Shoot Em Up

Too lazy to come up with my own comments for this one, so I'll just snag them from my "brother":

"Things I have learned from the movie Shoot 'Em Up:

-Clive Owen loves carrots.
-Paul Giamatti hates asses.
-Poop is the natural enemy of a firearm.
-Clive Owen exudes Crisco from his pores.
-Guns are better than wives because they accept silencers.
-Men should not wear diapers. Ever.
-Clive Owen won't steal your baby.
-Apparently the phrase "Mammary on tap" actually exists.
-Use your turn signals. And don't litter. Or Clive Owen will put you in the wall.
-Paul Giamatti needs a lot more men.
-They apparently make bulletproof vests in "baby" size.
-Babies don't like gun control.
-Clive Owen uses John Woo as an interior designer.
-Shotgun > Uzi
-Clive Owen likes dogs.
-Dogs love poop.
-Diapers are a key plot element in this film.
-Never give Monica Belluci your penis ring.
-Carrots have been used twice as weapons in this film.
-43 minutes in is where they attempt to infuse emotion into the film. There are no guns.
-This is the first combination gun fight/sex scene I have seen in a film. Kudos director.
-Clive Owen spanks strangers. And punches police officers.
-Coffee slurping gets you pistol whipped.
-Battle Tanks make great nurseries.
-Resist all temptation to shoot carrots. It's a classic Clive Owen trap.
-Do not underestimate the power of string. Attached to guns. Attached to Clive Owen.
-Seatbelts prevent Clive Owen from shooting you. But only if they're on Clive Owen.
-Apparently, if you have a chrome revolver, you must polish it incessantly.
-Guns will be raining from the sky over some part of the continental United States. As well as dead dudes.
-Helicopter > Parachutist.
-Spiderman doesn't have anything on Clive Owen.
-Clive Owen defies physics.
-Dogs like Clive Owen.
-This film could have done without the political overtones, but still quite excellent.
-It's got to suck to be a mook in a credits sequence. Clive Owen pops out of everywhere to shoot you."

I will say though, this movie is exactly what Max Payne should have been. And if there's such a thing as "truth in advertising" in the movie business, this film would likely be a leading candidate.