Sands of Oblivion

Dan Castellaneta, Adam Baldwin (2007) The spirit of an avenging demigod emerges from its tomb to wreak havoc.

Havoc is good. Jayne is good. Homer Simpson is good. Lets see how they combine.

Apparently they had some pretty fantastic hats and ties in 1923.

Hmmm. Ancient Egyptian props, a jackal headed type guy. I guess we're talking Anubis here?

Oh, and this has Morena Baccarin in it as well. Looks like its a Firefly get-together. We can only hope Alan Tudyk or Nathan Fillion show up. (See Su, I told you it was Inara). Oh, and Richard Kind is in it too. But he's more of a Stargate guy, rather than a Firefly guy.

Homer Simpson has the most fantastic pants. Those cavalry pants with the side-wing things. I want some. Seems that Homer is Cecil B. DeMille, and he's filming the 10 Commandments.

Seems they all know about the Anubis guy, and are burying the set, to make sure that no one else is killed by him. I wonder if that is all of Dan Castellaneta's involvment in this movie, as its now present day, as opposed to 1923 or whatever. Hmmm... it seems the Cecil B. DeMille made too movies called the 10 Commandments, and the one that they were making is not the famous one with Charlton Heston, but instead some silent film.

And apparently in this movie, Jayne is married to Inara. But they're getting a divorce, so I guess it didn't work out, just as it definitely wouldn't have worked out on Serenity. And strangely enough, Jayne seems to be a professor of something or another. Quite a change from Jayne.

And somehow a very poorly sealed box buried in the desert sand is in perfect condition, and not filled with sand. And when a "demigod" or whatever tears off your arm, you don't bleed from your stump, but instead your mouth bleeds... The human body has a very strange circulatory system.

And hopefully I remember to upload my pictures, because I got a pretty fantastic shot of some guy's pretty fantastic hair. That guy has an even more amazing flat-top haircut than that doctor guy from when I took my mom to the hospital a while ago.

And apparently main character's job when he was in the Army in Iraq was moving old movie sets that had been buried under the sand for 80 years. Or so he seemed to say, if you didn't listen to the second half of his statement.

And apparently Jayne's name in this is Jesse. What is it with this man and names that can also be women's names? And they're in the deserts of California, and yet they're wearing jackets and stuff. Seems like it might have been filmed somewhere colder. Like, maybe, the Richmond Sand Dunes outside of Vancouver? Although there does seem to be more sand and more area than I thought there was. But I guess they can do anything with computers these days.

Seems one of the props for the movie (The Eye of Horus, I think) is somehow connected to the Anubis guy. Seems he's Im-La-Ra, or the Left Hand of Seth, who we all know is the god of chaos.

And apparently Freemasons are involved somehow. Apparently they built the pyramids, and they built the prison cell thing to contain all the evil arifacts.

And now Jayne's gone all nutso...

And what the heck is the point of sleeveless shirts that have a hood? They look really dumb.

And I need a friend like this Buford character. Insane with a shack of guns and explosives. For the Rapture, apparently. And although he seems to have been in the Army, he seems to be wearing Desert MARPAT Pants. For those of you keeping score at home, the MAR in MARPAT stands for Marine.

And speaking of dumbidity, Buford just busted out with waht appears to be a UTG M87 shotgun. Hi-cap mag, single-sided cocking arm, crappy red dot and all. Remember what I was saying about the fact that magazine fed shotguns are rare (in my review of Supergator or whatever)? I'm pretty sure that whenever they show up in these movies, they're in fact airsoft shotguns. In fact, I've got 3 sitting in a box in my room. Sadly, they're all broken. Cylinder/piston assembly's really weak. But what to you expect from a $20 shotgun.

And now there's a car chase. With random main character guy chasing after Jayne, who's kidnapped Inara, and the cops chasing anyone and everyone. And the cops are randomly shooting at anyone and everyone. For no apparently or conceivable reason. But whatever, its all OK. The guy in charge has the most amazing flat-top. Note to self: Post picture.

And thus apparently endeth Jayne's role in this movie. And they just referred to him as a walking meat bucket.

And now they're being attacked by 2 dimensional paintings. And, yes, that's just as dumb as it sounds. And Inara has been outwitted by a LAW rocket.

And this Army guy can't shoot. He was aiming at a box of White Phosphorus grenades at the creature's feet, but ended up sailing the rocket well over the creature's head. Luckily he seems to have caused enough damage to the grenades to set them off, and turn the creature to glass.

And it seems that Inara is ridiculously tiny. That is all.