Timber Falls

Josh Randall, Brianna Brown (2007) Mike and Sheryl find that their camp in the woods is perfect until she is kidnapped by a crazed family which plans to use her as breeding stock.

Sci-Fi Saturday movie from 12/13.

I think I've made my feelings on the horror genre pretty clear. Especially when it shows up on the Sci-Fi Channel. But, since this is a Sci Fi Saturday movie, I am honor bound to review it. Or at least watch it, and then conclude that it sucks, and tell you as such.

Apparently Timber Falls is the trail which the main characters are going to be hiking on. And getting attacked by cannibals.

And about 5-10 minutes in, her bra's already coming off... Only to be interrupted by shotgun-toting moonshiners.

And apparently Charleston smells like feet. And the main characters live in Alexandria.

And chick just got herself kidnapped, and dude got hisself bear trapped.

Apparently this family is not fond of unwed folks boning.

So far, this movie is standard country horror movie. Messed up family takes a couple of travelers hostage and torture them. There's the crazy mother, the father who's the sheriff, but is actually as bat-shit insane as the rest of them, the disfigured dude, and the couple of hick/redneck brothers.

And this is truly f-ed up. They're trying to have kids, but they always have miscarriages. So, naturally, they decided to put all their attempts at kids in jars and put them on display.

And now it seems that the redneck brothers are not actually related to the family, but seem to actually be independently antagonistic to the main characters.

And I just realized that the sheriff/father character is that annoyingly snobby guy from Seven Days. And then I pretty much stopped watching and/or caring.