAH!!
And apparently hitchhikers don't wear pants in Florida/Miami...
That's an interesting thought... Ignition's not really a use... "purpose" maybe, but definitely not use...
Oh, and by the way:
Sunglasses on. YEAH!!
And apparently hitchhikers don't wear pants in Florida/Miami...
Speed Skating Injury
Some guy just stopped in the middle of his run. Apparently he injured his "right groin". I thought there were only one of those on the human body...
The Gravedancers
Dominic Purcell, Josie Maran (2006) Angry spirits terrorize three reunited friends after they disturb a cemetery following a funeral.
Dominic Purcell has a ginormous head.
That is all.
Dominic Purcell has a ginormous head.
That is all.
Bitten
Jason Mewes, Erica Cox (2007) A man meets a seductive woman who is a vampire from the 1800s.
"Taking the Browns to the Super Bowl". That's potentially one of the best euphemisms for pooping that I've heard in quite some time. Never heard that one before...
Jason Mewes. Isn't that Jay from the Jay and Silent Bob duo? And yes, it is.
And there's apparently an actor named Nic Nac.
The of the main characters (not Jay) has just pooped prior to entering both of his first 2 scenes.
This could be kinda comical, because Jason Mewes seems to be a similar character to Jay, in that he seems to have quite the filthy mouth.
There was just a scene with a very stereotypical Indian convenience store owner. We'll see if that pans out later, or is just for comedic/mildly offensive value.
Sadly the guy's pooping spree is over. Or at least on hiatus. His third scene didn't start with him coming out of the can... Nope, hiatus. It's back in his next scene... And the next one... And then made reference to having to crap in a later one. That man's got some bowel issues...
This one's an interesting movie, just due to the sheer absurdity of it... Kinda hard to describe, but its just supremely absurd.
Sorta similar, story-wise, to that Sean Patrick Flanery movie that I reviewed a while back. The one about the female vampire he fell in love with or whatever...
In other news, I haven't the foggiest clue where they got the whole "from the 1800s" buisness, as they never really went into the vampire's backstory. And I'm pretty sure never even mentioned the entirety of the 19-century, or any part of it.
"Taking the Browns to the Super Bowl". That's potentially one of the best euphemisms for pooping that I've heard in quite some time. Never heard that one before...
Jason Mewes. Isn't that Jay from the Jay and Silent Bob duo? And yes, it is.
And there's apparently an actor named Nic Nac.
The of the main characters (not Jay) has just pooped prior to entering both of his first 2 scenes.
This could be kinda comical, because Jason Mewes seems to be a similar character to Jay, in that he seems to have quite the filthy mouth.
There was just a scene with a very stereotypical Indian convenience store owner. We'll see if that pans out later, or is just for comedic/mildly offensive value.
Sadly the guy's pooping spree is over. Or at least on hiatus. His third scene didn't start with him coming out of the can... Nope, hiatus. It's back in his next scene... And the next one... And then made reference to having to crap in a later one. That man's got some bowel issues...
This one's an interesting movie, just due to the sheer absurdity of it... Kinda hard to describe, but its just supremely absurd.
Sorta similar, story-wise, to that Sean Patrick Flanery movie that I reviewed a while back. The one about the female vampire he fell in love with or whatever...
In other news, I haven't the foggiest clue where they got the whole "from the 1800s" buisness, as they never really went into the vampire's backstory. And I'm pretty sure never even mentioned the entirety of the 19-century, or any part of it.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
The Beast of Bray Road
Jeff Deonton, Tom Downey (2005) A new sheriff in a Wisconsin town investigates brutal slayings by a werewolf.
Sci Fi Sunday movie from 3/8.
"Presented by The Asylum". Oh Good! We know how quality their movies generally are...
I'm highly amused that they couldn't afford a video game to show, so they just had some kid playing with a joystick pretending to look at a TV and play a game...
Someone just mentioned the word "monster", and now someone seems to think that sounds like "the beast of bray road". You'd think he might wait for some sort of description until he jumped to that conclusion.
And apparently the Beast of Bray Road is actually a thing in real life. Or at least a legend or whatever...
I think I should become a cryptozoologist. If Bad SciFi movies are to be believed, they get into all sorts of wacky adventures. I really can't remember if they end up surviving those adventures though... Although this cryptozoologist seems to get to wear a fancy hat. It might be worth it... (Its a fedora by the way...)
And they just made a bunch of 5.56mm rounds. A rifle round. Unfortunately all they seem to have are shotguns, Mac-11s, and an MP5. All of those (except for the shotgun) use pistol rounds...
Never mind. It seems they have a bolt-action of some sort... so I guess they can use all the bullets they just made...
Hmmm... it seems that the sheriff's love interest is the werewolf. What a tweest! That'll teach him for having those atrocious side-burns.
FYI: Cryptozoologist seems to have survived. At least he says he got scratched, and not bit...
And that was almost the most badass killing of a werewolf ever. There's a certain style to shooting a werewolf with a Single Action Army. But unfortunately, it seems that his bullets didn't want to fire...
But instead, they set it on fire. Apparently some guy that was getting eaten poured something flammable on himself and the werewolf as he was getting et.
And now they have an AK. Why the hell didn't they use that earlier?
"This Film is Dedicated to the Great State of Wisconsin" What a rousing endorsement.
Oh, and Cryptozoologist survived! There is hope after all.
Sci Fi Sunday movie from 3/8.
"Presented by The Asylum". Oh Good! We know how quality their movies generally are...
I'm highly amused that they couldn't afford a video game to show, so they just had some kid playing with a joystick pretending to look at a TV and play a game...
Someone just mentioned the word "monster", and now someone seems to think that sounds like "the beast of bray road". You'd think he might wait for some sort of description until he jumped to that conclusion.
And apparently the Beast of Bray Road is actually a thing in real life. Or at least a legend or whatever...
I think I should become a cryptozoologist. If Bad SciFi movies are to be believed, they get into all sorts of wacky adventures. I really can't remember if they end up surviving those adventures though... Although this cryptozoologist seems to get to wear a fancy hat. It might be worth it... (Its a fedora by the way...)
And they just made a bunch of 5.56mm rounds. A rifle round. Unfortunately all they seem to have are shotguns, Mac-11s, and an MP5. All of those (except for the shotgun) use pistol rounds...
Never mind. It seems they have a bolt-action of some sort... so I guess they can use all the bullets they just made...
Hmmm... it seems that the sheriff's love interest is the werewolf. What a tweest! That'll teach him for having those atrocious side-burns.
FYI: Cryptozoologist seems to have survived. At least he says he got scratched, and not bit...
And that was almost the most badass killing of a werewolf ever. There's a certain style to shooting a werewolf with a Single Action Army. But unfortunately, it seems that his bullets didn't want to fire...
But instead, they set it on fire. Apparently some guy that was getting eaten poured something flammable on himself and the werewolf as he was getting et.
And now they have an AK. Why the hell didn't they use that earlier?
"This Film is Dedicated to the Great State of Wisconsin" What a rousing endorsement.
Oh, and Cryptozoologist survived! There is hope after all.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Eye See You
"Romantically speaking, roses are obsolete. Monkeys are the new language of love."
Thank you Sly Stallone.
Based on this quote alone, this movie is the best movie I've seen today with an eyeball-related-pun for a title. Although See No Evil isn't really a pun. Whatever it loses in lack of pun-idity, it makes up for in extreme dumbitude...
Thank you Sly Stallone.
Based on this quote alone, this movie is the best movie I've seen today with an eyeball-related-pun for a title. Although See No Evil isn't really a pun. Whatever it loses in lack of pun-idity, it makes up for in extreme dumbitude...
See No Evil
Kane, Christina Vidal (2006) A reclusive maniac terrorizes a group of young petty criminals who have arrived to clean up a rotting hotel as part of their community service.
Sci Fi Saturday movie from 3/7.
Did you hear that joke about how the Sci Fi Channel was going to change its name to SyFy? Oh wait... Not so much with the joking... What a terrible name... Hopefully they start doing more SciFi stuff and less of the stupid ECW wrestling and Ghost Hunters and shit. Although them changing their name probably indicates that they're trying to get away from doing solely just standard SciFi. We'll see how it turns out.
Speaking of wrestling, this movie was produced by WWE Films or something like that. So, that coupled with the fact that there's a guy in the description named "Kane" should mean that we're in for a treat...
But unfortunately, we're not..
Bascially your standard teen horror movie. Group of young folk get trapped somewhere random. Creepy guy seems to be there to. Creepy guy kills young folk in between random acts of stupidity and boning...
Have I mentioned that I like SciFi movies and Horror not quite so much?
And there's a very large, bald, angry guy. I'm guessing he'd be this Kane character.
And the best part? I don't even care. I haven't been paying nearly enough attention to have any clue what's going on...
I think this quite possibly may be the worst movie I've seen in a very long time...
They're trying to give Kane's character some backstory, but its coming far too late, and they're not doing it very clearly...
Probably the most interesting thing in this movie, as stolen from IMDB: Kane has stated that the best thing about making this movie (due to the hectic amount of traveling as a professional wrestler) was the opportunity it gave him to sleep in the same bed for two months.
Enjoy. Because I certainly didn't.
Sci Fi Saturday movie from 3/7.
Did you hear that joke about how the Sci Fi Channel was going to change its name to SyFy? Oh wait... Not so much with the joking... What a terrible name... Hopefully they start doing more SciFi stuff and less of the stupid ECW wrestling and Ghost Hunters and shit. Although them changing their name probably indicates that they're trying to get away from doing solely just standard SciFi. We'll see how it turns out.
Speaking of wrestling, this movie was produced by WWE Films or something like that. So, that coupled with the fact that there's a guy in the description named "Kane" should mean that we're in for a treat...
But unfortunately, we're not..
Bascially your standard teen horror movie. Group of young folk get trapped somewhere random. Creepy guy seems to be there to. Creepy guy kills young folk in between random acts of stupidity and boning...
Have I mentioned that I like SciFi movies and Horror not quite so much?
And there's a very large, bald, angry guy. I'm guessing he'd be this Kane character.
And the best part? I don't even care. I haven't been paying nearly enough attention to have any clue what's going on...
I think this quite possibly may be the worst movie I've seen in a very long time...
They're trying to give Kane's character some backstory, but its coming far too late, and they're not doing it very clearly...
Probably the most interesting thing in this movie, as stolen from IMDB: Kane has stated that the best thing about making this movie (due to the hectic amount of traveling as a professional wrestler) was the opportunity it gave him to sleep in the same bed for two months.
Enjoy. Because I certainly didn't.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Anacondas: Trail of Blood
Crystal Allen, John Rhys-Davies (2009) Chopped in half, an enormous snake spawns into two deadly creatures.
SciFi Saturday Movie from 2/28.
I'm about a quarter to a third of the way through the movie, and frankly nothing interesting has happened. Lots of yelling, a bunch of characters I don't care about, and a snake.
Probably the first interesting thing they did was to have a scene where a guy gets eaten by the snake. Only instead of going all close in where you can see the really crappy CG in all its crappy glory, they shot it from very far away, so it was basically a silhouette eating another one. And thank goodness for spell check, because that's a bitch of a word to spell.
I guess this is another one of those movies filmed in Eastern Europe. They managed to cover up their accents pretty well, but when they got all frantic and yell-y they reverted to their accents.
Also, some guy just ran into a tree. I'm not really sure if that was scripted or not, but it was a pretty small tree, and still knocked the guy on his ass.
And some guy (part of a group of mercenaries) just fell over, and one of his compatriots mocked him, and basically laughed at him because he was gonna get et by the snake. So the first guy shoots the laughing guy in the leg, and then runs away, leaving him to get et instead. Life's a bitch if you're a mercenary.
Also, the guy who got shot in the leg shot wildly into the air, rather than shooting at the snake that was about to eat him...
And then some things happened, but I was making myself some food, so I don't really know what it was. Or care...
And then I had to get the food out of the oven.
They ended up blowing up the snake somehow. I really don't know.
And somehow it survived, in the classic Bad SciFi ending of "Hey look! The critter didn't actually die!".
SciFi Saturday Movie from 2/28.
I'm about a quarter to a third of the way through the movie, and frankly nothing interesting has happened. Lots of yelling, a bunch of characters I don't care about, and a snake.
Probably the first interesting thing they did was to have a scene where a guy gets eaten by the snake. Only instead of going all close in where you can see the really crappy CG in all its crappy glory, they shot it from very far away, so it was basically a silhouette eating another one. And thank goodness for spell check, because that's a bitch of a word to spell.
I guess this is another one of those movies filmed in Eastern Europe. They managed to cover up their accents pretty well, but when they got all frantic and yell-y they reverted to their accents.
Also, some guy just ran into a tree. I'm not really sure if that was scripted or not, but it was a pretty small tree, and still knocked the guy on his ass.
And some guy (part of a group of mercenaries) just fell over, and one of his compatriots mocked him, and basically laughed at him because he was gonna get et by the snake. So the first guy shoots the laughing guy in the leg, and then runs away, leaving him to get et instead. Life's a bitch if you're a mercenary.
Also, the guy who got shot in the leg shot wildly into the air, rather than shooting at the snake that was about to eat him...
And then some things happened, but I was making myself some food, so I don't really know what it was. Or care...
And then I had to get the food out of the oven.
They ended up blowing up the snake somehow. I really don't know.
And somehow it survived, in the classic Bad SciFi ending of "Hey look! The critter didn't actually die!".
Hydra
George Stults, Polly Shannon (2009) A multiheaded serpent chomps on a group of hunters who use humans for sport.
SciFi Original movie from Sunday 2/22. Sadly due to the intricacies of the DVR, I won't be recording any of these Sunday SciFi movies for the next few weeks.
On the plus side, the description used the word "chomp".
The "bad guy" seems to be collecting people who did bad things (e.g., kill people) and are using them for game, for paying customers to hunt. Although it seems that they didn't account for multiheaded serpents and any associated chomping.
So, the hunters have one guy with an M16/M203, one guy with a bolt-action rifle, one guy with some AK thing, and some other guy whose gun I didn't pay attention to. Looks like its another boltie. Nope, its an SKS.
And now one of the prisoners just tripped and fell over in a completely unrealistic and utterly fake fashion. Solely so he could see a severed arm from the people in the teaser who got et earlier.
And M16 seems to have the weakest legs in the history of time. He just got impaled by a very slow moving spike, that didn't look like it had all too much force behind it. And the dude just radioed in saying that he had a wooden spike through his leg. The guy on the boat asked him if he was OK.
And now someone from the teaser just randomly ran by. Serving to lead the hydra to M16. So, one hunter down, and one hunted down. (M16 shot one of the prisoners before getting the hydra sicced on him... Looks like it was the rapist)
And apparently the U.S. Special Forces train people to kill with leaves and acorns. That seems like it'd be a good skill to have.
And the boat captain appears to have a Mossberg M500 in the chrome finish, which is also called "Mariner". I'm slightly amused by this coincidence...
And apparently the Sword of Hercules is vital for killing the hydra. Didn't Hercules use fire to scorch the stumps of the Hydra's heads to ensure they didn't grow back, rather than just having a fancy sword? Because all that was required in this movie was the sword...
I guess that'll teach me for actually knowing my mythology or whatever...
SciFi Original movie from Sunday 2/22. Sadly due to the intricacies of the DVR, I won't be recording any of these Sunday SciFi movies for the next few weeks.
On the plus side, the description used the word "chomp".
The "bad guy" seems to be collecting people who did bad things (e.g., kill people) and are using them for game, for paying customers to hunt. Although it seems that they didn't account for multiheaded serpents and any associated chomping.
So, the hunters have one guy with an M16/M203, one guy with a bolt-action rifle, one guy with some AK thing, and some other guy whose gun I didn't pay attention to. Looks like its another boltie. Nope, its an SKS.
And now one of the prisoners just tripped and fell over in a completely unrealistic and utterly fake fashion. Solely so he could see a severed arm from the people in the teaser who got et earlier.
And M16 seems to have the weakest legs in the history of time. He just got impaled by a very slow moving spike, that didn't look like it had all too much force behind it. And the dude just radioed in saying that he had a wooden spike through his leg. The guy on the boat asked him if he was OK.
And now someone from the teaser just randomly ran by. Serving to lead the hydra to M16. So, one hunter down, and one hunted down. (M16 shot one of the prisoners before getting the hydra sicced on him... Looks like it was the rapist)
And apparently the U.S. Special Forces train people to kill with leaves and acorns. That seems like it'd be a good skill to have.
And the boat captain appears to have a Mossberg M500 in the chrome finish, which is also called "Mariner". I'm slightly amused by this coincidence...
And apparently the Sword of Hercules is vital for killing the hydra. Didn't Hercules use fire to scorch the stumps of the Hydra's heads to ensure they didn't grow back, rather than just having a fancy sword? Because all that was required in this movie was the sword...
I guess that'll teach me for actually knowing my mythology or whatever...
Friday, March 13, 2009
Breach
Movie about Robert Hanssen, the FBI spy for the Russians.
Good movie. Interesting story.
Oh, and by the way, I apparently drive by the place that he was arrested every day on my way to work. Some day I'll have to stop and see if I can't find the bridge where he did his dead drops.
And apparently Hanssen was kinda a messed up dude...
Good movie. Interesting story.
Oh, and by the way, I apparently drive by the place that he was arrested every day on my way to work. Some day I'll have to stop and see if I can't find the bridge where he did his dead drops.
And apparently Hanssen was kinda a messed up dude...
AVH: Alien vs. Hunter
William Katt, Dedee Pfeiffer (2007) Humans get caught in the crossfire between an intergalactic hunter and another alien.
Sci Fi Saturday movie from 2/21.
Did I make a mistake when typing the title? Should that be "Predator" not "Hunter". Yeah, not so much. This one's another offering from "The Asylum", which is a production company which makes rip-off type movies that are named similarly to actual movies.
I tried to watch "Transmorphers" off of Netflix online, but couldn't get more than 5 minutes in before I got fed up. I was hoping that it was something in the vein of Transformers, but it was some post-apocalyptic movie about a world ruled by robots. Or something. I never paid enough attention for long enough to find out.
Anyways, it looks like the main character in this one is a journalist of some variety. The movie opens with him out on a job, oblivious to the object hurtling down through the atmosphere behind him. He gets stopped by a cop friend who wants the reporter to come along with him to investigate the thing that fell from the sky. The reporter is initially reluctant to come, but is convinced when the cop mentions that he has donuts. I think I might like this character.
Although he did try to stop a car that had just passed by whistling at the driver. On the plus side he did the fingers-in-his-mouth type whistle, rather than just the puckered-mouth method. Which makes it somewhat different from usual... And the guy he was trying to flag down got et by a big ass spider... Perhaps if he'd tried something a bit more effective, rather than just whistling...
Thus far, the movie needs more crotchety old guy. I still think its gonna be hard to top Wyvern. That movie had 2 crotchety old guys, in case you didn't remember...
The survivors went to find some guy, for some reason. Apparently they need his help. Probably because he has a shotgun. Anyways, when they show up, rather than helping them out, he decides to use a paint scraper thing to reflect the sun into their eyes. I guess he just enjoys being a dick. I might like his character, too. Probably be a lot cooler character if he was 20-30 years older. Crotchety middle-aged man in nowhere near as cool as crotchety old man.
Oh, and the Hunter turned out to be a technologically advanced redneck. Human. What a Tweest!
Sci Fi Saturday movie from 2/21.
Did I make a mistake when typing the title? Should that be "Predator" not "Hunter". Yeah, not so much. This one's another offering from "The Asylum", which is a production company which makes rip-off type movies that are named similarly to actual movies.
I tried to watch "Transmorphers" off of Netflix online, but couldn't get more than 5 minutes in before I got fed up. I was hoping that it was something in the vein of Transformers, but it was some post-apocalyptic movie about a world ruled by robots. Or something. I never paid enough attention for long enough to find out.
Anyways, it looks like the main character in this one is a journalist of some variety. The movie opens with him out on a job, oblivious to the object hurtling down through the atmosphere behind him. He gets stopped by a cop friend who wants the reporter to come along with him to investigate the thing that fell from the sky. The reporter is initially reluctant to come, but is convinced when the cop mentions that he has donuts. I think I might like this character.
Although he did try to stop a car that had just passed by whistling at the driver. On the plus side he did the fingers-in-his-mouth type whistle, rather than just the puckered-mouth method. Which makes it somewhat different from usual... And the guy he was trying to flag down got et by a big ass spider... Perhaps if he'd tried something a bit more effective, rather than just whistling...
Thus far, the movie needs more crotchety old guy. I still think its gonna be hard to top Wyvern. That movie had 2 crotchety old guys, in case you didn't remember...
The survivors went to find some guy, for some reason. Apparently they need his help. Probably because he has a shotgun. Anyways, when they show up, rather than helping them out, he decides to use a paint scraper thing to reflect the sun into their eyes. I guess he just enjoys being a dick. I might like his character, too. Probably be a lot cooler character if he was 20-30 years older. Crotchety middle-aged man in nowhere near as cool as crotchety old man.
Oh, and the Hunter turned out to be a technologically advanced redneck. Human. What a Tweest!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Splinter
Shea Whigham, Paulo Costanzo (2008) A vacationing couple and an escaped convict become trapped by a voracious parasite that devours its victims from the inside out.
Sci-Fi Saturday movie from Valentines Day. Charming. Let's see how that turns out.
Anyways, I finally got through all the other stuff on the DVR, and now just have Sci-Fi Saturday movies left. I've been reluctant to review these because, since they're the Sci-Fi Saturday movie, I feel like I actually have to pay attention to them and give them a proper review, rather than only half or quarter paying attention, and then making some snide derogatory comments, and calling it a day.
So, here goes:
According to a bit of Wikipedia research while I wait for something to happen, it seems that the premise of this movie is about 2 people seeking to "retreat to the nearby wilderness for a romantic camping trip in the ancient forests of Oklahoma". Are there ancient forests in Oklahoma? Are there even trees? Apparently there are, as this was filmed near Oklahoma City, and there are currently trees on screen. So either they have an amazing Greens department here, or they're spending all their CG money in the wrong way, or there are actually trees in Oklahoma. I like to think that its the second of the 3 options... That'll be a good reason for the CG to suck later in the movie.
And in a startling change of pace, the female character seems to be more outdoors-oriented than the male character. And apparently Jill Wagner, the female character is actually Larrin from Stargate Atlantis. You know the leader of the Travelers or whatever they were called? The hot one? Yeah, that's the one... Had a feeling she looked familiar.
Apparently the criminal thinks the original main character suffers from a case of severe "CDS"... also known as "Can't Do Shit". Perhaps I'll diagnose myself with this disease, and try to get disability pay because of it...
In other news, Ginger Ale and Arizona Green Tea is an interesting combination. Just thought you might be interested to know that...
Apparently some infections black splinter things are the monster of the week. Some sort of dog animal thing got infected by the stuff, and then they runned it over in their car. And the criminal got infected when they had to change the tire that got punctured by the critter's spikes.
You never really get a good look at the creature because this seems to follow the low-budget SciFi movie standard of really jumpy editing when action is happening...
That was a pretty fantastic commercial. I don't really know what it was for, but it involved a Scottish guy whapping people with a car's dipstick. I enjoyed it. T'was random...
And apparently this Splinter bacterium thing's MO is to make black splinter things, and make people's joints bend the wrong way.
And something tells me that a box-cutter would make a terrible amputation tool. Which is what they're currently using to amputate an infected guy's arm. Seems like they'll be a little bit screwed when they hit the bone. And, yup, they are. So they've swapped the box-cutter for a cinder block. Crude but effective.
Dude just took a shot with a shotgun at the critter that was on one side of a gas station refrigerator glass door. His girlfriend was on the other. That's either brave or really dumb... Guess it all depends on how attached he is to his girlfriend.
Oh, and by the way, the criminal had a heart of gold, predictably...
Sci-Fi Saturday movie from Valentines Day. Charming. Let's see how that turns out.
Anyways, I finally got through all the other stuff on the DVR, and now just have Sci-Fi Saturday movies left. I've been reluctant to review these because, since they're the Sci-Fi Saturday movie, I feel like I actually have to pay attention to them and give them a proper review, rather than only half or quarter paying attention, and then making some snide derogatory comments, and calling it a day.
So, here goes:
According to a bit of Wikipedia research while I wait for something to happen, it seems that the premise of this movie is about 2 people seeking to "retreat to the nearby wilderness for a romantic camping trip in the ancient forests of Oklahoma". Are there ancient forests in Oklahoma? Are there even trees? Apparently there are, as this was filmed near Oklahoma City, and there are currently trees on screen. So either they have an amazing Greens department here, or they're spending all their CG money in the wrong way, or there are actually trees in Oklahoma. I like to think that its the second of the 3 options... That'll be a good reason for the CG to suck later in the movie.
And in a startling change of pace, the female character seems to be more outdoors-oriented than the male character. And apparently Jill Wagner, the female character is actually Larrin from Stargate Atlantis. You know the leader of the Travelers or whatever they were called? The hot one? Yeah, that's the one... Had a feeling she looked familiar.
Apparently the criminal thinks the original main character suffers from a case of severe "CDS"... also known as "Can't Do Shit". Perhaps I'll diagnose myself with this disease, and try to get disability pay because of it...
In other news, Ginger Ale and Arizona Green Tea is an interesting combination. Just thought you might be interested to know that...
Apparently some infections black splinter things are the monster of the week. Some sort of dog animal thing got infected by the stuff, and then they runned it over in their car. And the criminal got infected when they had to change the tire that got punctured by the critter's spikes.
You never really get a good look at the creature because this seems to follow the low-budget SciFi movie standard of really jumpy editing when action is happening...
That was a pretty fantastic commercial. I don't really know what it was for, but it involved a Scottish guy whapping people with a car's dipstick. I enjoyed it. T'was random...
And apparently this Splinter bacterium thing's MO is to make black splinter things, and make people's joints bend the wrong way.
And something tells me that a box-cutter would make a terrible amputation tool. Which is what they're currently using to amputate an infected guy's arm. Seems like they'll be a little bit screwed when they hit the bone. And, yup, they are. So they've swapped the box-cutter for a cinder block. Crude but effective.
Dude just took a shot with a shotgun at the critter that was on one side of a gas station refrigerator glass door. His girlfriend was on the other. That's either brave or really dumb... Guess it all depends on how attached he is to his girlfriend.
Oh, and by the way, the criminal had a heart of gold, predictably...
Veronica Guerin
Cate Blanchett, Gerard McSorley (2003) An Irish journalist endangers her life by investigating Dublin mobsters and their ties to the drug trade.
Honestly the only reason that I recorded this is because Savatage's album "The Wake of Magellan" is somehow related to this story. It's apparently somehow tells the story of Veronica Guerin, and some other boat-related story. I can understand the whole other story being related to the story of "Wake of Magellan", but can't really see how this story is related.
Anyways, t'was an interesting movie, and actually seemed to do a good job of telling Guerin's story.
And as an added bonus, since this movie takes place in Ireland, everyone has an awesome accent. So, if you weren't interested by the story, you might be interested by that...
And no, I'm not going to tell you Guerin's story. I'll let you figure that out on your own. That, and the fact that the description that the DVR gives the movie is accurate, and pretty much tells you the whole story, except for the ending.
Honestly the only reason that I recorded this is because Savatage's album "The Wake of Magellan" is somehow related to this story. It's apparently somehow tells the story of Veronica Guerin, and some other boat-related story. I can understand the whole other story being related to the story of "Wake of Magellan", but can't really see how this story is related.
Anyways, t'was an interesting movie, and actually seemed to do a good job of telling Guerin's story.
And as an added bonus, since this movie takes place in Ireland, everyone has an awesome accent. So, if you weren't interested by the story, you might be interested by that...
And no, I'm not going to tell you Guerin's story. I'll let you figure that out on your own. That, and the fact that the description that the DVR gives the movie is accurate, and pretty much tells you the whole story, except for the ending.
Monday, March 9, 2009
The Watchmen Experience
And now for a few points about the highlights of my Watchmen watching experience:
At some point, someone up front passed gas quite loudly, in the middle of the movie. Now this would normally be worth a chuckle, due to my childish sense of humor, but what made the moment comedy gold was the half surprised, half horrified exclamation of "Oh my goodness!" that followed the wind breaking. And then some more wind breaking, and the group in question quietly fled from the theater.
Another nice moment was the scene where Dr. Manhattan shows off he can make multiples of himself. Up until that point, the scenes had been tastefully cut, so that his translucent, glowing junk never actually showed up on screen. Then there was that scene. I guess the director decided that the first time they'd show Dr. Manhattan's jibblies on screen, they might as well go whole hog, and show 4 of them at the same time. The best part was the "Oh, come on!" exclaimed by someone in the theater.
On a related note, when they finally got around to showing Silk Specter II's cans, a round of applause circulated the theater.
I'll stand by my statement that the male naughty bits to female naughty bits ratio was far too high. Even discounting Dr. Manhattan's glowing wang. We got to see Silk Specter II in the nude for one or two scenes. In those same scenes, Dan Dreiberg was also nude. So they're even. Then, the scene immediately following the boning scene, we got a wonderful shot of Dreiberg's ass. So that's one more for the men than the women...
And do I need to mention the number of times Manhattan's nether regions showed up? I think I'd prefer not to.
On a related note, I think I was successful in not re-using any particular slang term for a dude's willy in this post. Yay me.
At some point, someone up front passed gas quite loudly, in the middle of the movie. Now this would normally be worth a chuckle, due to my childish sense of humor, but what made the moment comedy gold was the half surprised, half horrified exclamation of "Oh my goodness!" that followed the wind breaking. And then some more wind breaking, and the group in question quietly fled from the theater.
Another nice moment was the scene where Dr. Manhattan shows off he can make multiples of himself. Up until that point, the scenes had been tastefully cut, so that his translucent, glowing junk never actually showed up on screen. Then there was that scene. I guess the director decided that the first time they'd show Dr. Manhattan's jibblies on screen, they might as well go whole hog, and show 4 of them at the same time. The best part was the "Oh, come on!" exclaimed by someone in the theater.
On a related note, when they finally got around to showing Silk Specter II's cans, a round of applause circulated the theater.
I'll stand by my statement that the male naughty bits to female naughty bits ratio was far too high. Even discounting Dr. Manhattan's glowing wang. We got to see Silk Specter II in the nude for one or two scenes. In those same scenes, Dan Dreiberg was also nude. So they're even. Then, the scene immediately following the boning scene, we got a wonderful shot of Dreiberg's ass. So that's one more for the men than the women...
And do I need to mention the number of times Manhattan's nether regions showed up? I think I'd prefer not to.
On a related note, I think I was successful in not re-using any particular slang term for a dude's willy in this post. Yay me.
The Shaft
James Marshall, Naomi Watts (2001) A mechanic and a reporter investigate deaths related to an elevator in a New York building.
A bad sci-fi movie, where the monster of the week is an elevator. That's right. An elevator.
And the dude just tried to listen to his watch to see if it was running. Only its a digital watch... Pretty sure they don't make much noise...
And it seems there were a record number of lightning strikes "last night". So I guess it's electricity-caused elevator anger. Which is truly a common ailment these days.
There's only so much you can say about a movie where the monster is an evil elevator... turns out it was some sort of bio-engineered computer chip that turned into a brain or something, and decided to be evil. Let's face it, if you were a bio-engineered computer chip thing and all you had control of was a few elevators, you'd probably turn evil, too, and eat a few people, right?
So, yeah... apparently this movie exists. And now I've seen it, and never have to think about it again.
And now I have to pee. But no one better be doing anything nearby, because peeing apparently requires all sorts of concentration to successfully complete... Or maybe that's just for chicks...
A bad sci-fi movie, where the monster of the week is an elevator. That's right. An elevator.
And the dude just tried to listen to his watch to see if it was running. Only its a digital watch... Pretty sure they don't make much noise...
And it seems there were a record number of lightning strikes "last night". So I guess it's electricity-caused elevator anger. Which is truly a common ailment these days.
There's only so much you can say about a movie where the monster is an evil elevator... turns out it was some sort of bio-engineered computer chip that turned into a brain or something, and decided to be evil. Let's face it, if you were a bio-engineered computer chip thing and all you had control of was a few elevators, you'd probably turn evil, too, and eat a few people, right?
So, yeah... apparently this movie exists. And now I've seen it, and never have to think about it again.
And now I have to pee. But no one better be doing anything nearby, because peeing apparently requires all sorts of concentration to successfully complete... Or maybe that's just for chicks...
Unrest
Corri English, Scot Davis (2006) A first-year medical student investigates a mysterious cadaver that holds a restless spirit.
Pretty much the only thing I'm paying attention to is the musical score. I kind of like it. Its very heavy on the strings. Mainly cello. A bit repetitive, but at least it's got something going on, rather than some scores which are really boring, and nothing really happens with them...
I want to say that the cello-heavy score is pretty standard for horror movies.
And they're doing something with a cadaver tank, and they got some sort of reaching pole stuck in it. So they're sticking their arms into the tank to try to dislodge the pole. And for some reason, they decided that the best course of action for accomplishing this task was to take off their shirts... Probably should mention that the main character is female. And she's already had her shirt off twice, as far as I know... haven't really been paying attention, though...
And apparently, the only clothes you're allowed to wear in Med School are scrubs... or at least, that's the only thing that the med students have worn throughout the movie. Or at least when they're wearing clothes... Main Character's now in a towel, after having just taken a shower... And now so is Male Love Interest. But Main Character has had a chance to change... into? You guessed it! SCRUBS!
And now they're boning.
And now she's attempting to pee. But the shower has turned on, and she can't concentrate. Seems like the running water would make peeing easier, due to the lack of stage fright or whatever. I wasn't aware that peeing required such intense concentration. Thoughts? Comments?
And now someone appears to be brushing his radiator's teeth. Sadly, he's trying to file through the grate, and isn't assisting it with its dental hygiene. Sadly, I haven't a clue who he is, or why we should care about him. Oh! I think its the guy whose fiance was killified by the evil spirit...
And apparently the Aztecs had a god of prostitution... According to Wikipedia, Tlazolteotl is "a goddess of purification, steam bath, midwives, filth, and a patroness of adulterers". That's quite the list. I think, depending on the number of kids I have, I may have to name one of my kids after some Aztec gods. Because they have some truly fantastic names. Further proof that I'm gonna have some seriously messed up kids...
In other news, do they call first year med students "Dr"? Because Main Character is a first-year med student, and everyone keeps calling her Doctor.
And the head doctor guy is pretty awesome because he has a fantastic beard, and a British Accent of some variety.
And apparently, they have bolt cutters in the anatomy lab. I guess for when you're trying to dissect robots or terminators or something... And now they're back at the cadaver tank, and they've taken off their shirts again. Even though he only went in with his legs and stuff, and she didn't go in at all. Oh, OK, now he's fully submerged himself in whatever sort of liquid is in the tank with the bodies. I guess, "human bean juice" in the immortal words of one Walter Kovacs.
Pretty much the only thing I'm paying attention to is the musical score. I kind of like it. Its very heavy on the strings. Mainly cello. A bit repetitive, but at least it's got something going on, rather than some scores which are really boring, and nothing really happens with them...
I want to say that the cello-heavy score is pretty standard for horror movies.
And they're doing something with a cadaver tank, and they got some sort of reaching pole stuck in it. So they're sticking their arms into the tank to try to dislodge the pole. And for some reason, they decided that the best course of action for accomplishing this task was to take off their shirts... Probably should mention that the main character is female. And she's already had her shirt off twice, as far as I know... haven't really been paying attention, though...
And apparently, the only clothes you're allowed to wear in Med School are scrubs... or at least, that's the only thing that the med students have worn throughout the movie. Or at least when they're wearing clothes... Main Character's now in a towel, after having just taken a shower... And now so is Male Love Interest. But Main Character has had a chance to change... into? You guessed it! SCRUBS!
And now they're boning.
And now she's attempting to pee. But the shower has turned on, and she can't concentrate. Seems like the running water would make peeing easier, due to the lack of stage fright or whatever. I wasn't aware that peeing required such intense concentration. Thoughts? Comments?
And now someone appears to be brushing his radiator's teeth. Sadly, he's trying to file through the grate, and isn't assisting it with its dental hygiene. Sadly, I haven't a clue who he is, or why we should care about him. Oh! I think its the guy whose fiance was killified by the evil spirit...
And apparently the Aztecs had a god of prostitution... According to Wikipedia, Tlazolteotl is "a goddess of purification, steam bath, midwives, filth, and a patroness of adulterers". That's quite the list. I think, depending on the number of kids I have, I may have to name one of my kids after some Aztec gods. Because they have some truly fantastic names. Further proof that I'm gonna have some seriously messed up kids...
In other news, do they call first year med students "Dr"? Because Main Character is a first-year med student, and everyone keeps calling her Doctor.
And the head doctor guy is pretty awesome because he has a fantastic beard, and a British Accent of some variety.
And apparently, they have bolt cutters in the anatomy lab. I guess for when you're trying to dissect robots or terminators or something... And now they're back at the cadaver tank, and they've taken off their shirts again. Even though he only went in with his legs and stuff, and she didn't go in at all. Oh, OK, now he's fully submerged himself in whatever sort of liquid is in the tank with the bodies. I guess, "human bean juice" in the immortal words of one Walter Kovacs.
Ginger Snaps Back: The Beginning
Katharine Isabelle, Emily Perkins (2004) Sisters in 19th-century Canada take refuge at a remote outpost that is besieged by werewolves.
For some reason, I decided to record this one, even though I'd seen the sequel, or prequel, or whatever. And I don't really remember how I reviewed it, but I'm relatively certain that it wasn't a favorable review.
Pretty much the only thing this movie has going for it thus far is that it's got Martouf in it... And that's not a good sign, because I'm just about finished with it... But I do like Martouf as an actor. Well, technically, I like J.R. Bourne as an actor, but would you have any idea who I was talking about if I referred to him as such?
For some reason, I decided to record this one, even though I'd seen the sequel, or prequel, or whatever. And I don't really remember how I reviewed it, but I'm relatively certain that it wasn't a favorable review.
Pretty much the only thing this movie has going for it thus far is that it's got Martouf in it... And that's not a good sign, because I'm just about finished with it... But I do like Martouf as an actor. Well, technically, I like J.R. Bourne as an actor, but would you have any idea who I was talking about if I referred to him as such?
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Watchmen again
Just wanted to mention that they introduced Rorschach properly. I believe his first lines involved combination of the letters "H", "R", and "M", and nothing else. Which is precisely how he was introduced in the book.
However, I was sort of disappointed about the lack of the extreme close-up of his mouth eating beans... I was looking forward to seeing that particular frame captured in film...
However, I was sort of disappointed about the lack of the extreme close-up of his mouth eating beans... I was looking forward to seeing that particular frame captured in film...
Pale Rider
Clint Eastwood in a role where his character doesn't actually have a name. Just known as the Preacher due to the collar he wears at the beginning of the movie...
There's the whole beginning bit where not a lot happens, except that Eastwood convinces some folk to stand up against "the man" of some variety.
And then he proceeded to blow up some stuff with dynamite. And got saved by Jaws from James Bond.
And then ate some food. A bunch of people tried to sneak up on him and shoot him while he ate, but ended up putting a whole bunch of random holes into the saloon. At which point Eastwood asked them if they were finished, and then shot them all as they reloaded. Or at least those that didn't run away in a very goofy fashion.
I think I may have to elevate Clint Eastwood's standings on my Heterosexual Man Crush list. He's still below Richard Dean Anderson and Harrison Ford, but he's probably number 3 on the list right now... or at least he's the one I can remember right now, as I'm watching him in a movie. And he does have fancier hats than most Anderson of Ford characters, except for maybe Indy.
And now he just completely beat some guy in a quick-draw show down. By which I mean, he had his gun drawn and pointed, before the other guy even got the gun moving out of the holster. At which point the bad guy still attempted the draw after a brief bit of angry talking, and got six-gunned in the chest for his troubles. And then shot in the forehead. Moral of this story: Don't fuck with Eastwood.
And I just realized something. Earlier in the movie, there was snow all over the town. Now there's none in the final show-down... Hrm...
There's the whole beginning bit where not a lot happens, except that Eastwood convinces some folk to stand up against "the man" of some variety.
And then he proceeded to blow up some stuff with dynamite. And got saved by Jaws from James Bond.
And then ate some food. A bunch of people tried to sneak up on him and shoot him while he ate, but ended up putting a whole bunch of random holes into the saloon. At which point Eastwood asked them if they were finished, and then shot them all as they reloaded. Or at least those that didn't run away in a very goofy fashion.
I think I may have to elevate Clint Eastwood's standings on my Heterosexual Man Crush list. He's still below Richard Dean Anderson and Harrison Ford, but he's probably number 3 on the list right now... or at least he's the one I can remember right now, as I'm watching him in a movie. And he does have fancier hats than most Anderson of Ford characters, except for maybe Indy.
And now he just completely beat some guy in a quick-draw show down. By which I mean, he had his gun drawn and pointed, before the other guy even got the gun moving out of the holster. At which point the bad guy still attempted the draw after a brief bit of angry talking, and got six-gunned in the chest for his troubles. And then shot in the forehead. Moral of this story: Don't fuck with Eastwood.
And I just realized something. Earlier in the movie, there was snow all over the town. Now there's none in the final show-down... Hrm...
Watchmen
A short initial review (we'll see if I get motivated to write a longer one later):
Dear Doctor Manhattan:
Wear Pants.
Thanks.
Dear Doctor Manhattan:
Wear Pants.
Thanks.
Re-Infected
The end of the movie was pretty dum.
Apparently the dude's blood was toxic to the aliens, so he stuck his arm in some tube, which somehow delivered whatever protein was in his blood to a couple hundred people, in sufficient concentration to give them all immunity as well.
And then still managed to survive and bleed on the big bad guy to kill him...
Apparently the dude's blood was toxic to the aliens, so he stuck his arm in some tube, which somehow delivered whatever protein was in his blood to a couple hundred people, in sufficient concentration to give them all immunity as well.
And then still managed to survive and bleed on the big bad guy to kill him...
Friday, March 6, 2009
Infected
Gil Bellows, Maxim Roy (2008) Two newspaper reporters work together to stop an alien conspiracy.
Appears to be a modern adaptation of my earliest memory of the internet. In 8th grade (the first time I ever remember using the internet), we had to do some sort project. Honestly, I can't remember what the purpose was, I only remember that I discovered a conspiracy theory stating that 50% of all humans were actually chickens in human suits.
Which is what this is. Only without the chickens. Its just aliens. Which is so much worse than it being chickens...
And apparently Judd Nelson doesn't own a comb. Or has some contractual obligation in all the movies he is in, that states that he cannot be clean-shaven or have combed hair. Or non-rumpled clothes...
More later. Let's see if I actually review the other half, or just watch it without commenting, and pretend it didn't happen.
Appears to be a modern adaptation of my earliest memory of the internet. In 8th grade (the first time I ever remember using the internet), we had to do some sort project. Honestly, I can't remember what the purpose was, I only remember that I discovered a conspiracy theory stating that 50% of all humans were actually chickens in human suits.
Which is what this is. Only without the chickens. Its just aliens. Which is so much worse than it being chickens...
And apparently Judd Nelson doesn't own a comb. Or has some contractual obligation in all the movies he is in, that states that he cannot be clean-shaven or have combed hair. Or non-rumpled clothes...
More later. Let's see if I actually review the other half, or just watch it without commenting, and pretend it didn't happen.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Seriously?
You canceled "Life on Mars"? You rat bastards. That is quite possibly one of the best shows on TV right now. If you cancel Life on Mars, but keep the travesty that is Knight Rider, I'm just going to have to find you, and kick you squarely in the testicles. Repeatedly.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
L.A. Confidential
There's a scene where Russel Crowe's character is interrogating some guy, and grabs his jibblies to incentivize him to talk. I wonder what sort of sounds the foley artist came up with for that scene...
I suppose that's why they pay them the big bucks. Anyone can make punching and walking noises, but it takes a certain kind of genius to come up with the perfect sound for Russel Crowe crushing some guy's balls.
I suppose that's why they pay them the big bucks. Anyone can make punching and walking noises, but it takes a certain kind of genius to come up with the perfect sound for Russel Crowe crushing some guy's balls.
Beowulf
This time its the 2007 version with the CG and all.
Beowulf needs to put on some damn pants. Apparently he likes to fight in the nude. Although the movie's doing a good job of keeping his jibblies off screen, being blocked by the random objects on screen.
Some weird perspective issues, but I guess that's the nature of the beast with a pure CG movie.
And some of the fight scenes, especially the one with the dragon, were very God of War esque, what the the chains and stuff...
And I thought it was very interesting how they showed the dragon roaring with an open mouth, and they showed something vibrating in the back of its throat, so it actually was sort of credible that it was making the sort of noise that it was.
Oh, and dragons apparently have terrifically small hearts. About the size of your fist. Even if the dragon is ginormously huge. I'm intrigued to know how well such a circulatory system would work... probably not all that well.
Viking funerals seem very inefficient. If multiple people from one ship died, did each get their own ship to be burned? Or did they have to build more ships just to burn them?
And Angelina Jolie's CG boobs apparently defy gravity.
And honestly, is there any better way I could end this review that with that last statement?
Beowulf needs to put on some damn pants. Apparently he likes to fight in the nude. Although the movie's doing a good job of keeping his jibblies off screen, being blocked by the random objects on screen.
Some weird perspective issues, but I guess that's the nature of the beast with a pure CG movie.
And some of the fight scenes, especially the one with the dragon, were very God of War esque, what the the chains and stuff...
And I thought it was very interesting how they showed the dragon roaring with an open mouth, and they showed something vibrating in the back of its throat, so it actually was sort of credible that it was making the sort of noise that it was.
Oh, and dragons apparently have terrifically small hearts. About the size of your fist. Even if the dragon is ginormously huge. I'm intrigued to know how well such a circulatory system would work... probably not all that well.
Viking funerals seem very inefficient. If multiple people from one ship died, did each get their own ship to be burned? Or did they have to build more ships just to burn them?
And Angelina Jolie's CG boobs apparently defy gravity.
And honestly, is there any better way I could end this review that with that last statement?
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