Friday, November 20, 2009

Lockjaw: Rise of the Kulev Serpent

DMX, Wes Brown (2008) A veteran soldier must kill a monstrous serpent that has a taste for human blood.

Seemingly could be subtitled: Douchebags Get Eaten By A Snake. And Dan Cheers It On.

Female douchebag takes her top of 28 minutes in. FYI. And then she's back in only her underwear at some later point. Didn't bother to figure out when, though...

And then for some reason, the snake disappeared. I really don't understand why. It got hit by a rocket, and then disappeared into sparkles. Not a pile of guts as you might expect, but sparkles...

Well, I'm glad that was only an hour and a half, with commercials... Although, they could have probably used that extra 30 minutes to actually make some sense. But, honestly, who cares....