2009 Belgian Grand Prix

Championship leader Button and reigning World Champion Lewis Hamilton both out in the first lap due to a big crash. Also, F1's 2 newest drivers Algersuari and Grosjean also out.

Blog-favorite Vettel in 3rd.

Blog-other-favorite Kimi Raikonnen with the win. The power-boost provided by his KERS helped him quite a bit throughout the race, and even got him the lead, allowing him to pass Fisichella right off the bat.

Force India driver Giancarlo Fisichella in second for Force India's first points ever. Great race by him in a very improved car.

Another unsafe pit lane release for Mark Webber, giving him a drive-through penalty, and putting him out of the points.

Rubens Barichello in 7th. Was looking a bit rough for the last few laps, as his engine was smoking pretty heavily, but he still managed to finish, after backing off a bit. Seems it was just an oil leak, but still was looking pretty hairy. And as he pulled into the pits after the race, his car was on fire.

Vettel back to 3rd place in the Championship standings, 19 points behind Button. Barichello picked up 2 points, and is now 3 points ahead of Vettel. Webber is now 2.5 behind.

And it seems that Vettel seems to enjoy his juice as much as Kimi. And he makes a good interviewee. He's so happy and cheerful. Also "interviewee" isn't a typo. FYI.

And now I need to go pack for my business trip tomorrow.

The Previews

No extensive discussion of the movie right now. I really liked it, but need some time to digest it before I can review it. Until then, go see District 9. And stay through the credits. No extra scene or anything, but some really good music.

Anyways, on to the previews.

That movie with Megan Fox: Jennifer's Body or somesuch. Reminds me how much I don't care for Megan Fox. Sure, she's supposedly stupidly hot, but you put just about anyone in a miniskirt and a tiny shirt, and they'll be pretty hot. Except for me. That'd just be weird.

Surrogates: Some sort of SciFi thing where everyone uses robotic surrogates to live their life for them. Bruce Willis has one. His surrogate has awesome hair. And by awesome, I mean completely ridiculous. Then Bruce Willis wakes up, and goes after stuff with his actual body. Which has the bald and scruffy goatteed look that we've come to expect from Mr. Willis.

Law Abiding Citizen: You remember that movie with Jodie Foster or Helen Hunt (I can never tell the 2 apart)? The one where she gets robbed or mugged, and then goes on some sort of Vendetta. Well, instead of Jodie or Helen, we have Gerard Butler. Apparently someone killed his family, and the killer got off on some sort of deal. So, being the King Leonaidas type, he blows a lot of stuff up, and kills a bunch of people in seemingly increasingly ridiculous manners.

There was one other one that seemed like it could be interesting, but I can't remember what it was.

Full review of the movie at some later point. When its not midnight.

District 9 soon

Off to go see District 9. Assuming they're not sold out.

That means I have to put on pants... Dang.

Chuck Norris

Some random promo for Delta Force and Delta Force 2:

Guy1: What if Chuck Norris from Delta Force had to fight Chuck Norris from Delta Force 2. Who would lose?
Gut2: America.

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

Robert Downey Jr., Val Kilmer (2005) Hoping to land a movie role, a thief learns investigative techniques from a detective. Based in part on a novel by Brett Halliday.

As it stands, I'm not really sure why I decided to record this movie. Because the description sounds very lame. Probably because its got Iron Man in it, as well as Val Kilmer's role for Heat...

Val Kilmer: "A talking monkey. Came here from the future. Only says 'ficus'."

Val Kilmer: "Look up 'idiot' in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?
Iron Man: "A picture of me?"
Val Kilmer: "No, the definition of the word 'idiot', which you are."

This movie has Iron Man as the narrator. A very random, stream-of-conciousness narrator. So random, that I have little to no idea what's gong on. But its so random and has a collection of ridiculous lines that I'm gonna keep watching. And chronicling them for you.

Also, bonus Corbin Bernsen (also known as Shawn's dad from Psych)

"Don't quit your gay job." Should probably mention that Val Kilmer's character is named "Gay" Perry.

Iron Man pistol whips a guy who pistol whipped him earlier: "Doesn't that suck? I just hit you for no reason. I don't know why."

Val Kilmer: "You think that's funny, huh? I'm going to break your nose now." "I want you to picture a bullet inside your head. Can you do that for me?"
Pistol Whipped Guy: "That's ambiguous"
Val Kilmer: "Ambiguous? No, I don't think so."
Iron Man: "No, I think he means when you say 'picture it inside your head', OK, is that a bullet will be inside your head, or in your head, like form an image."

Apparently if you have 1 bullet in a revolver, Iron Man thinks its an 8% chance of shooting someone. Because he just did the whole "put one bullet in a revolver, spin it a bunch, and then intimidate someone by shooting it." Unfortunately, he shot the guy with the first shot. And everyone is hilariously incredulous that it happened.

Sadly, there are a bunch of hilarious and ridiculous lines in this movie, but I don't feel like pausing the movie every time one comes about so I can type it out.

Val Kilmer:"I shot him with a revolver that I keep near my balls." Apparently homophobes don't check your wang-ular region when they frisk you. FYI.

Also, Michelle Monaghan is pretty cute. FYI.

And they did a big reveal of what actually happened during the movie, but I didn't actually pay attention.

Val Kilmer on the topic of whether his father loved him when he was a kid: "Well, he used to beat me in Morse Code, so its possible..."

And he, the narrator, just mocked the fact that the last Lord of the Ring movie ended 17 times.

And we're about to record "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus"!

"And for all of you in the mid-West, I'm sorry we said **** so much."

2009 Belgian Grand Prix Qualifying

Uh. What? Giancarlo Fisichella from Force India on pole? The team that has yet to score a point (by finishing in the top 8) in its 2 and a half years of existence as a team. Thus far, they've been running at the back.

Blog favorite Sebastian Vettel qualified in 8th. Luckily Championship leader Jenson Button qualified 14th. The other Championship contenders are more of a threat to Vettel's race. Teammate Mark Webber in 9th, and Button's teammate and Valencia winner, Rubens Barichello, in 4th.

Other blog-favorites: Ferrari's Kimi Raikkonen in 6th, but he should be pretty dangerous at the start with the KERS power boost. Rookie Swiss-man Sebastien Buemi in 16th.

And I really like the commentators for SPEED. They're really enthusiastic, and seem to have good idea of what they're talking about...

Hawaii

The awesomeness of this picture pretty much sums up my latest trip to Hawaii:


By the way, you should totally click on the picture to make it much bigger. And then you can get a better idea of the intense awesomeness that's going on in this picture.

Perfect Creature

Dougray Scott, Saffron Burrows (2006) A renegade vampire threatens the peaceful coexistence between humans and the undead.

Syfy Sunday movie from 8/16.

I have no idea how to pronounce "Dougray", but I'm hoping its more "Doog-ray", as opposed to "Doug-ray".

Zeppelins! So, similar to Mutant Chronicles or whatever, it seems we're going to have a very steampunk sort of movie today.

So, you remember that Sanctuary TV show? The one with Amanda Tapping from Stargate? The one that I didn't particularly like? Yeah, that one. Remember why I didn't like it? The whole CG backgrounds being obviously CG thing? Yeah, this movie seems to be rocking the same sort of aesthetic. Although they do seem to be using some actual sets, and then using CG set extensions.

By the way, this movie is from New Zealand. Which means that everyone's got a pretty sweet accent.

So, far it seems to be a "Jack the Ripper was a vampire" sort of thing. Except that vampires aren't myth or legend, but a relatively large part of society. Well, maybe not numbers-wise, but they seem to be in charge of the Church, and have convinced the Humans that vampires are closer to God than humans.

This movie did a pretty adequate job of not sucking. I have to say that I'm actually kind of impressed.

And I really, really have to poop.

Infestation

Christopher Marquette, Brooke Nevin (2009) An office worker leads the fight against a swarm of giant insects.

Syfy Saturday movie from 8/8.

So, gigantor bugs take over, and en-webify/cocoonacize everyone. For some strange reason, some people wake up.

And then a guy jumps out of a moving truck. And his leg explodes. The truck was going about 5 miles an hour. Tops.

Oh, and by the way, I despise the main character. He's very annoying.

Although he's growing on me. As he just tried to use one of Hannibal Lecter's lines as a pick-up line... Sadly not the "Hello Clarice!" one, immediately followed by that weird tongue clicking thing...

And apparently the bugs are using humans for fancy hats. That's really the only way this bug/human hybrid thing can be described....

Blurred Syfy boobs at 59 minutes in. FYI.

OK. Thus far, everyone that they've found cocooned can be revived relatively easily. But they haven't tried to revive everyone they've come across. Just sort of random folks. Seems to me that the ideal move in this circumstance would be to wake everyone up, so you have the biggest army possible to fight the gigantic bugs...

Apparently after folks get stung, they eventually turn into those bug/human hybrids. FYI. Dogs, too.

Luckily Main Character Guy's dad has a bomb shelter. Which was described as a normal thing, because he's "ex-military".

"Let me tell you a story: You're an idiot!"

Guy's got some sort of rifle, and yet he's got a shotgun-shell holder on the stock with shotgun shells in it. No sign of a shotgun. I guess he's just keeping the ammo in case he finds a shotgun. Seems like a good idea... But he had a shotgun in his armory... You, sir, make no sense. That's why you's dead now.

Also, they've got one of those AK-type things that have been dressed up to look like and M16.

And they've continued the video game convention that whenever you put on night-vision goggles, it makes a high pitched whine/beep noise.

And they forgot to but batteries in the detonator. And then the alien meteor thing exploded far too quickly to give them any sort of opportunity to escape. But somehow they did. It is a darn shame.

OK, I kind of like what they did with the ending. Everyone was all like "Whoah", and "Oh, crap!", but they didn't show what they were exclaiming about. And they did it in such an ambiguous fashion that it could have been either a good or a bad thing...

Dragonquest some more

I didn't rewatch it or anything, I just remembered something:

The scene where they introduce the main character, he is actively being a peeping tom. Nothing like setting good example with your main characters...

Best Fortune Cookie Fortune Ever

"You are going to have some new clothes."

Dragonquest

Marc Singer, Brian Thompson (2009) A young hero must awaken a dragon to battle a legendary creature summoned by a warlord.

Syfy Saturday moving from 8/1.

Another one of those "The Asylum" movies. So, basically, its gonna be crap. Sadly no Stephen Baldwin, though.

Seems like sort of a cross between 300 and The Lord Of The Rings. The battle scenes have a similar style to 300, but with a lot worse CG. And then there's a quest thing that the main character is going on, which seems very Lord of the Rings-like. Only he doesn't seem to have to destroy the artifact, but instead he has to awaken a dragon. Or so says the description.

And now this guy seems to be channeling his inner Yoda. With the annoying voice, the fragments of sentences, and the whacking of the main character with his cane.

And now there's a huge spider. Just thought you should know. I don't know why there's a big spider, just thought you should know. Not quite big enough to be Shelob, but you gotta know they're gonna try... And for the record, the big spider just walked by. Nothing else. Just walked by, for no apparent reason.

This movie is terrible. I have no idea what's going on. And I don't really care. But luckily this dude seems to have all but one of the gems he's collecting. That spells hope for this movie being over soon.

And the climax of this movie is a 10 minute scene of the main character and the main baddie shooting energy out of their hands at each other, accompanied by a really annoying noise. Meanwhile, the female main character is beating up random fools while wearing what is akin to a tube top and hot pants.

2009 European Grand Prix

Barichello won. First time for him since 2004 or so.

Blog-favorite Vettel's engine broke.

Webber finished 9th, and out of the points. Button finished 7th.

Barichello's now back to second in the championship standings.

Luca Badoer finished in 17th spot, ahead of 2 drivers who didn't finish (Vettel and Buemi), and the ever so useless Kazuki Nakajima from Williams Toyota.

Also, everyone's favorite Finn, Kimi Raikkonnen, finished on the podium for the 2nd consecutive race. And enjoyed his juice. And spent a decent amount of time picking his fingernails during the post-race interviews.

Seabiscuit

Tobey Maguire, Jeff Bridges (2003) A jockey, an automobile magnate and a trainer lead a racehorse to glory during the Great Depression. Based on a book by Laura Hillenbrand.

For some reason, I thought that Spiderman's last name started with "Mc" or "Mac", but apparently not.

And I also hate how the guy who writes the descriptions for these movies always leaves off the comma before the "and" in lists.

Jeff Bridges hairstyle is the complete opposite of hi hairstyle in Iron Man. Just thought you should know.

And I really like what they did with the beginning of the big race between Seabiscuit and War Admiral. Immediately after the starting bell, they cut to some black and white photographs (similar to what they've been showing throughout the movie), and then slowly fade in the announcer calling the race, while showing a few more black and white photos. And after a decent amount of time, they cut to the actual race.

And Tobey Maguire looks really strange with artificial red hair.

Good movie, though.

Good use of the music.

Eureka!

Jamie Ray Newman is pretty attractive. Just thought you should know.

Also, she's a Stargate alumnus, having played the role of Sgt Cadman in Atlantis. Most memorably during the episode Duet, when she gets stuck in Dr. McKay's body.

I have to pee

Haven't told you about my bathroom habits lately, so I figure I should let you know.

2009 European Grand Prix Qualifying

So, a few weeks/days/somethings ago, I commented that Micheal Schumacher was set to make his Formula 1 return in the European Grand Prix in Valencia Spain. However, due to a prior injury he sustained in a motorcycle race earlier this year, he decided that his body wasn't up to the stresses of a full F1 race. So, instead of having a seven-time world champion running for them, Ferrari has decided to give their long-standing test driver Luca Badoer the start. Their test driver who's almost as old as Schumacher, and hasn't driven in an F1 race since 1999.

Does that sound like he's gonna be slow? Because he is. He qualified 20th, also known as "last". Throughout this year, the lap times from pole to the 20th have been separated by just over a second. For this qualifying session, Badoer was 2 seconds back. So, he's slower than poo.

And Renault have announced that Frenchman Romain Grosjean will replace the rather useless Nelson Piquet Jr. In his first Grand Prix qualifying, he got to about 14th. So, not a bad first start for Grosjean.

Hamilton on pole. His McLaren teammate Kovalainen in 2nd. Brawn's Rubens Barichello in 3rd. Blog Favorite Sebastian Vettel from Red Bull in 4th. Championship leader Jenson Button of Brawn GP in 5th.

Vettel's teammate Mark Webber is down in ninth. And that's pretty much everyone that might have any sort of chance of winning the World Championship at this point.

Barichello's rocking the goatee again. FYI.

The start of tomorrow's race should be interesting. Both McLarens have the KERS unit, which gives them an extra boost of power, which will probably make them hard to pass off the line. That, and Barichello's tendency to hit everyone and their mother at the beginning of the race, should make for an interesting start to tomorrow's race.

Mad Men

Pete Campbell dances like a weenus when he is happy.

And Dr. Whatsisname from Resident Evil: Apocalypse has decided to give up evil doctoring, and taken up advertising. Or financing in advertising. Or something.

Ashford. Doctor Ashford. That's his name. Just thought you should know.

Apparently, the beds are really springy in the 60s.

Also, I don't think I've talked much about Mad Men yet. Good show. Not very action-ful, but a good character drama.

And Don Draper is awesome. FYI.

Wanted

That movie about curving bullets with Angelina Jolie.

Angelina Jolie's another of those people who are occasionally really hot, and occasionally weird me out completely. Lets see how this one is.

That reminds me that I want to live in a castle. In this case, its "Textile Factory 17", which for some reason looks like a castle. Or is a castle.

Also, Angelina Jolie's ass is far superior to some random dude's ass from the beginning of the movie.

I guess Morgan Freeman is this generation's James Earl Jones. He's got the same sort of presence and voice, and seems to fill the same roles.

And I like the fact that when they wake up in their rejuvenation chamber things, they look like they're covered in donut icing.

This movie is just downright absurd.

Also, I'm kinda digging the hand tattoo thing that Angelina Jolie's rocking in this movie...

And Thomas Kretschmann as the baddie. I do like him. Although he doesn't have any lines thus far, and his accent is pretty awesome.

This movie is absurd. Completely and utterly absurd. Why can't they make a movie where assassins can curve bullets without making the movie completely absurd. Oh, wait...

James McAvoy or whatever came really really close to surfing on his dead father's body. I was really hoping that he'd go for it...

MotoGP Update

Randy DePuniet recently broke his ankle while training. Thus he wasn't in top form, and was unable to repeat his 3rd place finish last race. He ended up in 10th, after qualifying 12th.

Also, I've decided to add another feature to the MotoGP reviews, in addition to the Randy Report. This one's concerned with Valentino Rossi's speech on the podium.

I don't know if I've mentioned Valentino Rossi in my blog yet, but he is quite possible the best motorcycle racer in the world. Probably of all time. So, naturally, he ends up on the podium a lot, and gives a lot of speeches.

Some of his interesting word choices include:

- Pronouncing his teammate Jorge Lorenzo's name as "Yor-gay", as opposed to the more common "Hor-hay".
- Using variants of the word "pooosh". As in "Keep poooshing".
- Using the word "fantasteeeek" to describe parts of the race.

I will keep a record of these three things, and whether Rossi mentions these 3 common themes in his speech.

For the Czech Motorcycle Grand Prix, Rossi won, so he got to make his speech/interview thing. He included "Yor-gay" and "pooosh" in his speech, but sadly didn't use the word "fantasteeeek". I was sorta sad.

The Big Hit

Mark Wahlberg, Lou Diamond Phillips (1998) The kidnapping of a millionaire's daughter turns bad for an insecure hit man and his partner.

Mark Wahlberg's character is named Melvin.

This movie seems suitably absurd. Lou Diamond Phillips' character and another of his co-hit men are having coffee in the middle of a hit. While Mark Wahlberg shoots a bunch of people.

Also, Captain Sisko from DS9 is a mob boss...

Also, Lou Diamond Phillips' character is completely absurd. I haven't seen too much of his other work, but he's gonna have a role in the new Stargate series. Seems to be at least a decent actor.

I do enjoy Mark Wahlberg though. He generally does a really good job of portraying whatever character he is playing.

Fantastic Voyage

Stephen Boyd, Raquel Welch (1966) A surgical task force is reduced to microbe size to perform a delicate operation inside the brain of a dying scientist.

I imagine this was pretty advanced and awesome for 1966, but int today's standards, its not all that great. Interesting to see Syfy playing some older sci-fi, rather than just relying on the drivel that's come out since the 80s or so. Probably the first older movie that I've reviewed on this blog that aired on the SciFi Channel, or Syfy.

Hell's Kitchen

It was like a Kitchen-ocalypse. It was like a hand grenade went off in a cow's ass.

The Hive

Tom Wopat (2007) A scientist and an entomologist must stop a horde of flesh-eating army ants that are rampaging through Brazil.

You remember how I always complain about movies that feature ants as the villains? And how ants make terrible monsters? Yup. This one's probably gonna suck something awful.

Why did I choose this as my first review since coming back from my trip? I'm an idiot...

Some guy just flame-throwed the air for no apparent reason. And it just served as a scene transition to a different scene where someone else was flamethrowing the air for no apparent reason.

Also, these guys apparently have ant-killing lasers. Which seems needlessly complicated.

Also "tele-met-ree" as opposed to "tuh-lem-uh-tree".

And ants can apparently make tentacles. Like in The Abyss. And then an ant crawled inside a guy's ear and bit something. Hopefully he turns into a ant-human hybrid.

Apparently the ant colony has become self aware. No news on the hybrid-dude yet.

And apparently if you get enough ants in a room together, they turn into a computer...

And then the ants joined together and formed a giant ant. And then got blowed-up by the ant-human hybrid thing. And then some sort of energy shaped like an ant flew away? Aliens? The authority figure is as incredulous as I am.

I quite literally have no idea what the hell just happened in this movie.

AcipHex

I have no idea what this is supposed to do, but a medicine that is pronounce Ass-Effects is something I don't want to try. I wonder if its a laxative...

Bed!

I get to sleep in my own bed tonight!

Air Traffic Control

One of the options for the in-flight radio-thing on United Airlines flights s to be able to listen to the Air Traffic Control radio. You can hear you flight asking for clearance to take off, and all that sorts of stuff. Its pretty durn nifty,

I was intrigued to hear that the tower gave our plane the choice of runways as we were leaving Honolulu. I guess it was a rather un-busy time or something.

And apparently Air Traffic Controllers use the phrase "Good Day" to denote that they're done talking, instead of something like "Over". I was amused. Especially because as we were leaving Denver a few days back there was a pilot on the radio who had quite the distinctive Australian accent.

Hawaii

I should have posted a "Hawaii - Actual Woo!" post at some point in the past 3 days, but I never catually turned on my computer since leaving Denver International Airport whenever that happened.

So, take that, fiends.

Denver Again

Woo.

Chicago

There should have been a "Chicago - Woo." post sometime on Monday, but they wanted me to pay for the internet. Screw that.

Denver

Woo.

Omaha!

Woo!

The Kingdom

Movie about a bombing in Saudi Arabia, and the investigation that follows it.

Apparently the FBI Dream Team for investigating, involves a blind piano-player/singer, a known traitor, a very disguise-tastic secret agent, and a housing company president. Roughly translated as Ray Charles from Ray, Robert Hanssen from Breach, that chick from Alias, and Michael Bluth from Arrested Development.

And the State Department guy just referred to Jennifer Garner's boobs as "situations".

And I've decided that I want an Apache gunship to escort me around. It'd be awesome. Maybe I could ride in it, too...

I like what they're doing with some of the Saudis speaking with each other. For some of the arguments between two Saudi characters when an American character is present, they don't have subtitles, and rely on translations by the characters after the fact. Helps add to the air of foreign-ness.

Rather good filming and cutting of the fight/chase scenes. Very frantic, but the shots are still long enough that you still have a decent idea of what's going on. Unlike some of the Bad SciFi stuff. Average shot's probably about 2 seconds long in this one, compared with about half a second for most of the bad SciFi stuff.

Also, Jennifer Garner = Zombie. Going for brains. OK, she's kinda hot, but the whole Zombie thing is kinda turning me off right now. She's one of those people who are really hot at certain points, and then not so much at others. Tis very strange.

OK, note to self: Do not fuck with Jennifer Garner. She'll try to eat your brains. Then she'll stab you in the balls. Then the chest. Then the back of the head.

Quite a good action movie. Well worth a watch.

Psych's back.

FYI, Psych is back.

"A gentleman of leisure never packs his weapon next to his socks. Its uncouth."

When negotiating a trap: "They're three lasers. Plus they're Canadian lasers."

Last Night's Eureka

Sheriff Carter: "I usually baseball, or global catastrophe... Or cake."

Apparently last year was sponsored by Degree Antiperspirant. This year seems to be Subaru.

Lots of really good lines in this one...

Get Shorty

John Travolta, Gene Hackman (1995) A film-loving loan shark teams with a B-movie producer to become a Hollywood mogul. From Elmore Leonard's best seller.

John Travolta just had an argument with Dennis Farina about the proper use of "e.g." versus "i.e.". I was gonna blog and complain about how Farina misused it, but Travolta did it for me. I might like this movie...

And the movie has Delroy Lindo.

But sadly, it has failed to keep my attention. So now I will watch some Mad Men.

Malibu Shark Attack

Peta Wilson (2009) An earthquake unleashes huge, prehistoric sharks that terrorize scenic California.

Syfy Saturday movie from 7/25.

I guess the 25th was a shark-themed day, as that's when "Spring Break Shark Attack" aired as well.

Also, prehistoric sharks are really ugly. FYI. They really need to go to the Orthodontist. And they've got some sort of Unicorn thing going on...

And I'm not gonna do my standard "Time it takes female characters to get scantily clad" reporting, because this is a beach-related movie, and the establishing shots were all scantily clad women. And continue to be.

They've just killed off a number of random characters. I wonder if we were supposed to care about them.

Sharks vs. Para-sailers? Potential for hilarity.

So, far, the main characters seem to be lifeguards. There's Angry Dude, Woman Who Just Got Proposed To, Woman Who Quite Possibly Might Be A Dude, and Young Sarcastic Guy.

There's a tsunami warning thanks to the earthquake. And they're evacuating the beach. So, the director decided to show a shot of a highway full of traffic to show that everyone was trying to leave. Unfortunately, they panned to the oncoming traffic, which was also jammed. Apparently, while most people flee from tsunamis, there are an approximately equal number of people who flock towards them.

And our intrepid lifeguards are taking shelter in their lifeguard hut. Behind their plywood shutters. Hiding from a tsunami. But it seems that wasn't a bad idea. Because in Malibu Shark Attack World large amounts of water going at stupidly fast speeds don't actually affect all that much when they hit stuff. I think it filled the hut with about 2 feet of water, and broke one of the slats on one of the shutters. Of a hut right on the beach. Which is now surrounded by water. Water that is well over 10 feet deep.

One of the female characters was maliciously wounded by a falling filing cabinet. She's very annoying. What with the screaming and stuff. Oh, wait. I haven't named her yet. I'll call her "The Slutty One". For obvious reasons. And she's got a 6 or so inch gash on her leg, which they're stitching because "she was losing too much blood". And she asks if there'll be a scar. The answer is apparently "a small one". When I was a kid, I was maliciously attacked by a gardening trowel, which caused a one inch gash on my hand. I got 2 stiches, and still have a pretty decent sized scar. Although, I guess they're lying to her to get her to shut up and stop screaming. It hasn't worked perfectly, but at least she's subsided to a whimper, rather than full on screaming.

ALso, apparently, according to loose women, all it takes to start "looking like Frankenstein" is a 6 inch scar on your leg. Also, Ms. Slutty, by the way, it was Frankenstein's monster that was the ugly one, not Frankenstein. Frankenstein was the doctor who created the monster by sewing together dead people. Get it right.

And apparently "Goblin sharks" are the same species as the Great White. Sadly, she said they were "Lamniformes". Which is the Order. Not Species. LEARN YOUR DAMN BINOMIAL NOMENCLATURE, WOMAN! Carolus Linnaeus would be ashamed.

And Woman Who Just Got Engaged was the first to get et, from our collection of intrepid lifeguards... FYI... Although, as she was in the process of getting engaged earlier in the movie, "Well, one of you is fucked" was running through my mind... I hadn't decided whether it was gonna be the husband-to-be, or the lifeguard who was gonna eat it first. Now we know.

You seen Deep Blue Sea? Because some beardy, fat guy just got Samuel Jacksoned.

Apparently Chainsawing a shark is a valid strategy. Seemed to work. I'm kinda surprised.

Warehouse 13

New Warehouse 13 woman seems to talk without moving her mouth. Its kinda strange.

Also, I like Agent Lattimer. He's sufficiently irreverent and childish to make a good character.

The Grapes of Wrath

Henry Fonda, Jane Darwell, (1940) Poor sharecroppers the Joads leave dust bowl Oklahoma in hope of better luck in California. Based on the book by John Steinbeck.

Unlike "Of Mice and Men", this movie is only based on John Steinbeck's work once.

And apparently Ma Joad is prone to beating salesmen with live chickens. So, don't try to sell Henry Fonda anything, or he might set his mother after you.

Also, Grandpa Joad is the most fantastic character ever. Amazingly crotchety old man. Sadly he's now an old crotchety old dead man. I'm sad...

Not a bad movie. I guess they knew how to make movies back in the day.

I should probably read the book. Its one of Steinbeck's works that I haven't read yet.

Blood Diamond

Note to self: Do not abduct Djimon Hounsou's kid and make him a child soldier. He will fuck your shit up with a shovel.

Good movie about child soldiers and blood diamonds. Definitely not a happy, fun movie. But a good movie. Powerful movie.

Once again, Leonardo DiCaprio does a really good job playing his role.

Formula 1 Update

A few notes to tie you over until Formula One returns to the European Grand Prix in Valencia, Spain:

Useless French driver (and Swiss driver Sebastien Buemi's teammate at Scuderia Torro Rosso) Sebastien Bourdais got canned, and replaced by Jaime Algersuari, a 19-year old who'd never driven a Formula 1 car before. Thus ends STR's run of having only drivers named Sebastien or Sebastian in their line-up (Last year they had Bourdais, and blog-favorite Sebastian Vettel).

Useless Brazilian driver (and humongous cockbag Fernando Alonso's teammate at Renault) Nelson Piquet Jr. seems to also have been canned. No word on a replacement driver yet, as its still a few weeks until the next Grand Prix. Probably going to be Renault Reserve Driver Romain Grosjean, if I had to guess.

Almost World Champion Felipe Massa survived his freak accident during qualifying in Hungary, and seems to be on the mend. Not sure what, if any, permanent damage he sustained as a result of meeting a 1 pound spring at over 150mph, but he seems like he wants to get back to racing. Consensus is that he won't do it this season.

But the interesting result of Massa's accident and subsequent lack of ability to compete is his replacement. Ferrari has recently announced that former Ferrari driver Michael Schumacher will fill Massa's seat while he's gone. For those of you who don't know much about Schumacher, he's statistically the best driver in F1 history, including a record seven World Drivers Championships and 91 Grand Prix victories to his name. And for those of you who watch Top Gear, he was the one who recently drove the Ferrari FXX around the Top Gear test track, and was jokingly revealed as the Stig (mainly because he was the only one that Ferrari would allow to drive the FXX).

Schumacher retired after the 2006 season. I started watching F1 during the 2007 season. So, I've not actually had the opportunity to see Mr. Schumacher race yet. It'll be interesting to see how he does, especially since the F60 (Ferrari's car this year) seems to be underperforming, compared with the Brawn and Red Bull cars. However, with Kimi's 2nd place in Hungary, the F60 could finally be coming alive.

Schumacher's addition to the Ferrari garage may also give Kimi the incentive he needs to step up his game. It seems he only drives his best when he is properly motivated. This hasn't happened a lot due to the underperforming nature of the F60 thus far in the season. I'm guessing he'll be at the top of his game to avoid getting beat by someone who hasn't driven a F1 car competitively in about 3 and a half years.

Interesting times may lay ahead for F1...

The Mummy

Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz (1999) A young man opens a tomb unleashing a mummy seeking revenge for a curse laid upon him 3,000 years earlier.

Apparently Imhotep's priests were condemned to be mummified alive. Which seems to make no sense at all. Because you can't really be alive after having your brain pulled out through your nose, and all your internal organs removed.

Apparently Imhotep's enemies placed some curse on him that if his tomb was uncovered, he would become ridiculously powerful. Seems like kinda a terrible curse to me...

I think I'm gonna like Brendan Fraser's character. He had a rifle, 2 revolvers, and 2 1911s. Good for him...

Note to self: If you ever design a library, make sure that if you knock over one bookcase, it'll cascade and knock over all the shelves. And employ Erick Avari as the librarian.

THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBES. That's kinda fun to say.

"Have you been to Hamunaptra?"
"Yes"
"Do you swear?"
"Every damn day."

More later. Back to Dexter.

Spring Break Shark Attack (conclusion)

They're leading the enormous horde of sharks away from the beach with a boat dragging fish parts. There's a guy from "Florida Maritime University", a guy who runs the boat rental place in Florida, and some random girl. Guess who's driving the boat? That's right, its the random girl. Main character girl. Who had a really long name when I named her in the previous post, but I can't be bothered to figure out what it was.

And there's also a guy who looks strangely like John McEnroe. Only Australian. And not nearly as angry.

And the sharks may have spearguns. Because Boat Rental Guy just got shot with one.

And when sharks ram boats, they cause the entire ocean to rock. Or that could just be the cameraman violently tilting the camera to make the shock seem worse. No, I think its the former, rather than the latter.

There's this thoroughly fancy shark deterrent system that College boy thought up. Only it involves 6 different pieces working to be effective, and if one of them breaks, the whole system goes down. And the only way it can be fixed is underwater. Best shark deterrent system ever...

I guess I now know why they were letting her drive the boat. She can apparently do complex re-wiring with little to no instructions.

And I've just realized that Main Character Girl looks vaguely like Kirsten Dunst. Or whoever that Spiderman chick is.

Syfy Channel...

I've been browsing the Syfy Channel to look for more bad Sci-Fi to record. And have been coming up pretty empty.

What does that mean?

It means I'm pathetic and have no life. And have seen damn near ever movie that the Syfy Channel has to offer.

Dexter

Good show. About a serial killer who only kills bad people.

That's what distracted me from watching that shark movie.

The first 2 seasons turned up on our Instand Netflix thing... Quite good...

Spring Break Shark Attack

Shannon Lucio, Riley Smith (2005) Sharks terrorize college students on vacation in Florida.

This was a SciFi Saturday movie a while back. Or maybe Sci Fi Sunday or something... But for whatever reason I didn't record it or watch it...

And Person Who's Likely To Become The Main Character And Likely Gonna Be The Only Female Survivor Because She Doesn't Seem Slutty. Well, anyway, her father just compared guys in Florida at Spring Break to sharks. Foreshadowing! And so subtle, too...

And now there're roofies involved... Sharks (still lacking those), half-nekkid women, and roofies. That's pretty much the Bad Sci Fi trifecta right there...

And now for other stuff... We'll get back to this...

Eureka some more

I'm highly amused that Fargo's equivalent from the Area 51 Bowling Team is named Bismarck.

Of Mice And Men

Burgess Meredith, Lon Chaney Jr. (1939) Based on John Steinbeck's novel about the relationship between a migrant worker and his slow-witted friend. Based on the book by John Steinbeck.

Apparently this is really, really based on Steinbeck's work, as they felt the need to call it out twice in the description.

Another in the long line of "Books I once read, and am now watching the movie".

"The best laid schemes o' mice an' men / Gang aft agley." Thank you Robert Burns for writing such an unintelligible set of words...

Lon Chaney Jr. makes a very good and believable Lenny.

Good movie. Sad movie. But good.

The Triangle

Luke Perry, Dan Cortese (2001) A close group of friends vacationing in the Caribbean experiences terror upon encountering a boat thought to have sunk many years earlier.

This one has David Hewlett. Playing his regular Dr. McKay-type nerd-type character. With a kind of ridiculous hat. Who apparently has a bad heart. Which has now killed him, about an hour and a half after writing the last sentence.

And now we know what happened to Sheriff Carter's wife after she left Eureka... She moved to Bermuda, and became the first mate on a really crappy boat...

Also, this movie is pretty much the same as every other Bermuda Triangle movie. Ever. Except for that SciFi Miniseries called Triangle... Which was actually pretty decent.

The plot of this one is that a group of people end up in the Bermuda Triangle, and come across a ship that got lost a long time ago. They go aboard, and one of the friends gets possessed by one of the original passengers, goes ape-shit, and kills everyone. And then one of the male characters (not the bat-shit-crazy one), and one of the attractive female characters survive.

Sadly, its not David Hewlett who survives. Darn shame.

Must poop.

And now we're gonna see how accurate my prediction is. We're down to one female character, one of the lead characters, and Captain Token Black Guy, hilariously named Captain Morgan... But now he's been brained by a cricket bat, and then repeatedly shot... So, its down to evil guy, male lead character, and Abby Carter...

And now Male Lead has committed the ultimate movie mistake of "I've hit the bad guy with a cricket bat, so now he must clearly be dead". Which he clearly isn't...

And for going 0 miles per hour, this huge-ass boat can turn surprisingly quickly. I guess that's the ghost-ness of the ship...

And although they are close enough to the huge ocean liner to hit it with a flare gun, they are far enough away to avoid any sort of shrapnel from its explosion. Or really any effects of the explosion.