Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

Robert Downey Jr., Val Kilmer (2005) Hoping to land a movie role, a thief learns investigative techniques from a detective. Based in part on a novel by Brett Halliday.

As it stands, I'm not really sure why I decided to record this movie. Because the description sounds very lame. Probably because its got Iron Man in it, as well as Val Kilmer's role for Heat...

Val Kilmer: "A talking monkey. Came here from the future. Only says 'ficus'."

Val Kilmer: "Look up 'idiot' in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?
Iron Man: "A picture of me?"
Val Kilmer: "No, the definition of the word 'idiot', which you are."

This movie has Iron Man as the narrator. A very random, stream-of-conciousness narrator. So random, that I have little to no idea what's gong on. But its so random and has a collection of ridiculous lines that I'm gonna keep watching. And chronicling them for you.

Also, bonus Corbin Bernsen (also known as Shawn's dad from Psych)

"Don't quit your gay job." Should probably mention that Val Kilmer's character is named "Gay" Perry.

Iron Man pistol whips a guy who pistol whipped him earlier: "Doesn't that suck? I just hit you for no reason. I don't know why."

Val Kilmer: "You think that's funny, huh? I'm going to break your nose now." "I want you to picture a bullet inside your head. Can you do that for me?"
Pistol Whipped Guy: "That's ambiguous"
Val Kilmer: "Ambiguous? No, I don't think so."
Iron Man: "No, I think he means when you say 'picture it inside your head', OK, is that a bullet will be inside your head, or in your head, like form an image."

Apparently if you have 1 bullet in a revolver, Iron Man thinks its an 8% chance of shooting someone. Because he just did the whole "put one bullet in a revolver, spin it a bunch, and then intimidate someone by shooting it." Unfortunately, he shot the guy with the first shot. And everyone is hilariously incredulous that it happened.

Sadly, there are a bunch of hilarious and ridiculous lines in this movie, but I don't feel like pausing the movie every time one comes about so I can type it out.

Val Kilmer:"I shot him with a revolver that I keep near my balls." Apparently homophobes don't check your wang-ular region when they frisk you. FYI.

Also, Michelle Monaghan is pretty cute. FYI.

And they did a big reveal of what actually happened during the movie, but I didn't actually pay attention.

Val Kilmer on the topic of whether his father loved him when he was a kid: "Well, he used to beat me in Morse Code, so its possible..."

And he, the narrator, just mocked the fact that the last Lord of the Ring movie ended 17 times.

And we're about to record "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus"!

"And for all of you in the mid-West, I'm sorry we said **** so much."