Cyclops

Eric Roberts, Frida Farrell (2008) A corrupt emperor forces a soldier to fight a single-eyed giant in a gladiatorial arena.

Sci Fi Friday movie from 12/6

Well, they seem to have kept the fact that the cyclops keeps sheep from the myth. However, it seems to take place in ancient Rome, rather than Greece.

I wonder if the actors were quite this terrible in Homer's original.

Speaking of Homer, the song The Odyssey by Symphony X is downright awesome. 24 minutes long and pretty much tells the whole story. Fantastic song from a fantastic band. But that's neither here nor there.

Sometimes people fighting hand-to hand vs a CG monster is done well. Other times, really, really badly. This is one of those bad times...

And everyone seems to have some sort of british/english/scottish/whatever accent. Its kind of strange.

I'm probably less than halfway through, and I think I can safely say: Don't ever watch this movie. Its downright terrible. With a capital TERRIBLE.

And apparently Roman Centurions wear sweatpants. FYI. And I'm pretty sure they were called centurions because there were about 100 of them. Not 12. Their tactics might be a bit more useful, if they, say, used tactics. Or maybe had enough dudes.

And now there's been a slave uprising. Of 5 slaves.

Why isn't this movie over yet? It feels like I've been watching it for years. Seriously? I'm only half done? Good lord.

Oh, and they just crucified some guy for being in the slave revolt. I thought that the whole point of crucifixion was a public execution. They crucified the guy on some random-ass back road. Seems to defeat the purpose.

And the soldier guy was given the choice of decimation of his forces, or he could volunteer to be a gladiator as punishment. When they talked about the decimation, they had every other man step forward and kneel, and the remaining men were to execute the people kneeling. I'm pretty sure that decimation was the killing of one tenth of a force, not half. Hence the prefix "deci". Perhaps I'm putting too much thought into this travesty.

And though they are in Rome, it seems that the Coliseum has gotten a lot smaller. looks to be about maybe 5 rows of seating.

Oh, and in addition to shitty CG, the ADR in this movie is downright terrible. Same with that Supergator thing earlier.

Did I mention that the fight scenes with live action people vs the CG cyclops were terrible. Because they are downright horrible.

By the way, Shut up Jane Seymour.

Just stab yourself in the eye and save yourself the trouble of watching this filth.

OK, never mind. Its not just the dude fighting the cyclops that's terrible. Now we've got 2 dudes fighting each other. And its a terrible fight scene. Very poorly choreographed, and just generally all around sucks.

I don't know if this movie is that terrible, or if its just that I had a stupid day at work. Probably a little of column A, little of column B.

And it looks like Michael Shanks is in a Sci-Fi Saturday movie at some point in the future. I'm looking forward to it. That preview has been the highlight of the movie thus far. And I fast forwarded through half of it...

I'm pretty sure that you know how I feel about this movie. So I'm gonna hit "Publish Post" now, even before the movie ends. Because I'm pretty sure that no matter what kind of awesome ending this movie might have in store, it can't make up for the pure filth that was the rest of the movie.

OK, never mind, as I was writing that, the cyclops just got his eye speared out by the bad guy. So now the good guy's totally gonna get all stabby on his ass. Or maybe just decapitate him.

Either or.

So, basically, this was SciFi's answer to Gladiator. Similar plot, except for the whole cyclops thing. That and the sucking.