McDonald's Commercial

Some superhero-type commercial. One of the breakfast sandwich/superhero catchphrases is "Did someone order... deliciousness?" It amused me... for some reason I haven't quite figured out yet...

I Am a Pooping Champion!

Apparently I have once again found the perfect blend of work pooping and home pooping. I finished my climbing magazine this morning. Today, a new climbing magazine showed up in the mail.

I am awesome.

Tetherball is Weird

Yup. What a wacky "sport".

Deadliest Warrior

This episode is Green Beret vs. Spetznaz. And also, its completely ridiculous...

They're comparing the statistics of the weapons used by the 2 different "warriors" by testing them. Only, they're using different tests for each, so you can't really get accurate comparisons. For example, when testing the grenades, they used different circumstances to test the Russian grenade, when compared to when they tested the American grenade. And then they just kind of make up a reason why one of them should be superior.

And the narrator is completely annoying...

Also, the Spetznaz are crazily flippy. It seems that they don't like to particularly shoot from a standing position, preferring to be all bendy and stuff...

And for some reason, they have a bunch of random crap in the tests for the guys to shoot to make things explode randomly.

And the high tech fancy computer simulation that they use to determine the winner seems to be... Excel. Yup, its a spreadsheet.

This show is completely ridiculous, dumb, and stupid. Don't ever watch this. Unless you're looking for comedy. Painful, painful comedy.

Lake Placid 2

John Schneider, Sam McMurray (2007) A sheriff, a big-game hunter and a wildlife officer try to kill three giant crocodiles.

Sci Fi Saturday movie from 5/23.

I'm going to start a new feature on my blog for movie reviews. Length of time it takes for a female character to end up nekkid or in her underwear. Since when I hit the stop button, the DVR tells me how much of the movie is remaining, I can have a decent idea of when it happens. For this one, it took 10 minutes for her to get into her underwear. Jumped into the water to fish up a decapitated head, and didn't want to get her Fish and Game Service uniform dirty or wet.

Also, remember how I ranted about the lack of a comma before the "and" in a list? Because this one has the same problem. Damned SciFi Channel and their improper use of the English language. or at least improper in my opinioin.

And again at 29 minutes in. Different character this time. And another one shortly thereafter

Also, in case you were wondering, bad CG is in fact bad...

And they just strapped a gigantic harpoon gun onto a rather small boat. Looks kinda hilarious.

And apparently people from Maine bury their dead in gigantic piles of brush. Or at least they seem to think that gigantic brush piles look like graves...

SPAS 12, not so much an automatic shotgun. Totally a pump.

And apparently only 1 in 3 people from Maine can correctly identify and egg as an egg.

Also, I'm never naming my child "Thad". Its a stupid sounding name, and they're likely to turn into a gigantic jerk anyways... And then get eaten by a gigantic crocodile. Which really serves this guy right... And not only is he getting et, but he's actually getting his junk chewed on by a gigantic crocodile. Talk about unpleasant ways to go...

Are you familiar with the term "Nantucket Sleigh Ride"? Because I'm pretty sure that's what's gonna happen with this whole boat/harpoon gun combo.

Also, I"m pretty sure that whoever made this movie, has no actual idea of how SONAR works...

And apparently when you tear the pontoons off of a seaplane in mid flight, it doesn't really affect the airplane's flight, aside from tearing the undercarriage off, and having the pilot fall out the bottom of the plane. Even though there isn't even a hole in the bottom of the CG airplane...

Also, there are 2 people with accents in this movie. Both of which randomly lose their accents when they're not speaking in a normal tone of voice...

Also, this movie seems to have done away with the tried and true "Crotchety Old Man" character, in favor of the Crotchety Old Woman...

By the way, I approve of any movie where blowing up giant crocodiles is a viable option...

And for those of you keeping track at home, there was no scene at the end where the crocs were revealed to be alive...

Joy Ride 2: Dead Ahead

Nicki Aycox, Laura Jordan (2008) Young travelers become the target of a psycho after they unknowingly take his car.

The makers of this movie don't seem to shy about getting their actresses into their underwear. Yup, its that sort of movie.

Oh, by the way, this was the SciFi Sunday movie from 5/17. I don't think that its as formal a thing as "SciFi Saturday", but Sundays at 9, they always seem to show movies that they advertise rather heavily. Sadly, we've been recording random stuff on the DVR on Sundays at that time, so I haven't been able to record many lately. But now that its after the end of the season for most shows, we don't have that problem no more.

And apparently I wasn't missing much...

Venom

Agnes Bruckner, Jonathan Jackson (2005) Resurrected as a killer, a gas station owner terrorizes a group of teenagers in the swamps of Louisiana.

Typical "guy gets resurrected by evil force, and terrorizes everyone" kind of horror film.

And in typical fashion, I don't much care for it or about it.

Stephanie McPhie?

Dear Stephanie?

Who are you?

I just noticed that you are following my blog. Yet I have no idea who you are. (Or do I?)

Um... yeah...

That's it...

Braddock: Missing In Action III

Chuck Norris, Aki Aleong (1988) A U.S. colonel returns to Vietnam and fights his way out with his wife, son and Amerasian orphans.

First of all, this seems like the exact plot of "24: Redemption", only with Vietnamese, rather than people from a fictional African country.

Also, it bothers me that the description didn't have a comma after the word "son". I think both are acceptable forms of punctuation, but I much prefer having a comma before the "and".

And apparently this movie dismisses any sort of continuity with any of the previous movies. This one has Colonel Braddock (Norris) leaving on a helicopter from the American Embassy during the fall of Saigon, which basically marked the end of the Vietnam War. However, in the previous movies, they established that Braddock was captured, and held as a prisoner past the end of the war.

Also, some guy tried to force his way on one of the helicopters. Chuck wasn't having none of that, so he threw him off (the helicopter was still on the ground). The guy wasn't too pleased, so he shot Braddock with a revolver. And then he got machine-gunned for his troubles. Seems a bit overkill. But, I guess that's all the guy had on hand, so it's not that out of hand. However, the length of the burst was a bit extreme.

"I don't step on toes, Little John. I step on necks."

Oh, good. Well played Captain Vietnamese Guy. You just shot Chuck Norris' wife. This seems like the sort of movie where there's a bit of torturing, followed by Norris breaking out, and then kicking everyone's ass. Multiple times.

And now there's some torture going on. And now Norris has broken out. And for some reason, the torture involved oiling up Chuck Norris, so his muscles look all shiny and awesome.

And now Chuck Norris has blown up damn near everyone. But the bad guys have a helicopter now! Which looks remarkably like a Huey with some extra body work added. Although, I suppose it is feasible that the Vietnamese got their hands on an old Huey, and didn't just subsist on Russian stuff...

And I just realized that this is now even more ridiculously similar to 24: Redemption... with the helicopter and all... If the priest gets shot buying time for Norris to escape with the kiddies, I'm gonna be quite impressed about how much they ripped off this movie

In other news, I had something I was going to type, but I completely forgot what it was, as I got ridiculously distracted.

Holy Crap! That's the ugliest helicopter in the history of time.

"He makes one wrong move, we'll crawl right up his ass" Uhh... guys? That sounds like a really dumb idea. Maybe not dumb, but rather unpleasant to say the least.

Also, the ugly helicopter has the wimpiest rockets ever. They come out of the rocket pod, and just kinda fall down immediately, just like they were cheap fireworks... Could it be?

Oh, and Priest Guy seems to have survived.

This was one of those movies where I randomly felt compelled to start fast forwarding, even though it wasn't commercials. I never actually did it, but I did feel the urge quite a few times. However, this was also one where I didn't feel the need to rewind when I overshot fast forwarding through commercials.

24

Apparently the producers of 24 don't have an accurate understanding of the geography of the Washington DC area.

Also, Dr. Beckett showed up in the finale of this season. As a doctor. Who died. Getting typecast, anyone?

Good on you Mrs. President. Don't make exceptions, just because she's your daughter.

Star Trek

Finally got around to seeing the new one.

That was a fun movie. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

As an unabashed Sci Fi nerd, I heartily approve of JJ Abrams' interpretation. The casting was very well done. Everyone was similar enough to their original to make you realize who they were meant to be, but sufficiently interesting to not be direct clones.

Regarding yesterday's comments about 28 Weeks Later, this movie's fight scenes were not shot as well. Far too jerky.

But otherwise a really good, fun movie...

I probably had some other things to say, but I forgot... Maybe I'll get back to it later, although that's rather unlikely.

Oh yeah, just one thing: I really like the design of the interior of the Enterprise. Rather than the clean white corridors from the original series and stuff, the interior seemed more... utilitarian, mabye? More like it was space that actually was supposed to be used and had a purpose, rather than just being a clean utopian future spaceship.

Prison Break Series Finale

So, apparently they decided that the best way to end the show was through the means of a completely random Deus Ex Machina. They brought some guy back from Season 2 or so, and had him bail everyone out.

And then Michael Scofield apparently died. And sadly, his tombstone had nothing about the giganticness of his head on it. I was sad.

And then I stopped caring. And won't ever have to start again.

28 Weeks Later

I really like what they've done with the camera work. In the non-frantic scenes, the shots are relatively stable, and long. However, in the scenes when the infected are attacking, the shots are very jerky. However, in contrast to the general bad sci-fi/horror movies that usually show on the SciFi Channel, the subjects/main characters are still in the center of the shot for most of it, so you actually have a good idea of what's supposed to be happening, and it still manages to visually convey the franticness of the situation.

Also, this movie has Robert Carlyle in it. He's one of the leads in the new Stargate series, Stargate Universe, which is coming out sometime this year. Apparently he's all famous and stuff, but yet I've still got little to no idea who he is, other than what he looks like. He was also in that 24: Redemption thing earlier.

Also, across the way, one of the apartments' porch lights is flickering. I can see it out of the corner of my eye as I'm watching this movie, and its rather annoying... Granted, I could go and shut the blinds if I really wanted to, but, as you all know already, I'm too damn lazy.

Also, the music in this movie series is always pretty good. Fits the mood rather well. Ratehr repeditive, but suits the frantic, intense mood...

Also, they keep using night vision and sniper scopes and stuff to see stuff. Thie issue with that is that they've got the crosshairs right on whoever they're looking at. And you gotta figure that they probably don't have the safety on, due to the rather high possibilitiy of meeting the infected.

Be interesting to see if they do another sequel. Wikipedia says "28 Months Later" might eventually come to pass, but who knows... I wonder what they'd do with the plot, considering the final scene of this movie has the Rage Virus going worldwide... Or at least to France...

Hell's Kitchen Finale

Want to see a tall goofy white guy dance around like a loon, and look generally ridiculous? Watch the last 5 minutes of this episode.

Penguins/Caps Game 7

Well, for the part I watched, the Caps got their assess handed to them.

However, my streak stays alive, since I didn't watch the end of the game. The Caps fate seems to be tied to the fickleness of my DVR.

Missing In Action 2: The Beginning

Chuck Norris, Soon-Teck Oh (1985) An imprisoned U.S. colonel fights a military overlord of a slave-labor opium operation in Vietnam.

Chuck Norris has a flamethrower now. You guys is screwed.

Also, this movie is a lot less shooty than I imagined it was gonna be. A lot more of Chuck Norris withstanding torture and stuff, and only the shooty bits at the end.

And after a long hiatus, here's the return of pictures! With extra flying Chuck Norris!

And if this movie has taught us anything, its that the most effective method of shooting is hip-shooting. None of this aiming business.

The fight scenes seem a lot less refined than current movies. Probably because this is from 1985. They don't really portray what's going on very well (when someone gets hit, it doesn't seem as brutal).

Missing In Action

Chuck Norris, M. Emmet Walsh (1984) A U.S. colonel escapes from the Viet Cong, then comes back with a floating arsenal to get others out.

Chuck Norris, Floating Arsenal... With that combination in the description, how can you go wrong?

The intro scenes to this movie remind me how ugly/awesome the M60 is. I rather like the M60E1 (the long Vietnam Era one). I think the M60E4 or MK43 is the perfect looking one, with its short barrel. But I think the E1 is hilariously long, and thus pulls off the "Its so ugly, its pretty" look. Although, my liking for the MK43 may be linked to the fact that I've got one in airsoft form. And I want an E1. But probably will never get one. Because they're expensive. And ridiculously heavy, and probably front-heavy.

And there was just some sort of haggling scene between Chuck and his friend. Every time Chuck hit someone, the price dropped... Note to self: Don't get in haggle-off with Norris.

The second haggling attempt involved Chuck just staring at the other guy, and pointing an empty machine gun at a guy...

And apparently a big part of Chuck Norris' life is having people pop out of cupboards and try to stab you. And his natural reaction is to knee them in the business, and throw them out the window. Chuck Norris must lead one of the most exciting lives ever. If his real life is nothing like his movie life, I'll be sorely disappointed.

And I'm highly impressed by Mr. Norris' friend. Here Chuck is, wearing all green, and being all stealthy-like, and his buddy's sitting in the raft about 20 feet away, and he seems to have graduated from the Team Fluffy Bunny? School of Camouflage, with his bright blue Hawaiian shirt.

I've just come to a realization. This movie is exactly like Rambo. I.e. the one that just came out a few years ago. So, it looks like Norris beat Sly Stallone by a few decades in making this movie... And he's doing it all by himself... Rambo had that team of yokels with him... Plus Norris has an awesomer beard. In that he has one...

And Stallone never jumped over things in a boat. Like a truck. Although they do share a similar signature weapon. I guess it is one of the most bad-ass looking weapons of the Vietnam era, so that's understandable.

And somehow, although they riddled it full of holes earlier, the Jeep is currently still in a drivable condition. And Chuck's driving... Personally, I'd want him manning the 60... Any old yokel can drive, but it takes a special someone to mow down hundreds of dudes with a machine gun and a single belt of ammo... Personally, I'd be worried about running out of ammo...

Speak of the devil! Mr. Norris just ran out of ammo, and ditched the 60. That never happens.

Chuck Norris is my new hero. It seems his definition of accessorizing is bolting an M60 onto something. Or more accurately, anything and everything.

And it seems that Captain Awesome Shirt just kicked the bucket.. It seems that the rescue chopper had rockets, but waited until after he died to blow up the attack boat. Jerk. I think its hockey time...

Hurry up! I'm missing "interesting hockey"...

Fringe Season Finale

Good use of the Twin Towers to tell us we're in a parallel universe, without actually going out and saying it.

Supercross: The Movie

Steve Howey, Mike Vogel (2005) Sibling rivalry threatens to tear apart two brothers after one wins a slot on a motocross team.

Probably the most interesting thing in this movie is the fact that Robert Patrick has a beard. And he uses the word "gnarliest".

And the random close-ups of people in motorcycle helmets and goggles, with blurry backgrounds, meant to make us think that they're currently riding... But it looks awfully fake...

Penguins/Caps Game

So, thus far, the Capitals have won every game that I've watched, and lost everyone that I haven't. Let see if the trend continues.

They just had a montage of Alex Ovechkin hitting people. First he hit "Hill". And then "some guy". I thought it was kinda hilarious that they were so specific to start, and then so not-specific immediately following it.

Also, on Versus right now, there's UFC or MMA or whatever. Luckily, we've got Comcast Sports Net or whatever for hockey... Anyways, this is a featherweight fight or something, so it basically looks like a pair of scrawny guys hugging, while occasionally kneeing each other in the business.

But, back to hockey. Apparently its now 5 on 3 in favor of the Penguins. And now its 4 on 3 or something... Apparently there were 3 people in the penalty box for about 4 seconds or so... I wonder if it gets crowded in there. Or if they have different penalty boxes for each team.

In other news, I am continually impressed by how often people get off the ice, and back on again for their next stint... Seems like they're spending half of their time, at least, either headed to the bench, or coming back from it. A whole fat lot of nothing from a couple of power plays.

Also, the arena looks more exciting in Washington, than in Pittsburgh. Probably something to do with the red shirts, rather than the white shirts...

And I think its really hilarious how the instant the puck gets to Ovechkin, the crowd starts booing, and then as soon as he gets rid of the puck, it stops.

And apparently Satan is pronounced Shitan if you're Slovakian.

Oh no! Apparently Gonchar is broken! Not Gonchar.

Apparently I'm a terrible hockey watcher. I had to watch the Caps first goal 4 times before I finally saw it happen. Probably too ADD, and too busy watching all the people skate around. Also, they might want to invest in a larger puck, so I can tell where the puck is at all times... Perhaps a beachball.

And I just had something witty or clever to say, but I forgot it by the time I got around to typing it. Actually, it really wasn't witty or clever, it was just me realizing the fact that a goal will cancel a delayed penalty, and not just one that's currently being served. Makes sense, but I wasn't sure if it was true or not.

And that seemed to be a rather spectacularly bad throw by that Caps guy. After the guy he was aiming at fumbled it, it landed perfectly, giving one of the Penguins a perfect scoring shot.

And now after a flurry of scoring, the Caps are apparently up 4-3. But I wouldn't know first hand, because the DVR has decided that I can no longer watch live TV due to current recordings... So, now back to Top Gun.

And now that Top Gun's over, I've checked the DVR, and it seems that I'm recording a movie that I don't particularly want to see, so I'm back to the Caps game after cancelling that recording.

And there was too much mustard for Kuniz. Or something. But Ovechkin didn't get enough starch on that...

And now I think that the Caps should pay me to watch their games. Because the trend continues. I'm assuming that Su doesn't want me to watch Game 7...

Top Gun

Tom Cruise, Kelly McGillis (1986) A hot-shot Navy jet pilot tangles with MiGs and flirts with a civilian astrophysicist.

Did I really need to type the intro for this movie? Hasn't everyone already seen this one?

Actually, prior to right now, I haven't.

Thus far, this movie is gloriously 1980's style cheesy.

And in other news, the F14 is an attractive aircraft. Looks a lot better than the F/A-18 that replaced it. Rather a shame, really.

And it seems that Mr. Cruise likes to ride his motorcycle without a helmet. But on the plus-side, it seems that Woman Lady, for lack of remembering her actual character's name, or the actress' name, drives a Porsche 356. Those cars are kinda hilarious. Very dome-like.

Going back to the looks of the F14, it looks so much bigger than the F5s or the A4s that they're flying against.

And now I finally understand where the "Too close for missiles, I'm switching to guns" quote comes from.

Sadly, the power of the mustache was unable to save Goose from dying after he ran into the F14's canopy after ejecting. Tis a shame.

And I wonder if fighter pilots actually wear aviator sunglasses. Because, I'm pretty sure that this movie alone kept the aviator sunglasses industry alive for quite some time...

In other news, I like Val Kilmer. He's a good actor, and usually has some pretty fantastic hair.

Have I mentioned how much I like F14s yet? Because they's awesome.

And where exactly are these MiG 28s keeping their Exocet anti-ship missiles. Because it seems that all they've got are their Sidewinders on the wingtips. They've got nothing on the other hardpoints. In fact, they've got no other hardpoints. And I'm pretty sure that the F5 doesn't have any internal room to carry them inside the fuselage. Oops, I totally meant MiG 28. Because those aren't just F5s painted black. No, not at all. And MiG 28s totally exist... Yeah... Sorry, getting a bit too anal about this...

Although they now seem to have realized they shouldn't be using their missiles for taking out the fighters, and are instead only using their guns.

Also, on the topic of airplanes, the F-8 looks hilarious. Instead of having the air intake further back, like on the F16, the air intake is only just behind the nose. You should totally look it up. Its hilarious... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/F-8_Crusader

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

So, after the rousing stupidity that was Star Trek V, I've decided to continue my Star Trek watching with the one I haven't watched on DVD yet. I've seen this one before (unlike V as of a few hours ago), but just haven't watched this particular DVD.

This one is always sort of memorable to me because I regularly saw bits and pieces of this movie before I finally saw the whole thing. It was always showing on the TVs at Myer Emco way back in the day when my dad was buying a new receiver and CD player for the home stereo. That and Terminator 2. So, I ended up seeing a good portion of it, while my dad shopped for that stuff. Naturally, since I was 10 years old or whatever, I wasn't particularly interested with the purchasing new electronic devices, so I ended up just watching whatever was on TV. Actually, I think they were showing Star Trek V one time, but that time I was only there for a short time.

Oh, and by the way, the Excelsior class starship is kind of hilariously elongated.

Probably my most favoritest part of the movie that I'd completely forgotten about is in the last scene. Captain Kirk tackles the Federation President to save him from getting sniperized by the man who will be Odo. In mid-dive, he informs the President that he is Captain James Kirk of the Enterprise. Seems kind of a ridiculous time to be dropping your name.

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

A movie that I've owned for quite some time, but have never actually ever got around to watching. It also happens to be the only Star Trek movie (aside from the one that just came out) that I haven't seen yet.

Well, actually, I haven't seen the beginning of Generations, but I've seen almost all of it.

Mr. Shatner, I must say that your climbing pants are quite fantastic. For those of you that haven't seen this movie, the scene I'm referring to is when Captain Kirk, or his stunt double likeness climbs El Capitan. And his pants are black, and have bright yellow stripes on them. They're kinda fantastic.

And apparently, Captain Klaa of the Klingons is living proof that the Klingons had a period in their history know as "the 80s". Or at least his hair is proof.

I'm now know why this is the one Star Trek movie that I hadn't seen. This and Star Trek: Nemesis are both pretty well crap.

The movie in a nutshell: A lot of build up, and then you finally meet "God", and he wants a spaceship. Then Kirk asks him why, and gets eye-lasered. And then the Enterprise and a Klingon Bird of Prey blow up "God". The end.

I'm gonna have to watch The Undiscovered Country, and watch some good Star Trek.

I probably should pick up the newer Star Trek movies, too. Also, its a shame that the Star Trek series DVDs are so damn expensive. I wouldn't mind DS9. And the other ones too. I think I liked DS9 the most, though.

So, now on to The Undiscovered Country.

The Descent

Shauna Macdonald, Natalie Mendoza (2005) Women on a caving expedition encounter ravenous underground predators that would love to sink their teeth into fresh meat.

SciFi Saturday movie from 5/9.

I was originally thinking that one of my college roommates saw some stuff on ebay that was climbing gear used in this movie. However, on further review, I think it was actually from the movie "The Cave", which seems to have a very similar plot and setting. Only this one involves British women, and the other one seems to involve all sorts of people.

So, sadly, I have nothing actually interesting to report...

You know what's a rather bad thing about movies that take place in caves? The fact that caves are generally rather poorly lit places. Which makes it rather hard for the director to accurately and clearly portray what's going on.

And for some reason, even though they're all in tank-tops, they have ice axes. Seems like those 2 things are rather incongruous.

This is a typical horror movie in a cave. Girls go into cave. Girls get attacked by monsters. Girls fight back, but are largely unsuccessful. One survives.

One major difference from your general bad SciFi movie, though. A distinct lack of boobies. I guess, since there are no male characters, the director/writer/whoever decided that there was no just cause for the female characters to get nekkid.

2009 Spanish Grand Prix

Another pretty dominant performance by Brawn. 1-2 for Brawn, and then 3-4 for Red Bull, with Webber leading Vettel. Four wins out of five races for Jenson Button.

Very interesting results, as it seems that Ferrari didn't give Massa enough gas to finish the race at full speed so he had to slow down, which cost him 2 places. Seems like the sort of mistake an established team such as Scuderia Ferrari Marlboro shouldn't be making.

Also, quite the ridiculous accident at the beginning of the race. Took out both Scuderia Toro Rosso cars, including the Swiss, Sebastien Buemi. Looked pretty brutal as teammate Sebastian Bourdais ended up going up and over Beumi's car from the back.

And for the others we've been following this season: Raikonnen retired from the race with some sort of gearbox or throttle issue, and Kubica ended up somewhere around 10th or 11th.

Also, it seems that the proposed rules for 2010 no longer include the thing about making the World Champion the guy who wins the most races, rather than the one who accrues th most points. That makes me happy, because it seems that going by points make for a much more interesting end of the season. Especially if Brawn keeps kicking ass...

And it looks like of the top 3, Mr. Barichello enjoys his jooos the most. No one else seems to be touching it. I miss Kimi and his general all-around angriness and jooos drinking.

Beneath Still Waters

Patrick Gordon, Raquel Merono (2005) After decades of silence, malevolent spirits resurface to terrorize townspeople. Based on a novel by Matthew Costello.

Well, I know of one book that I certainly won't be reading.

Something about evil spirits, and black ooze.

And I was actually paying attention to this one... so, no real excuses, other than its rather a crap movie.

One of those movie that relies on scantily clad women to keep the reader interested. The main character was more attractive in her one piece bathing suit than her friend was in the string bikini. I guess, after all, that's why she's the main character...

And since it was supposedly set in Spain, everyone had ridiculous accents. Which, for the most part, didn't sound Spanish. Or consistent, for that matter.

I Hate DC

Never driving in that f'ing city again...

Still Too Early

Why am I awake?

Too Damn Early

Do you have any idea what time it is?

Dog The Bounty Hunter

I just turned on the show, and in less than 5 minutes, Mr. Dog was comparing himself to god.

Great...

Apparently, the apparel of choice for bounty hunting is a black Tank top.

And I apparently shouldn't try it at home... Wouldn't that imply that you have to have criminals or fugitives or whatever at your home?

And now they're playing with Pepperball guns. Which are just regular paintball guns where the projectile is filled with Mace, as opposed to paint. And they're all scared of it.

A guy just volunteered to get shot. While he was wearing a shit-ton of armor. And complained about how much it hurt. I've just lost all respect for this show... Have they ever played paintball? Seriously?

They do have some fantastic hair though...

Hats (From Hockey Game)

Green hat on right. Fancy hat on left.

Plus, bonus picture of fancy hat.

Food!

Dear food:

You are tasty.

Sincerely,

The Management

Hockey

This Varmalov guy seems to be pretty impressive. The Capital's goalie, who apparently has played about 10 games in his life in the NHL... I'm impressed.

Plus, I just realized that you can't fast forward live TV. Its kind of a shame. Or perhaps a more accurate way of stating this was that I just realized that I'm not watching this off the DVR...

I'm continuously impressed by the sort of crap these guys can do on ice skates. Because I'm pretty sure that I may have mastered going straight. Or more accurately I may have mastered standing up. The last time I was on an ice rink. Which was probably well over 10 years ago. Basically, I'm pretty sure that I'd fall on my ass with reckless abandon should I try to get back onto ice skates today...

Which now brings up one question: What the hell is icing? By which I mean the penalty kind, not the tasty kind. Which reminds me, that I have cake in the fridge. Sweet! Cake! Be right back. With cake.

And Mr. Ovechkin seems to have fallen on his ass for no apparent reason. But it was a pretty spectacular fall.

I'm guessing that my reader(s) think(s) that I should be rooting against the Capitals here, since I'm assuming that the Penguins come from Pittsburgh.

I'm watching this game on a channel is apparently called "Vs." And their ad thing has a guy shooting a rifle... Uh... Vs? With guns? Waat?

Also: Cake = Awesome.

In other news, you know what would be awesome? Zamboni Jousting. I'll just let you picture that for a while. I know I will be, because its the break between the 2nd and 3rd periods, and I can't fast forward...

Also, have you noticed how just about all hockey players have awesome names? Perhaps after Delroy Lindo, Donald Daniel Dunn, Ptolemy Slocum, and whatever name I came up with a while back but completely forgot about, I'll start naming my kids after some sort of conglomeration of hockey player names... hmm...

Also, how do the people behind the benches refrain from making faces when they're on camera? Because there was a guy just calmly sitting there while some reporter woman was interviewing the Penguin's coach. I don't know if I could have refrained from making stupid faces. But then again, if you've ever seen a picture of me, you'll probably notice that I have a hard time not making stupid faces at all times...

And its probably about 5 minutes into the 3rd period, and I only now just realized that they swapped sides...

I like Mr. Gonchar's name. Or however you spell it... Its fun to say. Sadly, I have no idea which team he's on... But whatever. I'm rooting for him. Just like DePuniet. Or however you spell that guy's name.

Which reminds me. The MotoGP season's started again. Perhaps I should revive the "Randy Report" and keep the world updated on Randy DePuniet's progress... Or maybe not... We'll see...

And apparently Letang just got whanged in the groinular region. Maybe not, but he got whanged good... I suppose, if I'd left off the "h" in that word, I wouldn't have had to specify the location...

And I think we may have just discovered that the commercials on this channel are the same here and in Hawaii...

And this game went form being very close to not so much in the matter of a few minutes...

And Ovechkin just hat-trickified. And people threw hats. But one guy threw a fedora-like hat... What kind of idiot do you have to be to throw that cool of a hat? Baseball caps I can understand, but a fedora-like one?

In the grand scheme of things, Ovechkin does have a more impressive playoff beard than Crosby. So, I guess that's why Ovechkin's winning this battle.

It would appear that Gonchar plays for Pittsburgh.

But apparently Crosby has a hat-trick now as well... Hmmm... perhaps the beard does not decide all...

Caps 4; Penguins 3. FYI.

I Burned My Mouf

Stupid combination of hunger and really hot pizza sauce...

Bottom Feeder

Tom Sizemore, Wendy Anderson (2006) A mutated monster terrorizes a group of maintenance workers in underground tunnels.

SciFi Saturday Movie from 5/2.

Basic "creature feature". Large, latex-rubber creature eats a bunch of people you don't really care about. Star survives.

Probably gonna have some sort of love sub-plot. And monster probably survives, and shows up in the very last shot, after being thought deceased. (These last 2 are predictions, based on my previous experience. We'll see how it turns out.)

Actually, turns out that Tom Sizemore survived, but the creature didn't. And then Tom got the chemicals to turn him into said creature... So, in effect I was pretty much right... but not completely

Prison Break

"This will all be over by the end of the day"

Now if only that were true for this show...

New Mazda3

The front of the new iteration of the Mazda3 looks like a rather happy face.

Prison Break

Bad show.

Chuck

"I'm living in a Lamborghini. You can't imagine how little legroom there is."

Good show.

Intermedio

Edward Furlong, Steve Railsback (2005) Four unlucky friends encounter deadly creatures in tunnels on the Mexican border.

So, apparently Edward Furlong still exists. You may remember him, or at the very least his hair, from his role as John Connor in Terminator 2: Judgment Day.

So, if you were female (and presumably, if you're my sole reader, you are), would you decide to wear a thong if you were going on an adventure in "tunnels on the Mexican border" to buy a shit-ton of weed? Because Mrs Shrinky-shirt seems to have decided to go that route... Her shirt started off meeting her pants at the waist. But as the movie progresses, the bottom of her shirt keeps rising. If we keep this up, we'll probably achieve underboob status...

And yup. There it is. Underboob.

I should probably mention that his movie was made by "The Asylum". You know how much we love their work.

And in the epilogue, Shrinky-shirt seems to be rocking the thong again to bury her now ex-boyfriend. Ex because he's dead. Obviously. We couldn't have Ed Furlong not getting the girl...

And we may have seen some actual boobs, but it seems that the SciFi channel didn't want us having none of that. So, this movie gave us underboob, and blurred boob. So, I guess its a win.

Aside from all the crappiness...

Moral of this story: Crap throughout, but naked lady bits at the end...