Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Remember What I Said About Cross-Country Skiing
You know what's mesmerizingly boring? The beginning of a 1500 meter short track speed skating event. Apparently they go really slow for the first couple of laps, and its just sort of mezmerizing.
Highlander: The Source
Adrian Paul, Peter Wingfield (2007) Duncan MacLeod and a group of companions embark on a quest to discover the origin of their immortality.
Was Peter Wingfield the guy who played Tanith on SG1? I can't really remember, but the name sounds familiar. I'll keep you updated.
It seems that the guy from the original Highlander movie was named Connor and not Duncan. So, I guess we won't have BackFlippy McGoo to deal with in this movie. Kind of a shame, because his accent was rather hilarious, and the fact that he backflipped everywhere in that one movie was also awesome. In the first fight scene, the Duncan character has executed exactly zero backflips. I'm disappointed.
And it looks like he is in fact Tanith (not Duncan, though). Some other guy. But he's got some rather dumb glasses. But also a sword. I'll keep you up to date on his badass factor. Seems the glasses are all some sort of communication device. Either that or all these characters have similarly crappy senses of style.
The badguy does appear to appreciate the awesomeness of the backflip. So I'll be rooting for him now, until someone else proves himself worthy. And he seems to have a pretty awesome accent as well...
This is apparently the 5th movie in the series. I've only seen the first. So, we'll see if this has any effect on me watching this move.
Apparently stabbing the elevator call buttons stops the entire elevator system.
There's far too much random music and not stabbing for what I was expecting. I demand more stabbing and fighting. And there's random music as well. Sounds like it could be some relatively popular bands, but I really have no idea. And I really can't stand the editing of this film. Far too many jump cuts during the action sequences to give you a good idea what's actually going on.
But on the plus side, I've finally got around to fixing my Mac 11. But that's neither here nor there.
And the final fight scene, where both Duncan and the bad guy have turbo speed, is even more unwatchable due to terrible editing.
And apparently Duncal MacLeod is the one. Hopefully that means the end of this drivel. I enjoyed the first one. But this one seems to be less of the random ass-kickery of the first one, and focuses more on a bunch of random stuff that I don't care about.
Was Peter Wingfield the guy who played Tanith on SG1? I can't really remember, but the name sounds familiar. I'll keep you updated.
It seems that the guy from the original Highlander movie was named Connor and not Duncan. So, I guess we won't have BackFlippy McGoo to deal with in this movie. Kind of a shame, because his accent was rather hilarious, and the fact that he backflipped everywhere in that one movie was also awesome. In the first fight scene, the Duncan character has executed exactly zero backflips. I'm disappointed.
And it looks like he is in fact Tanith (not Duncan, though). Some other guy. But he's got some rather dumb glasses. But also a sword. I'll keep you up to date on his badass factor. Seems the glasses are all some sort of communication device. Either that or all these characters have similarly crappy senses of style.
The badguy does appear to appreciate the awesomeness of the backflip. So I'll be rooting for him now, until someone else proves himself worthy. And he seems to have a pretty awesome accent as well...
This is apparently the 5th movie in the series. I've only seen the first. So, we'll see if this has any effect on me watching this move.
Apparently stabbing the elevator call buttons stops the entire elevator system.
There's far too much random music and not stabbing for what I was expecting. I demand more stabbing and fighting. And there's random music as well. Sounds like it could be some relatively popular bands, but I really have no idea. And I really can't stand the editing of this film. Far too many jump cuts during the action sequences to give you a good idea what's actually going on.
But on the plus side, I've finally got around to fixing my Mac 11. But that's neither here nor there.
And the final fight scene, where both Duncan and the bad guy have turbo speed, is even more unwatchable due to terrible editing.
And apparently Duncal MacLeod is the one. Hopefully that means the end of this drivel. I enjoyed the first one. But this one seems to be less of the random ass-kickery of the first one, and focuses more on a bunch of random stuff that I don't care about.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Flying Saucers
Why are flying saucers always portrayed as bi-convex shapes? Saucers are convex on one side and concave on the other. There has got to be some sort of nameological word for a bi-convex round shape.
And there's got to be a better word than nameological. Perhaps some derivative of taxonomy. Yeah, I think I'll stick with taxonomical. I have no idea if that's even a word. Firefox seems to think it isn't.
(I'm watching something about the Bermuda Triangle right now)
And apparently "Cay" is pronounced "key". I didn't know that.
And another thing I'm discovering from this is that World War II era planes are attractive.
And there's got to be a better word than nameological. Perhaps some derivative of taxonomy. Yeah, I think I'll stick with taxonomical. I have no idea if that's even a word. Firefox seems to think it isn't.
(I'm watching something about the Bermuda Triangle right now)
And apparently "Cay" is pronounced "key". I didn't know that.
And another thing I'm discovering from this is that World War II era planes are attractive.
Awesome Winter Sports
Reading Su's comment about biathalon reminded me about some ideas that were bandied about the apartment when we first figured out that we had what has become known as the "bobsled channel".
These ideas concerned combinations of winter sports, like:
Biathalon/Ski Jump
Luge or Bobsled figure skating
Bobsled Ski Jumping
I'm thinking of starting my own set of winter games. Working title is "Awesome Olympics". Basically teams show up with basic winter sports skills, but no idea of the specifics of the event. Once everyone's there, the events are revealed, and the teams are forced to do their best.
These ideas concerned combinations of winter sports, like:
Biathalon/Ski Jump
Luge or Bobsled figure skating
Bobsled Ski Jumping
I'm thinking of starting my own set of winter games. Working title is "Awesome Olympics". Basically teams show up with basic winter sports skills, but no idea of the specifics of the event. Once everyone's there, the events are revealed, and the teams are forced to do their best.
Ozzy and Subtitles
I'm highly amused by the World of Warcraft commercial with Ozzy Osbourne. They decide to subtitle what he's saying, even though he's perfectly understandable.
Perhaps I've just been exposed to enough of him that I'm able to understand? Either that or we have some sort of Heavy Metal Brotherhood or some such jibba jabba.
PS. I need to pee.
Perhaps I've just been exposed to enough of him that I'm able to understand? Either that or we have some sort of Heavy Metal Brotherhood or some such jibba jabba.
PS. I need to pee.
Sands of Oblivion
Dan Castellaneta, Adam Baldwin (2007) The spirit of an avenging demigod emerges from its tomb to wreak havoc.Havoc is good. Jayne is good. Homer Simpson is good. Lets see how they combine.
Apparently they had some pretty fantastic hats and ties in 1923.
Hmmm. Ancient Egyptian props, a jackal headed type guy. I guess we're talking Anubis here?
Oh, and this has Morena Baccarin in it as well. Looks like its a Firefly get-together. We can only hope Alan Tudyk or Nathan Fillion show up. (See Su, I told you it was Inara). Oh, and Richard Kind is in it too. But he's more of a Stargate guy, rather than a Firefly guy.
Homer Simpson has the most fantastic pants. Those cavalry pants with the side-wing things. I want some. Seems that Homer is Cecil B. DeMille, and he's filming the 10 Commandments.
Seems they all know about the Anubis guy, and are burying the set, to make sure that no one else is killed by him. I wonder if that is all of Dan Castellaneta's involvment in this movie, as its now present day, as opposed to 1923 or whatever. Hmmm... it seems the Cecil B. DeMille made too movies called the 10 Commandments, and the one that they were making is not the famous one with Charlton Heston, but instead some silent film.
And apparently in this movie, Jayne is married to Inara. But they're getting a divorce, so I guess it didn't work out, just as it definitely wouldn't have worked out on Serenity. And strangely enough, Jayne seems to be a professor of something or another. Quite a change from Jayne.
And somehow a very poorly sealed box buried in the desert sand is in perfect condition, and not filled with sand. And when a "demigod" or whatever tears off your arm, you don't bleed from your stump, but instead your mouth bleeds... The human body has a very strange circulatory system.
And hopefully I remember to upload my pictures, because I got a pretty fantastic shot of some guy's pretty fantastic hair. That guy has an even more amazing flat-top haircut than that doctor guy from when I took my mom to the hospital a while ago.
And apparently main character's job when he was in the Army in Iraq was moving old movie sets that had been buried under the sand for 80 years. Or so he seemed to say, if you didn't listen to the second half of his statement.
And apparently Jayne's name in this is Jesse. What is it with this man and names that can also be women's names? And they're in the deserts of California, and yet they're wearing jackets and stuff. Seems like it might have been filmed somewhere colder. Like, maybe, the Richmond Sand Dunes outside of Vancouver? Although there does seem to be more sand and more area than I thought there was. But I guess they can do anything with computers these days.
Seems one of the props for the movie (The Eye of Horus, I think) is somehow connected to the Anubis guy. Seems he's Im-La-Ra, or the Left Hand of Seth, who we all know is the god of chaos.
And apparently Freemasons are involved somehow. Apparently they built the pyramids, and they built the prison cell thing to contain all the evil arifacts.
And now Jayne's gone all nutso...
And what the heck is the point of sleeveless shirts that have a hood? They look really dumb.
And I need a friend like this Buford character. Insane with a shack of guns and explosives. For the Rapture, apparently. And although he seems to have been in the Army, he seems to be wearing Desert MARPAT Pants. For those of you keeping score at home, the MAR in MARPAT stands for Marine.
And speaking of dumbidity, Buford just busted out with waht appears to be a UTG M87 shotgun. Hi-cap mag, single-sided cocking arm, crappy red dot and all. Remember what I was saying about the fact that magazine fed shotguns are rare (in my review of Supergator or whatever)? I'm pretty sure that whenever they show up in these movies, they're in fact airsoft shotguns. In fact, I've got 3 sitting in a box in my room. Sadly, they're all broken. Cylinder/piston assembly's really weak. But what to you expect from a $20 shotgun.
And now there's a car chase. With random main character guy chasing after Jayne, who's kidnapped Inara, and the cops chasing anyone and everyone. And the cops are randomly shooting at anyone and everyone. For no apparently or conceivable reason. But whatever, its all OK. The guy in charge has the most amazing flat-top. Note to self: Post picture.
And thus apparently endeth Jayne's role in this movie. And they just referred to him as a walking meat bucket.
And now they're being attacked by 2 dimensional paintings. And, yes, that's just as dumb as it sounds. And Inara has been outwitted by a LAW rocket.
And this Army guy can't shoot. He was aiming at a box of White Phosphorus grenades at the creature's feet, but ended up sailing the rocket well over the creature's head. Luckily he seems to have caused enough damage to the grenades to set them off, and turn the creature to glass.
And it seems that Inara is ridiculously tiny. That is all.
Lost Treasure of the Grand Canyon (and Bonus)
Shannen Doherty, Michael Shanks (2008) A woman leads an expedition to save her father from warriors of an ancient civilization.
Sci-Fi Saturday movie from 12/20.
The glorious return of the Sci-Fi Saturday reviews to my blog. They've been absent for a bit because the SciFi channel decides to put movies that I've already seen as their feature on Saturday nights. Stuff like Sin City, Jurassic Park: The Lost World, Blade Runner. I've seen these already, and am not going to watch them again just to review them. This past week, it was Serenity. Which would be worth watching again, but if I'm going to watch it, it'll be commercial-free on DVD. And I'm not sure if I'd want to review it, mainly because its really good. On second thought, I'll have a mini-review inside this review. The bonus I mentioned in the title:
Serenity: Watch it.
PS: Jewel Staite is hot.
Uh, yeah. That's it. If you haven't seen it, do it. And watch Firefly while you're at it. I could have sworn I talked about Firefly on this blog a while ago. Probably before my huge hiatus. Feel free to go back and search for it, and let me know. And then I can use the word "and" far too many times in one sentence. And if you're typing quickly, and accidentally swap the "T" and the " " in "far too", you get humorous results.
And now to hit the play button on the DVR. Well, actually its not really a button, but its an option on the screen. Anyways, onwards:
I was torn when I decided to review this movie. I've got this, with everyone's favorite Daniel Jackson in it, and I have Sands of Oblivion, with Jayne Cobb in it. Tough choice. But in the end, I decided that I hadn't done a Sci-Fi Saturday review in a while, and after all, Daniel Jackson has my loyalties, because, aside from sharing my name, he happened to have about 10 seasons of watching, with assorted movies, while Jayne only had one season and a movie (and a Stargate guest star role). So, in the end Dr. Jackson won out. Jayne'll show up in a bit.
Oh, right. This movie. Perhaps I should talk about it at some point. Nah...
And if I were feeling like a jerk (or at least moreso than usual), I'd end the review now, and hit the "Publish Post" button. Which is what I might do if it were not a Sci-Fi Saturday movie. I wonder if I could coin the acronym SFS for Sci-Fi Saturday. Much quicker to type. We'll see if it catches on. By which I mean, will I remember it the next time I want to mention the Sci-Fi Channel's weekly bad movie showcase. We will see.
You remember the SG1 episode "Wormhole X-treme"? The hundreth episode where they basically make fun of the whole production? Anyways, there's one scen where they're discussing the budget (of Wormhole X-treme, the show within the show), and they say that they don't have enough money to show a spaceship. The producers/directors talk about how they will show the awesomeness of the alien spaceship in people's reactions. That's what they're doing with the monster in this movie. Reminds me of a movie I watched a little while ago called "Alien Abduction". I didn't review it here, because #1 I didn't feel like it, and the blog was on Christmas break, and #2 because it was terrible, and I didn't care enough to pay attention. The main character of that one supposedly saw a UFO, but it was never shown to the viewer. Same sort of budgetary thing I'd guess. And did I mention it was terrible? And it didn't really end. Or at least it did have an ending, but it didn't make much sense, or provide much closure.
Daniel Jackson's character finds it preposterous that someone has a theory that the Egyptians came to North America. Kind of humorous given Daniel Jackson's views on the subject. And Martouf's character is named Dr. Langford. I wonder if all these parallels with the Stargate franchise are intentional, or just coincidences.
And some character who's getting his heart cut out has the most amazing beard. Very pointy. Speaking of which, I need to pick up the latest Dream Theater DVD.
And the Canon from SG1's Demons was just beheaded.
It seems that Martouf is actually the hero of this one, not Shanks. But I guess J.R. Bourne isn't a big enough name to get top billing. Or not. Seems that he's a big weenie after all. Now its time for Shanks to find his heart of gold. But it seems that his heart is actually made of meat. As he seeminglyh just removed it from his chest. I supect that some trickery is afoot. And now everyone's getting shot by arrows. As I suspected, it was merely a spare heart that he stole from the temple's Jar O' Hearts.
And now to show that he's supremely badass, Shanks is desecrating Quetzocoatl's temple. Seemingly for the sole purpose of goading he/she/it into a fight. And I'll now be referring to the Aztec god thing as Q, because the full name is to freaking long, and I'm not even sure I spelled it right. Apparently its actually spelled Quetzalcoatl. Not too shabby for a first attempt, if I do say so myself.
These Aztek folks seem awfully serene about Dr. Jackson just stabificating their god. I guess they'd seen SG1 already, and seen his propensity for doing that. Oh, nice. Apparently he's now their god. Way to go Dr. Jackson.
So, am I not complaining about this movie because it had 2 actors I rather like (Michael Shanks and J.R. Bourne)? Who really knows.
And now for some sweet, sweet Jayne action.
Sci-Fi Saturday movie from 12/20.
The glorious return of the Sci-Fi Saturday reviews to my blog. They've been absent for a bit because the SciFi channel decides to put movies that I've already seen as their feature on Saturday nights. Stuff like Sin City, Jurassic Park: The Lost World, Blade Runner. I've seen these already, and am not going to watch them again just to review them. This past week, it was Serenity. Which would be worth watching again, but if I'm going to watch it, it'll be commercial-free on DVD. And I'm not sure if I'd want to review it, mainly because its really good. On second thought, I'll have a mini-review inside this review. The bonus I mentioned in the title:
Serenity: Watch it.
PS: Jewel Staite is hot.
Uh, yeah. That's it. If you haven't seen it, do it. And watch Firefly while you're at it. I could have sworn I talked about Firefly on this blog a while ago. Probably before my huge hiatus. Feel free to go back and search for it, and let me know. And then I can use the word "and" far too many times in one sentence. And if you're typing quickly, and accidentally swap the "T" and the " " in "far too", you get humorous results.
And now to hit the play button on the DVR. Well, actually its not really a button, but its an option on the screen. Anyways, onwards:
I was torn when I decided to review this movie. I've got this, with everyone's favorite Daniel Jackson in it, and I have Sands of Oblivion, with Jayne Cobb in it. Tough choice. But in the end, I decided that I hadn't done a Sci-Fi Saturday review in a while, and after all, Daniel Jackson has my loyalties, because, aside from sharing my name, he happened to have about 10 seasons of watching, with assorted movies, while Jayne only had one season and a movie (and a Stargate guest star role). So, in the end Dr. Jackson won out. Jayne'll show up in a bit.
Oh, right. This movie. Perhaps I should talk about it at some point. Nah...
And if I were feeling like a jerk (or at least moreso than usual), I'd end the review now, and hit the "Publish Post" button. Which is what I might do if it were not a Sci-Fi Saturday movie. I wonder if I could coin the acronym SFS for Sci-Fi Saturday. Much quicker to type. We'll see if it catches on. By which I mean, will I remember it the next time I want to mention the Sci-Fi Channel's weekly bad movie showcase. We will see.
You remember the SG1 episode "Wormhole X-treme"? The hundreth episode where they basically make fun of the whole production? Anyways, there's one scen where they're discussing the budget (of Wormhole X-treme, the show within the show), and they say that they don't have enough money to show a spaceship. The producers/directors talk about how they will show the awesomeness of the alien spaceship in people's reactions. That's what they're doing with the monster in this movie. Reminds me of a movie I watched a little while ago called "Alien Abduction". I didn't review it here, because #1 I didn't feel like it, and the blog was on Christmas break, and #2 because it was terrible, and I didn't care enough to pay attention. The main character of that one supposedly saw a UFO, but it was never shown to the viewer. Same sort of budgetary thing I'd guess. And did I mention it was terrible? And it didn't really end. Or at least it did have an ending, but it didn't make much sense, or provide much closure.
Daniel Jackson's character finds it preposterous that someone has a theory that the Egyptians came to North America. Kind of humorous given Daniel Jackson's views on the subject. And Martouf's character is named Dr. Langford. I wonder if all these parallels with the Stargate franchise are intentional, or just coincidences.
And some character who's getting his heart cut out has the most amazing beard. Very pointy. Speaking of which, I need to pick up the latest Dream Theater DVD.
And the Canon from SG1's Demons was just beheaded.
It seems that Martouf is actually the hero of this one, not Shanks. But I guess J.R. Bourne isn't a big enough name to get top billing. Or not. Seems that he's a big weenie after all. Now its time for Shanks to find his heart of gold. But it seems that his heart is actually made of meat. As he seeminglyh just removed it from his chest. I supect that some trickery is afoot. And now everyone's getting shot by arrows. As I suspected, it was merely a spare heart that he stole from the temple's Jar O' Hearts.
And now to show that he's supremely badass, Shanks is desecrating Quetzocoatl's temple. Seemingly for the sole purpose of goading he/she/it into a fight. And I'll now be referring to the Aztec god thing as Q, because the full name is to freaking long, and I'm not even sure I spelled it right. Apparently its actually spelled Quetzalcoatl. Not too shabby for a first attempt, if I do say so myself.
These Aztek folks seem awfully serene about Dr. Jackson just stabificating their god. I guess they'd seen SG1 already, and seen his propensity for doing that. Oh, nice. Apparently he's now their god. Way to go Dr. Jackson.
So, am I not complaining about this movie because it had 2 actors I rather like (Michael Shanks and J.R. Bourne)? Who really knows.
And now for some sweet, sweet Jayne action.
Diary of the Dead
In the latest of the Romero "... of the Dead" movies, Romero decided to focus the satire on the 24-hour news establishment and the internet culture of bloggers and stuff. So, Mr. Romero: Screw you too.
Best lines of the movie came when the main character showed up at his girlfriend's abandoned dorm, and encountered some random guy:
Random Guy: "What the fuck are you doing here?"
Main Character: "What the fuck are you doing here?"
Random Guy: *cheerfully* "I'm stealing shit."
Best lines of the movie came when the main character showed up at his girlfriend's abandoned dorm, and encountered some random guy:
Random Guy: "What the fuck are you doing here?"
Main Character: "What the fuck are you doing here?"
Random Guy: *cheerfully* "I'm stealing shit."
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Self-Censorship
Now my dad has access to Gmail, and thus has access to my status message where I link to here.
So, that means I may need to clean up my language.
Should I? Probably.
Will I? Probably not.
So, that means I may need to clean up my language.
Should I? Probably.
Will I? Probably not.
Monday, December 22, 2008
The Monkey King
Thomas Gibson, Bai Ling (2001) A businessman, a powerful monkey-like being and his weird sidekicks battle an army of demons for a Chinese manuscript.
How can you argue with a "powerful monkey-like being". Which would be why I recorded it. Unfortunately, its 4 hours long. So, I've started to watch it to see if I want to watch it, or delete it from the DVR.
Apparently this dude is the savior of mankind. Or China. Or something. Apparently something's happening about the world going back in time or something. I guess something involving a Chinese manuscript or something... Actually, it'd be sweet if the tagline for the movie lied to the viewer.
And apparently those famous Chinese terra cotta soldiers came to life for some reason. I'm really not sure why. But they look rather hilarious, as they're actors with really thickly caked makeup.
You know what DVRs need? The ability to delete up to a certain point on a recording. I'm probably not going to get through the entire 4 hours tonight, and its gonna be a bitch to fast forward to find where I was when I come back to it later.
And now its approximatly 20 hours later. And I have to pee.
This movie seems to be something about Buddhism. And Confucianism. And China...
And apparently its a mini-series. Either that or it ends sorta randomly, and they're playing it twice in a row...
Confucius seems to be quite the cockbag.
So, all I've managed to glean from not quite watching this movie is that Chinese mythology is weird.... and doesn't make a lot of sense if you're not paying attention and haven't been exposed to it very much previously...
How can you argue with a "powerful monkey-like being". Which would be why I recorded it. Unfortunately, its 4 hours long. So, I've started to watch it to see if I want to watch it, or delete it from the DVR.
Apparently this dude is the savior of mankind. Or China. Or something. Apparently something's happening about the world going back in time or something. I guess something involving a Chinese manuscript or something... Actually, it'd be sweet if the tagline for the movie lied to the viewer.
And apparently those famous Chinese terra cotta soldiers came to life for some reason. I'm really not sure why. But they look rather hilarious, as they're actors with really thickly caked makeup.
You know what DVRs need? The ability to delete up to a certain point on a recording. I'm probably not going to get through the entire 4 hours tonight, and its gonna be a bitch to fast forward to find where I was when I come back to it later.
And now its approximatly 20 hours later. And I have to pee.
This movie seems to be something about Buddhism. And Confucianism. And China...
And apparently its a mini-series. Either that or it ends sorta randomly, and they're playing it twice in a row...
Confucius seems to be quite the cockbag.
So, all I've managed to glean from not quite watching this movie is that Chinese mythology is weird.... and doesn't make a lot of sense if you're not paying attention and haven't been exposed to it very much previously...
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Sharks in Venice
Stephen Baldwin, Bashar Rahal (2008) A man must brave shark-infested Venetian waters to find treasure and rescue his kidnapped girlfriend.
Sci-Fi Saturday movie from 12/14.
They really advertised the hell out of this one. Could hardly watch anything on the Sci-Fi channel without seeing and ad for this.
Oh, and you know who Stephen Baldwin is? Yup, he's the crappy one. The one that I generally spend about half of the review mocking and complaining about. And jsut FYI, he is known in this household as "Fat Baldwin". Just thought you might want want to know. I'm hoping he gets eaten. Although he did get top billing. Although that's not really much of an honor for a Sci-Fi Original Picture. But it generally means you're not going to die. At least until the very end, after what everyone thinks is the end of the movie, when the monster returns for one final hurrah. Although they haven't been doing that in a lot of the movies lately. Kind of a shame, as I'm usually not sympathetic to any of the characters in the movie, and thus won't particularly care if they get devoured horribly.
And now I'm going to put the period on the outside of the quotation marks whenever possible just to annoy my "brother". Take that, fiend.
In case you haven't figured it out yet, Fat Baldwin hasn't showed up, so I haven't had a a chance to mock him incessantly yet.
Oh, great. I wonder if its the same director as that other movie I was watching a while back. The shark attacks thus far are a bunch of quick cuts of sharks, water, the victim, all put together in a very annoying fashion. Very similar to some movie I saw a while ago... And it hasn't gotten any better with age...
Fat Baldwin as a college professor. Yeah, believable. But at least he has decent hair. Or at least not ridiculously stupid hair. Although he does seem to have some sort of musical score for everything he says, making it seem very profound and deep. I'm not fooled. Ooh, now he just has to look at things for his musical score to show up. He must be important.
Apparently the official government position is that there are no sharks in Venice. Which means that there are. A lot. I'm offering a sizable reward to the first shark who eats Stephen Baldwin.
Apparently the backstory is something about the Crusades, a shit-ton of treasure, the Medicis, Marco Polo's fleet, and a lot of killaging. Oh, yeah. A lot of apathy. Oh wait, that's not so much in the movie, just sort of in this room.
Oh, and you know who should never wear a skin-tight wet-suit thing? That's right. Stephen Baldwin. Who now seems to be hallucinating sharks. Honestly, I'm hoping for a shark wearing a business suit walking down the side of the canal. They'd never expect it.
And apparently the canals of Venice are really polluted. Pretty sure that sentence should end with the phrase "with sharks".
Apparently the director of this movie, Danny Lerner was also a producer on Raging Sharks. That probably explains the similarities I noted earlier. He's also going to be the producer of Rambo V. That doesn't spell too well for that movie. And people can somehow speak underwater, even though they've got SCUBA regulators in their mouths. Any idea if that's even possible? I've never SCUBA dived before, but it seems that it would be bordering on impossible to be able to talk intelligibly.
And dude just said that his tank was nearing empty, and yet he keeps swimming around calmly. And the gauge said that he had no air left.
And someone just got attacked by a shark. I thought Baldwin was the only one underwater at the time, but now he's swimming around seemingly un-horribly mangled. Seems he was bit, but the shark didn't like the taste of him or something. I do believe I intended to reward the first shark that ate Stephen Baldwin. Biting him and letting him live do not cut it. So, no reward for you Mr. Shark.
And we're only about a half hour into the movie, and he's already found the treasure. Hopefully that means this movie will be rather short, and I don't have to put of with Fat Baldwin's jibba-jabba no more.
And this fight scene business has to go. Apparently Baldwin may have gotten into a fight with a shark. There was a knife, some blood, some fat guy, and a shark. Other than that, I got nothing. Oh, and there was a leg as well... But not Baldwin's leg. Because he's still got both. And I'm pretty sure he didn't have 3 to start with. I think they may have been hoping that the viewer would be apalled at the prospect of Mr. Baldwin losing a leg, and then be relieved when he still had both legs. Unfortunately, it seems as though they got the opposite reaction from me.
I must be in the wrong line of work. No one has thus far offered me a briefcase full of cash. I'm slightly disappointed.
And some guy just got eaten by a shark. Sadly, the sun, reflective TV screen, and my camera are not cooperating today, so I can't get any decent pictures. But it was a glorious scene, as the shark managed to the guy, some chick nowhere near the edge of the canal, and cause a gigantic splash, and managed to not get any of the pavement wet, even though there was plenty of CG water.
And Mr. Baldwin seems to enjoy reading stage directions. As he was sightseeing, his line was "Looking at beautiful things". Pretty sure if they actually had a decent scriptwriter, they wouldn't have drivel such as this. Although then it wouldn't be a proper bad scifi movie. Oh, and the bad guys just jacked Baldwin's girlfriend and drove away with her in a boat. By which I mean that they were in a boat with an obvious dummy who was dressed similarly to the girlfriend.
And it seems that in this modern age, the hope for a high-speed gondola chase is very slim. I'm disappointed.
And they should really be consistent with their shark attack footage. There are some shots interspersed throughout the movie with sharks that are obviously eating things on the open ocean.
And now there are apparently ninjas. But I really can't tell, as the director really likes cutting to a new shot before you cant actually figure out what's going on. And if you're going to be a ninja wearing all black, wouldn't you choose black shoes to with your outfit, rather than white tennis shoes? Although I thoroughly respect these ninjas, as they seem to be going out of their way to push people, rather than being content pushing only the people in their way. And now the guy's UZI seems to be shooting bullets, while earlier it was just a tranquilizer gun.
Scenario 1: Bad guy has a chainsaw. What do you do? Apparently Fat Baldwin's idea of a good idea is to pick up a wooden table.
Scenario 2: Bad guy has a chainsaw. You chose a wooden table as your weapon. His chainsaw cuts through your table. What do you do? Baldwin decided that a wooden chair was his best choice of weapon. Just as a side note, the table was a lot more solidly built than the chair. Might have made sense to go in the opposite order as a demonstration that he's learning, but it just made him look dumber, as he chose an even more ludicrous weapon.
Apparently the props guy was only able to scrounge up one UZI and 2 Berettas.
Apparently some part of the mafia's master plan for control of stuff involved the release of baby sharks into the canals of Venice. I'm really not sure what this was meant to accomplish, but it almost guarantees that Beardy McAfro is going to get eaten by sharks at the end of this.
And now they have explosive harpoons. Not really sure where those came from.
Scenario 2: If you have a speargun thing that shot explosive harpoons, would you have the harpoons be attached to the gun? A normal speargun thing I can understand, but an explosive one? That's just courting disaster.
And the sound effect they're using for pistol shots seems to be the same sound that Wolfenstein 3D used for their pistol. And the bad guy just got portcullised. And in response Beardy McAfro has decided to send more of his goons to kill Baldwin. Unfortunately, they've already established that the only person who knows where the treasure is is in fact Baldwin. But somehow one of the guys survived the inevitable sharking, and found the treasure. And somehow managed to fit a full-sized MP5 down his shirt without any sort of bulge. And apparently all treasure chests include some barrels of gunpowder.
And the props guy seems to have found that MP5, and a chrome ass 1911. Probably the same 1911 from that other movie. And they seem to have scrounged up a bunch of M16s for the inevitable SWAT team scene. ANd now the bad guys have 2 UZIs. Movin' on up in the world.
Have to respect Baldwin in this fight scene. The bad guy goes for the gun on the ground, while Baldwin just calmly kicks him in the face when he bends over.
I'm thinking that some of the ninjas from earlier have swapped sides and are now on the SWAT team, as they seem to be going out of their way to push random things for no apparent reason.
ANd they just used the same exact shot of some guy rappelling in to the warehouse three times in relatively rapid succession. And he wasn't even pointing, or much less holding, a gun, even though he was rappelling into a firefight. Three times. You figure he might have learned.
But luckily its over now. And now I don't have to pay attention to Stephen Baldwin for some time to come.
By the way, they had the final scene of some guy getting eaten by a shark. Nice to see that they brought that staple back.
And you know a movie's bad when I complain more about it than about Stephen Baldwin,
Sci-Fi Saturday movie from 12/14.
They really advertised the hell out of this one. Could hardly watch anything on the Sci-Fi channel without seeing and ad for this.
Oh, and you know who Stephen Baldwin is? Yup, he's the crappy one. The one that I generally spend about half of the review mocking and complaining about. And jsut FYI, he is known in this household as "Fat Baldwin". Just thought you might want want to know. I'm hoping he gets eaten. Although he did get top billing. Although that's not really much of an honor for a Sci-Fi Original Picture. But it generally means you're not going to die. At least until the very end, after what everyone thinks is the end of the movie, when the monster returns for one final hurrah. Although they haven't been doing that in a lot of the movies lately. Kind of a shame, as I'm usually not sympathetic to any of the characters in the movie, and thus won't particularly care if they get devoured horribly.
And now I'm going to put the period on the outside of the quotation marks whenever possible just to annoy my "brother". Take that, fiend.
In case you haven't figured it out yet, Fat Baldwin hasn't showed up, so I haven't had a a chance to mock him incessantly yet.
Oh, great. I wonder if its the same director as that other movie I was watching a while back. The shark attacks thus far are a bunch of quick cuts of sharks, water, the victim, all put together in a very annoying fashion. Very similar to some movie I saw a while ago... And it hasn't gotten any better with age...
Fat Baldwin as a college professor. Yeah, believable. But at least he has decent hair. Or at least not ridiculously stupid hair. Although he does seem to have some sort of musical score for everything he says, making it seem very profound and deep. I'm not fooled. Ooh, now he just has to look at things for his musical score to show up. He must be important.
Apparently the official government position is that there are no sharks in Venice. Which means that there are. A lot. I'm offering a sizable reward to the first shark who eats Stephen Baldwin.
Apparently the backstory is something about the Crusades, a shit-ton of treasure, the Medicis, Marco Polo's fleet, and a lot of killaging. Oh, yeah. A lot of apathy. Oh wait, that's not so much in the movie, just sort of in this room.
Oh, and you know who should never wear a skin-tight wet-suit thing? That's right. Stephen Baldwin. Who now seems to be hallucinating sharks. Honestly, I'm hoping for a shark wearing a business suit walking down the side of the canal. They'd never expect it.
And apparently the canals of Venice are really polluted. Pretty sure that sentence should end with the phrase "with sharks".
Apparently the director of this movie, Danny Lerner was also a producer on Raging Sharks. That probably explains the similarities I noted earlier. He's also going to be the producer of Rambo V. That doesn't spell too well for that movie. And people can somehow speak underwater, even though they've got SCUBA regulators in their mouths. Any idea if that's even possible? I've never SCUBA dived before, but it seems that it would be bordering on impossible to be able to talk intelligibly.
And dude just said that his tank was nearing empty, and yet he keeps swimming around calmly. And the gauge said that he had no air left.
And someone just got attacked by a shark. I thought Baldwin was the only one underwater at the time, but now he's swimming around seemingly un-horribly mangled. Seems he was bit, but the shark didn't like the taste of him or something. I do believe I intended to reward the first shark that ate Stephen Baldwin. Biting him and letting him live do not cut it. So, no reward for you Mr. Shark.
And we're only about a half hour into the movie, and he's already found the treasure. Hopefully that means this movie will be rather short, and I don't have to put of with Fat Baldwin's jibba-jabba no more.
And this fight scene business has to go. Apparently Baldwin may have gotten into a fight with a shark. There was a knife, some blood, some fat guy, and a shark. Other than that, I got nothing. Oh, and there was a leg as well... But not Baldwin's leg. Because he's still got both. And I'm pretty sure he didn't have 3 to start with. I think they may have been hoping that the viewer would be apalled at the prospect of Mr. Baldwin losing a leg, and then be relieved when he still had both legs. Unfortunately, it seems as though they got the opposite reaction from me.
I must be in the wrong line of work. No one has thus far offered me a briefcase full of cash. I'm slightly disappointed.
And some guy just got eaten by a shark. Sadly, the sun, reflective TV screen, and my camera are not cooperating today, so I can't get any decent pictures. But it was a glorious scene, as the shark managed to the guy, some chick nowhere near the edge of the canal, and cause a gigantic splash, and managed to not get any of the pavement wet, even though there was plenty of CG water.
And Mr. Baldwin seems to enjoy reading stage directions. As he was sightseeing, his line was "Looking at beautiful things". Pretty sure if they actually had a decent scriptwriter, they wouldn't have drivel such as this. Although then it wouldn't be a proper bad scifi movie. Oh, and the bad guys just jacked Baldwin's girlfriend and drove away with her in a boat. By which I mean that they were in a boat with an obvious dummy who was dressed similarly to the girlfriend.
And it seems that in this modern age, the hope for a high-speed gondola chase is very slim. I'm disappointed.
And they should really be consistent with their shark attack footage. There are some shots interspersed throughout the movie with sharks that are obviously eating things on the open ocean.
And now there are apparently ninjas. But I really can't tell, as the director really likes cutting to a new shot before you cant actually figure out what's going on. And if you're going to be a ninja wearing all black, wouldn't you choose black shoes to with your outfit, rather than white tennis shoes? Although I thoroughly respect these ninjas, as they seem to be going out of their way to push people, rather than being content pushing only the people in their way. And now the guy's UZI seems to be shooting bullets, while earlier it was just a tranquilizer gun.
Scenario 1: Bad guy has a chainsaw. What do you do? Apparently Fat Baldwin's idea of a good idea is to pick up a wooden table.
Scenario 2: Bad guy has a chainsaw. You chose a wooden table as your weapon. His chainsaw cuts through your table. What do you do? Baldwin decided that a wooden chair was his best choice of weapon. Just as a side note, the table was a lot more solidly built than the chair. Might have made sense to go in the opposite order as a demonstration that he's learning, but it just made him look dumber, as he chose an even more ludicrous weapon.
Apparently the props guy was only able to scrounge up one UZI and 2 Berettas.
Apparently some part of the mafia's master plan for control of stuff involved the release of baby sharks into the canals of Venice. I'm really not sure what this was meant to accomplish, but it almost guarantees that Beardy McAfro is going to get eaten by sharks at the end of this.
And now they have explosive harpoons. Not really sure where those came from.
Scenario 2: If you have a speargun thing that shot explosive harpoons, would you have the harpoons be attached to the gun? A normal speargun thing I can understand, but an explosive one? That's just courting disaster.
And the sound effect they're using for pistol shots seems to be the same sound that Wolfenstein 3D used for their pistol. And the bad guy just got portcullised. And in response Beardy McAfro has decided to send more of his goons to kill Baldwin. Unfortunately, they've already established that the only person who knows where the treasure is is in fact Baldwin. But somehow one of the guys survived the inevitable sharking, and found the treasure. And somehow managed to fit a full-sized MP5 down his shirt without any sort of bulge. And apparently all treasure chests include some barrels of gunpowder.
And the props guy seems to have found that MP5, and a chrome ass 1911. Probably the same 1911 from that other movie. And they seem to have scrounged up a bunch of M16s for the inevitable SWAT team scene. ANd now the bad guys have 2 UZIs. Movin' on up in the world.
Have to respect Baldwin in this fight scene. The bad guy goes for the gun on the ground, while Baldwin just calmly kicks him in the face when he bends over.
I'm thinking that some of the ninjas from earlier have swapped sides and are now on the SWAT team, as they seem to be going out of their way to push random things for no apparent reason.
ANd they just used the same exact shot of some guy rappelling in to the warehouse three times in relatively rapid succession. And he wasn't even pointing, or much less holding, a gun, even though he was rappelling into a firefight. Three times. You figure he might have learned.
But luckily its over now. And now I don't have to pay attention to Stephen Baldwin for some time to come.
By the way, they had the final scene of some guy getting eaten by a shark. Nice to see that they brought that staple back.
And you know a movie's bad when I complain more about it than about Stephen Baldwin,
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Adam Baldwin!
Just wanted to let you know that I DVRed Sands of Oblivion. Its the Bad Sci Fi Movie with Adam Baldwin. AKA Jayne Cobb.
I missed it when it premiered on Sci-Fi Saturday, and then again when it was on while I was in Hawaii. So, now I shan't miss it. Unless I accidentally delete it.
I missed it when it premiered on Sci-Fi Saturday, and then again when it was on while I was in Hawaii. So, now I shan't miss it. Unless I accidentally delete it.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Cross-Country Skiing
We just got some channel that showed up on the DVR that seems to play the winter olympic sports all the time.
We've had bobsled, slalom skiing...
And now I'm watching cross-country skiing. Its so completely not exciting, but its strangely intriguing...
I think its the impression that they're really not going any faster or more efficiently than if they were just running that makes the sport seem so futile.
We've had bobsled, slalom skiing...
And now I'm watching cross-country skiing. Its so completely not exciting, but its strangely intriguing...
I think its the impression that they're really not going any faster or more efficiently than if they were just running that makes the sport seem so futile.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Inside Man
Denzel Washington, Clive Owen (2006) An enigmatic woman threatens to push past the breaking point a volatile game between a bank robber and a detective.
First off, interesting phrasing in the description. Wouldn't a more comment way to say it be "An enigmatic woman threatens to push a volatile... past the breaking point"?
And interesting opening music. Its in some foreign language. Based on the music and rhythm I'm going to assume that its in fact Indian. We'll see if that particular choice of music ends up paying off in the plot somehow.
Some dude's AK has the rear sight up really high. Probably a few thousand meters or something.
Apparently Clive Owen has decided to take some hostages and rob a bank. I'll keep you updated. Turns out that an Operative of the Parliament and Denzel Washington are the cops who are in charge of the police response. I think I liked the Operative better when he had his accent in Serenity. He seems to have a standard American accent in this one.
And its got Agent Smecker/Norman Osborne in it, too. And Clarice Starling.
Intriguing. It seems that they're sort of doing some sort of flashbacks interspersed with the main plot. And by flashbacks, I mean that its in the future when compared to the main plot, and seems to have the police interviewing the hostages from the main plot.
Mr. Owen seems to have a good plan. Dress the hostages the same as the kidnappers to prevent the police from being able to identify the difference. Never talk to the police. Have everything written down, so they can never identify an accent.
And I'm pretty sure my bank is never going to get robbed. There's no nearby food establishment for the cops and negotiators to hang out in. Bank robbers in movies and stuff are very considerate in that way.
Denzel Washington walks into a restaurant
Waiter: "Can I have your hat?"
Denzel: "No. Get your own."
And all turned out in the end, because both the bank robbers and the cops turned out to be good guys.
Yay?
First off, interesting phrasing in the description. Wouldn't a more comment way to say it be "An enigmatic woman threatens to push a volatile... past the breaking point"?
And interesting opening music. Its in some foreign language. Based on the music and rhythm I'm going to assume that its in fact Indian. We'll see if that particular choice of music ends up paying off in the plot somehow.
Some dude's AK has the rear sight up really high. Probably a few thousand meters or something.
Apparently Clive Owen has decided to take some hostages and rob a bank. I'll keep you updated. Turns out that an Operative of the Parliament and Denzel Washington are the cops who are in charge of the police response. I think I liked the Operative better when he had his accent in Serenity. He seems to have a standard American accent in this one.
And its got Agent Smecker/Norman Osborne in it, too. And Clarice Starling.
Intriguing. It seems that they're sort of doing some sort of flashbacks interspersed with the main plot. And by flashbacks, I mean that its in the future when compared to the main plot, and seems to have the police interviewing the hostages from the main plot.
Mr. Owen seems to have a good plan. Dress the hostages the same as the kidnappers to prevent the police from being able to identify the difference. Never talk to the police. Have everything written down, so they can never identify an accent.
And I'm pretty sure my bank is never going to get robbed. There's no nearby food establishment for the cops and negotiators to hang out in. Bank robbers in movies and stuff are very considerate in that way.
Denzel Washington walks into a restaurant
Waiter: "Can I have your hat?"
Denzel: "No. Get your own."
And all turned out in the end, because both the bank robbers and the cops turned out to be good guys.
Yay?
Monday, December 15, 2008
Raging Sharks
Corin Nemec, Vanessa Angel (2005) White sharks terrorize underwater researchers and a group of divers in the Pacific Ocean
Um, wat? I'm confused. The opening scene of this movie involves a space station and aliens. I really don't know what this has to do with sharks... OK, so apparently the space station exploded (in orbit around some other planet) and some sort of capsule ended up entering the Earth's atmosphere, and hitting some sort of Russian freighter thing, blowing it up. Hopefully this will be explained at some point in the future.
Oh, and by the way, this film marks Jonas Quinn's glorious return to my blog. He of Mansquito and "Supersoldiers of the SS or whatever" fame. And maybe a few other things. Oh, and fellow Stargate-alum Vanessa Angel is apprently in this as well. You might remember her as Anise/Freya, the ever so annoying Tok'ra character who was always being annoying, while wearing relatively skimpy outfits. Well, relatively skimpy in comparison to most of the other stuff on the show. Except for maybe the pilot, but that's a different story.
And Jonas apparently is in his Stupid Hair phase. He looks kind of ridiculous when he doesn't have the short hair from his original run on SG1 (not counting that episode where he came back with really dumb hair. Actually, upon further review, his hair longer than the Stupid Hair phase, so it doesn't look as bad. Still longer than I was expecting. And he's also got some sort of weird beard/stubble thing going on. Not that I can really complain about that...
And now Shaun Spencer's father has now upgraded from being a fake psychic detective's father to the captain of a US Navy nuclear submarine.
OK. So apparently, there's a deep-sea research station somewhere deep in the ocean. And a sea-plane is skimming close to the water trying to detect something or another over this facility. And yet, in the wide shot we can see land behind the plane... and pretty sizeable land. i.e. something larger than a Caribbean island. (I probably forgot to mention that this whole thing was taking place in the Bermuda Triangle) Land that is probably the size of, oh, say, Vancouver?
And apparently neoprene wetsuits are completely immune to the pressure wave caused by the detonation of 2 torpedoes. Even though it knocks the hell out of the underwater research station. And sharks are made up entirely of ribs. Or at least when they are en-bits-inated by explosions they turn into long skinny pieces that look like ribs. The bones, not the meat covered variety.
And you should probably think twice about trying to escape in a mini-sub and leaving all your friends behind, if you ever get into this sort of situation. Because you'll probably get attacked by sharks, and then your sub will crash and blow up. With a ridiculous amount of explosive force.
New question: if you were dissolving some sort of unidentified chemical and causing it to bubble and froth and stuff, wouldn't you want to use a fume hood of some variety? Because this guy didn't seem fazed by it...
And as far as I know MJ-12 =/= DIA. The bad guy just revealed himself saying that he's MJ-12. And then Jonas informed everyone that he was DIA. Which, as far as I know isn't the case. (And strangely enough, there's a character in this movie named Jonas, while the guy I'm referring to as Jonas is actually named Mike. But Movie Jonas is dead now, so I don't need to make this differentiation anymore)
And Jonas sure does like to yell.
In other news, why isn't Firefox taking note of my spelling errors any more? Its kind of annoying.
Oh, and apparently 9mm vs. computer consoles results in large explosions...
And now Captain MJ-DIA just cocked his MP5 thinkg on the side. Nowhere near the MP5's cocking handle just behind the front sight. I think all H&Ks have their cocking mechanisms in the same place... And even though it wasn't fired, Jonas cocked it twice for no reason. And I just did some quick research, and found that none of the MP5 variants had a cocking handle on the side....
And it looks like Jonas and Anise were just Deus Ex Machinaed by a couple of aliens... I could have kept you updated on the whole alien subplot that was going on, but didn't. At least aliens are the only explanation that would enable everyone to be able to survive being on the research station when it exploded. Or maybe it was just those magic neoprene wetsuits again. Corbin Bernsen is as skeptical as I am...
Um, wat? I'm confused. The opening scene of this movie involves a space station and aliens. I really don't know what this has to do with sharks... OK, so apparently the space station exploded (in orbit around some other planet) and some sort of capsule ended up entering the Earth's atmosphere, and hitting some sort of Russian freighter thing, blowing it up. Hopefully this will be explained at some point in the future.
Oh, and by the way, this film marks Jonas Quinn's glorious return to my blog. He of Mansquito and "Supersoldiers of the SS or whatever" fame. And maybe a few other things. Oh, and fellow Stargate-alum Vanessa Angel is apprently in this as well. You might remember her as Anise/Freya, the ever so annoying Tok'ra character who was always being annoying, while wearing relatively skimpy outfits. Well, relatively skimpy in comparison to most of the other stuff on the show. Except for maybe the pilot, but that's a different story.
And Jonas apparently is in his Stupid Hair phase. He looks kind of ridiculous when he doesn't have the short hair from his original run on SG1 (not counting that episode where he came back with really dumb hair. Actually, upon further review, his hair longer than the Stupid Hair phase, so it doesn't look as bad. Still longer than I was expecting. And he's also got some sort of weird beard/stubble thing going on. Not that I can really complain about that...
And now Shaun Spencer's father has now upgraded from being a fake psychic detective's father to the captain of a US Navy nuclear submarine.
OK. So apparently, there's a deep-sea research station somewhere deep in the ocean. And a sea-plane is skimming close to the water trying to detect something or another over this facility. And yet, in the wide shot we can see land behind the plane... and pretty sizeable land. i.e. something larger than a Caribbean island. (I probably forgot to mention that this whole thing was taking place in the Bermuda Triangle) Land that is probably the size of, oh, say, Vancouver?
And apparently neoprene wetsuits are completely immune to the pressure wave caused by the detonation of 2 torpedoes. Even though it knocks the hell out of the underwater research station. And sharks are made up entirely of ribs. Or at least when they are en-bits-inated by explosions they turn into long skinny pieces that look like ribs. The bones, not the meat covered variety.
And you should probably think twice about trying to escape in a mini-sub and leaving all your friends behind, if you ever get into this sort of situation. Because you'll probably get attacked by sharks, and then your sub will crash and blow up. With a ridiculous amount of explosive force.
New question: if you were dissolving some sort of unidentified chemical and causing it to bubble and froth and stuff, wouldn't you want to use a fume hood of some variety? Because this guy didn't seem fazed by it...
And as far as I know MJ-12 =/= DIA. The bad guy just revealed himself saying that he's MJ-12. And then Jonas informed everyone that he was DIA. Which, as far as I know isn't the case. (And strangely enough, there's a character in this movie named Jonas, while the guy I'm referring to as Jonas is actually named Mike. But Movie Jonas is dead now, so I don't need to make this differentiation anymore)
And Jonas sure does like to yell.
In other news, why isn't Firefox taking note of my spelling errors any more? Its kind of annoying.
Oh, and apparently 9mm vs. computer consoles results in large explosions...
And now Captain MJ-DIA just cocked his MP5 thinkg on the side. Nowhere near the MP5's cocking handle just behind the front sight. I think all H&Ks have their cocking mechanisms in the same place... And even though it wasn't fired, Jonas cocked it twice for no reason. And I just did some quick research, and found that none of the MP5 variants had a cocking handle on the side....
And it looks like Jonas and Anise were just Deus Ex Machinaed by a couple of aliens... I could have kept you updated on the whole alien subplot that was going on, but didn't. At least aliens are the only explanation that would enable everyone to be able to survive being on the research station when it exploded. Or maybe it was just those magic neoprene wetsuits again. Corbin Bernsen is as skeptical as I am...
Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy
William Forsythe, Hunter Tylo (2005) A deadly creature terrorizes a group of scientists on a remote island.
Damn evil Science!... It looks like its one of those movies where the evils of Science! are the cause of all the problems. And yes, I will be using the word "Science!" in place of "science" in this post. So, basically, some scientists are creating some hammerhead shark/human hybrid thing. For what purpose, I'm not really sure. But they are using scantily clad women as their test subjects, so I guess no one can really complain.
Oh, and they just pulled some sort of hybrid embryo out of a woman. Pretty sure the embryo they pulled out of here was bigger than her abdomen where it supposedly came from.
And another thing: is it pathetic that I was able to identify the waterfront of a city I've never been to? I was able to identify Vancouver's waterfront from a quick establishing shot. Probably has something to do with the fact that any sort of waterfront shown on Stargate is from Vancouver (really, along with any other scenes), and a lot of bad SciFi movies are filmed there as well.
Turns out that its an attempt to make people immune to cancer. By turning them into a shark thing.
And apparently even though they're breathing through SCUBA regulators, some divers are able to communicate effectively underwater by talking. Not entirely sure how that works...
And now 2 guys are shooting at the good guys with stock AK47s. AKA ones with no optics of any variety. However, they keep showing the point of view of the shooters with the crosshairs of a scope overlaid on the picture.
And now the same pod hanging off the side of a helicopter has been alternately a rocket launcher and a minigun. I guess whatever suits the needs of the pilot at the time.
And although the bad guys have been shooting at the good guy's helicopter for a solid 15 minutes, nothing has happened. But after only about 30 seconds of shooting at the enemy helicopter, it explodes. Oh, well. Now it looks like the good guys finally managed to hit. Good for them. There was only one good guy, and he managed to blow up a helicopter faster than about 15 bad guys... I guess good hired help is hard to come by these days.
And the evil doctor guy seems to have a laser sight on his syringe. For aiming purposes, I guess...
I'm not sure, but the shark hybrid thing may be attempting to rape some dude in order to procreate. I'm not really sure how that's gonna happen, as they're both dudes... but whatever... Science! But somehow the main woman is involved in the procedure as well. Honestly, I have little to no idea what's actually going on...
OK. Scenario time: There's some fucked up shark thing in a bathtub sized tank. The lead scientist just got eaten by the shark. You have an AK47. What do you do? I'd think the obvious thing to do would be to back up and unload the AK into the tank. Followed by grabbing a few more mags, maybe a rocket launcher or two, and going to town. However, the guy in this movie decided to step forward and start shooting. Which ended up with him getting et. I guess that's the kind of shoddy worksmanship that they teach at Bad Guy School.
And that was potentially the best CG explosion I've ever seen. For some reason, the siding of the building just randomly disappeared. And then there was some exploding. And then the frame of the building fell over. In basically one piece. Or at least the front of the building.
And then there was an ominous shot of underwater. With no sharks or anything. I don't really understand why they showed that. And in other news, apparently Firefox does not believe that udnerstand is a misspelled word.
Damn evil Science!... It looks like its one of those movies where the evils of Science! are the cause of all the problems. And yes, I will be using the word "Science!" in place of "science" in this post. So, basically, some scientists are creating some hammerhead shark/human hybrid thing. For what purpose, I'm not really sure. But they are using scantily clad women as their test subjects, so I guess no one can really complain.
Oh, and they just pulled some sort of hybrid embryo out of a woman. Pretty sure the embryo they pulled out of here was bigger than her abdomen where it supposedly came from.
And another thing: is it pathetic that I was able to identify the waterfront of a city I've never been to? I was able to identify Vancouver's waterfront from a quick establishing shot. Probably has something to do with the fact that any sort of waterfront shown on Stargate is from Vancouver (really, along with any other scenes), and a lot of bad SciFi movies are filmed there as well.
Turns out that its an attempt to make people immune to cancer. By turning them into a shark thing.
And apparently even though they're breathing through SCUBA regulators, some divers are able to communicate effectively underwater by talking. Not entirely sure how that works...
And now 2 guys are shooting at the good guys with stock AK47s. AKA ones with no optics of any variety. However, they keep showing the point of view of the shooters with the crosshairs of a scope overlaid on the picture.
And now the same pod hanging off the side of a helicopter has been alternately a rocket launcher and a minigun. I guess whatever suits the needs of the pilot at the time.
And although the bad guys have been shooting at the good guy's helicopter for a solid 15 minutes, nothing has happened. But after only about 30 seconds of shooting at the enemy helicopter, it explodes. Oh, well. Now it looks like the good guys finally managed to hit. Good for them. There was only one good guy, and he managed to blow up a helicopter faster than about 15 bad guys... I guess good hired help is hard to come by these days.
And the evil doctor guy seems to have a laser sight on his syringe. For aiming purposes, I guess...
I'm not sure, but the shark hybrid thing may be attempting to rape some dude in order to procreate. I'm not really sure how that's gonna happen, as they're both dudes... but whatever... Science! But somehow the main woman is involved in the procedure as well. Honestly, I have little to no idea what's actually going on...
OK. Scenario time: There's some fucked up shark thing in a bathtub sized tank. The lead scientist just got eaten by the shark. You have an AK47. What do you do? I'd think the obvious thing to do would be to back up and unload the AK into the tank. Followed by grabbing a few more mags, maybe a rocket launcher or two, and going to town. However, the guy in this movie decided to step forward and start shooting. Which ended up with him getting et. I guess that's the kind of shoddy worksmanship that they teach at Bad Guy School.
And that was potentially the best CG explosion I've ever seen. For some reason, the siding of the building just randomly disappeared. And then there was some exploding. And then the frame of the building fell over. In basically one piece. Or at least the front of the building.
And then there was an ominous shot of underwater. With no sharks or anything. I don't really understand why they showed that. And in other news, apparently Firefox does not believe that udnerstand is a misspelled word.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Timber Falls
Josh Randall, Brianna Brown (2007) Mike and Sheryl find that their camp in the woods is perfect until she is kidnapped by a crazed family which plans to use her as breeding stock.
Sci-Fi Saturday movie from 12/13.
I think I've made my feelings on the horror genre pretty clear. Especially when it shows up on the Sci-Fi Channel. But, since this is a Sci Fi Saturday movie, I am honor bound to review it. Or at least watch it, and then conclude that it sucks, and tell you as such.
Apparently Timber Falls is the trail which the main characters are going to be hiking on. And getting attacked by cannibals.
And about 5-10 minutes in, her bra's already coming off... Only to be interrupted by shotgun-toting moonshiners.
And apparently Charleston smells like feet. And the main characters live in Alexandria.
And chick just got herself kidnapped, and dude got hisself bear trapped.
Apparently this family is not fond of unwed folks boning.
So far, this movie is standard country horror movie. Messed up family takes a couple of travelers hostage and torture them. There's the crazy mother, the father who's the sheriff, but is actually as bat-shit insane as the rest of them, the disfigured dude, and the couple of hick/redneck brothers.
And this is truly f-ed up. They're trying to have kids, but they always have miscarriages. So, naturally, they decided to put all their attempts at kids in jars and put them on display.
And now it seems that the redneck brothers are not actually related to the family, but seem to actually be independently antagonistic to the main characters.
And I just realized that the sheriff/father character is that annoyingly snobby guy from Seven Days. And then I pretty much stopped watching and/or caring.
Sci-Fi Saturday movie from 12/13.
I think I've made my feelings on the horror genre pretty clear. Especially when it shows up on the Sci-Fi Channel. But, since this is a Sci Fi Saturday movie, I am honor bound to review it. Or at least watch it, and then conclude that it sucks, and tell you as such.
Apparently Timber Falls is the trail which the main characters are going to be hiking on. And getting attacked by cannibals.
And about 5-10 minutes in, her bra's already coming off... Only to be interrupted by shotgun-toting moonshiners.
And apparently Charleston smells like feet. And the main characters live in Alexandria.
And chick just got herself kidnapped, and dude got hisself bear trapped.
Apparently this family is not fond of unwed folks boning.
So far, this movie is standard country horror movie. Messed up family takes a couple of travelers hostage and torture them. There's the crazy mother, the father who's the sheriff, but is actually as bat-shit insane as the rest of them, the disfigured dude, and the couple of hick/redneck brothers.
And this is truly f-ed up. They're trying to have kids, but they always have miscarriages. So, naturally, they decided to put all their attempts at kids in jars and put them on display.
And now it seems that the redneck brothers are not actually related to the family, but seem to actually be independently antagonistic to the main characters.
And I just realized that the sheriff/father character is that annoyingly snobby guy from Seven Days. And then I pretty much stopped watching and/or caring.
Alien Agent
Mark Dacascos, Billy Zane (2007) An intergalactic warrior must stop a gang of ruthless aliens from invading earth.
First scene, there's some Uzis, and a Beretta M93r. Good start to the movie, by showing guns that are in my airsoft arsenal. Ooh, a 60 as well.
And somehow a truck that just go hijacked went from a major highway to a one lane country road in a matter of seconds, without turning.
Oh, and Mark Dacascos was on Stargate: Atlantis. He was one of Ronon's "friends" from Sateda who survived, and eventually became wraith worshipers. He was the one who survived to come back in that second episode. But didn't manage to survive long enough to make a three-peat. But things are looking good for his character in this movie. Seeing as how he seems to be the hero, and he just survived getting his car blowed up by a grenade launcher.
And another for the "I have one of those in my airsoft arsenal": a double barreled sawed-off shotgun.
And holy crap. Tig from Sons of Anarchy is a nerdy scientist. Which is completely different from his SoA character, who is an angry violent man. Honestly, if I hadn't seen that show, I probably wouldn't recognize him, as I don't remember seeing him in anything else thus far.
And thus, in the first 5 minutes of the movie I have made more comments than the previous movie. Probably because there're people I recognize, and guns involved... And now there're some boobs as well... Shaping up to be a good movie... Or at least not fantastically terrible. Just sorta terrible....
Apparently the aliens can infect humans or something through the use of multiple Tinkerbells.
And gas prices are $2.15 and 7/10ths per gallon. Never seen 7 tenths before.
M249 Para. That goes in the "Used to have one of those" category.
Apparently, locals, tourists and deadly predators agree that Italians made the best food. Stephen Baldwin in Sharks in Venice on tonight. Expect a review in the future. Because you know how much I just loves Stephen Baldwin.
This movie is the whole alien invasion thing. The good guy is there to say that the aliens back home have found a planet that they can use that doesn't have sentient life, and is trying to prevent the bad guys from going forward with thheir invasion plans.
And this movie is further proof that if you shoot a car enough, it will explode, no matter where you were aiming. In fact she was shooting at the passenger side of a car where the hero was cowering in the drivers seat. And they wonder why they can't kill him...
And apparently these aliens seeded the human race a long time ago, so they're our ancestors or some shit...
Nice hitchhiking scene. Young attractive girl is used as bait. Truck driver stops. Girl climbs in, truck driver's happy. Dude climbs in, trucker not so happy.
MP5K. Got one, but its broke. Need to get around to fixing it.
Stupid fishnet arm warmer/sleeve things. Don't have those in my arsenal. Because, number one, I'm a dude, and number 2 because they is dum. And look completely ridiculous.
And they just showed the good girl (is that the proper feminine of Good Guy?) nekkid in the shower, blurred out naughty bits and all. Which is kind of disturbing, given that the wikipedia page says she's supposed to be 15 years old. Luckily for those who don't feel like getting harassed by Chris Hansen, the actress is apparently 24.
Folding Stock AK47: Used to have one
G36: Never had one, don't want one. Too front-heavy. At least in airsoft form.
This good guy is awesome. Just took a 40mm grenade to the chest, and its still alive... Now we just need to get him a sword, and he'll live up to his Stargate Atlantis glory.
And I just realized. The good guy is wearing ACU pants. They look sooper dum. But that's ACU for you.
So, all in all, there were guns, boobs (blurred out of course), shooting and ass-kickery. Not that bad all things considered.
First scene, there's some Uzis, and a Beretta M93r. Good start to the movie, by showing guns that are in my airsoft arsenal. Ooh, a 60 as well.
And somehow a truck that just go hijacked went from a major highway to a one lane country road in a matter of seconds, without turning.
Oh, and Mark Dacascos was on Stargate: Atlantis. He was one of Ronon's "friends" from Sateda who survived, and eventually became wraith worshipers. He was the one who survived to come back in that second episode. But didn't manage to survive long enough to make a three-peat. But things are looking good for his character in this movie. Seeing as how he seems to be the hero, and he just survived getting his car blowed up by a grenade launcher.
And another for the "I have one of those in my airsoft arsenal": a double barreled sawed-off shotgun.
And holy crap. Tig from Sons of Anarchy is a nerdy scientist. Which is completely different from his SoA character, who is an angry violent man. Honestly, if I hadn't seen that show, I probably wouldn't recognize him, as I don't remember seeing him in anything else thus far.
And thus, in the first 5 minutes of the movie I have made more comments than the previous movie. Probably because there're people I recognize, and guns involved... And now there're some boobs as well... Shaping up to be a good movie... Or at least not fantastically terrible. Just sorta terrible....
Apparently the aliens can infect humans or something through the use of multiple Tinkerbells.
And gas prices are $2.15 and 7/10ths per gallon. Never seen 7 tenths before.
M249 Para. That goes in the "Used to have one of those" category.
Apparently, locals, tourists and deadly predators agree that Italians made the best food. Stephen Baldwin in Sharks in Venice on tonight. Expect a review in the future. Because you know how much I just loves Stephen Baldwin.
This movie is the whole alien invasion thing. The good guy is there to say that the aliens back home have found a planet that they can use that doesn't have sentient life, and is trying to prevent the bad guys from going forward with thheir invasion plans.
And this movie is further proof that if you shoot a car enough, it will explode, no matter where you were aiming. In fact she was shooting at the passenger side of a car where the hero was cowering in the drivers seat. And they wonder why they can't kill him...
And apparently these aliens seeded the human race a long time ago, so they're our ancestors or some shit...
Nice hitchhiking scene. Young attractive girl is used as bait. Truck driver stops. Girl climbs in, truck driver's happy. Dude climbs in, trucker not so happy.
MP5K. Got one, but its broke. Need to get around to fixing it.
Stupid fishnet arm warmer/sleeve things. Don't have those in my arsenal. Because, number one, I'm a dude, and number 2 because they is dum. And look completely ridiculous.
And they just showed the good girl (is that the proper feminine of Good Guy?) nekkid in the shower, blurred out naughty bits and all. Which is kind of disturbing, given that the wikipedia page says she's supposed to be 15 years old. Luckily for those who don't feel like getting harassed by Chris Hansen, the actress is apparently 24.
Folding Stock AK47: Used to have one
G36: Never had one, don't want one. Too front-heavy. At least in airsoft form.
This good guy is awesome. Just took a 40mm grenade to the chest, and its still alive... Now we just need to get him a sword, and he'll live up to his Stargate Atlantis glory.
And I just realized. The good guy is wearing ACU pants. They look sooper dum. But that's ACU for you.
So, all in all, there were guns, boobs (blurred out of course), shooting and ass-kickery. Not that bad all things considered.
Earth vs. The Spider
Dan Aykroyd, Devon Gummersall (2001) A security guard injects himself with a top-secret drug that slowly transforms him into a mutant arachnid.
If the DVR is to be believed, Dan Aykroyd's name has to Ys in it. I always figured it was spelled Akroyd...
So, basically it seems like we're going to see a SpiderMan knock off... Except this guy seems to shoot webbing out of the center of his chest. And he seems to be taking the whole Spider part of the name a bit more seriously than Tobey McQuire did. And he looks absurdly dumb with all his prosthetics and stuff.
And now for a return of something that used to be very common: I really have to pee. And now I don't. Ah, the joys of editing and time travel...
Sadly, this movie wasn't even worth talking about. I spent most of the time ignoring it and surfing the web instead...
If the DVR is to be believed, Dan Aykroyd's name has to Ys in it. I always figured it was spelled Akroyd...
So, basically it seems like we're going to see a SpiderMan knock off... Except this guy seems to shoot webbing out of the center of his chest. And he seems to be taking the whole Spider part of the name a bit more seriously than Tobey McQuire did. And he looks absurdly dumb with all his prosthetics and stuff.
And now for a return of something that used to be very common: I really have to pee. And now I don't. Ah, the joys of editing and time travel...
Sadly, this movie wasn't even worth talking about. I spent most of the time ignoring it and surfing the web instead...
Friday, December 12, 2008
3000 Miles To Graceland
Well, it seems i finally got around to taking the pictures off my camera onto my computer. And thus we get to a movie I watched a long time ago.
Remember when I was talking about my Kevin Costner overload? Well, this is that movie that I was referring to, which I needed to get the pictures off my camera to properly review.
However, due to my long delay, I don't remember much about it, or at least, don't feel like writing too much about it.
Anyways, it had Kurt Russell in it as well as the illustrious Mr. Costner. And this scene was too good to resist taking a picture of.
Basically the movie is a crime caper of people dressed like Elvis at an Elvis convention. Hilarity (and shooting) ensues. Then the good guys win, which, interestingly enough isn't Kevin Costner, but instead the good Colonel Jack O'Neil.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
The Librarian: Curse Of The Judas Chalice
Noah Wyle, Bob Newhart (2008) A librarian and a beautiful singer must prevent vampires from taking over the world.
The opening scene is at an auction, which devolves into a swordfight with the bad guy. (Is that proper use of the word devolve?) Anyways, about halfway through they start to argue about their swords, and both come to the consensus that the sword they're using is overpriced.
And dude is currently wearing a shirt that says "I (heart) (pi the mathematical symbol)" where the stuff in the parentheses is the symbols not the words.
And they keep making reference to time traveling ninjas. Apparently it supposedly happened immediately after the first movie, but had already occurred by the time the second movie rolled around. I'm sort of disappointed.
And the main character is quite fantastically smart-ass-ish.
"I've dated older women before. But dead is... new for me". Turns out the "beautifuly singer" is also a vampire. But a good one. Until the potentially inevitable betrayal. Although, there hasn't been an inevitable betrayal in this movie series yet. At least by the female lead. All sorts of other people, yes, but not the female lead.
And it seems that Senator Kelly from X-men is actually a professor of Eastern European studies or something. With gimpy legs.
Bad Guy: "Well, got you again. Honestly, we're not this good. You two kind of suck at sneaking around." This movie's awesome.
And now Senator Kelly's a vampire as well... first he gets all blobby and skooshing through prison bars and stuff, then explodes into water, and now he's a vampire. And somewhere in between he was a murderous doctor on the Battlestar Galactica. This guy gets around...
"I've fought evil in many forms. Approximately 35 forms. Give or take. So you have every reason to be afraid." I am thoroughly enjoying this movie and the randomly humorous lines they've got.
Apparently the mythology of this movie is that Judas Iscariot was the original vampire. Sorta makes a little bit of sense, what with the 30 pieces of silver, and the vampires' aversion to silver and stuff. I wonder if they just made this up for this movie, or if this is actually an established myth.
And they seem to be going for a Blade 2 ending with the watching of the sunrise. Although the vampires in this movie don't explode into embers, but dust. Although their clothes turn to dust too. Doesn't make much sense. With Blad,e, at least you could say that the burning embers burned the clothes too. Ah well, whatever. A good movie nonetheless...
They seem to be setting up the scene for possible sequels. I approve.
The opening scene is at an auction, which devolves into a swordfight with the bad guy. (Is that proper use of the word devolve?) Anyways, about halfway through they start to argue about their swords, and both come to the consensus that the sword they're using is overpriced.
And dude is currently wearing a shirt that says "I (heart) (pi the mathematical symbol)" where the stuff in the parentheses is the symbols not the words.
And they keep making reference to time traveling ninjas. Apparently it supposedly happened immediately after the first movie, but had already occurred by the time the second movie rolled around. I'm sort of disappointed.
And the main character is quite fantastically smart-ass-ish.
"I've dated older women before. But dead is... new for me". Turns out the "beautifuly singer" is also a vampire. But a good one. Until the potentially inevitable betrayal. Although, there hasn't been an inevitable betrayal in this movie series yet. At least by the female lead. All sorts of other people, yes, but not the female lead.
And it seems that Senator Kelly from X-men is actually a professor of Eastern European studies or something. With gimpy legs.
Bad Guy: "Well, got you again. Honestly, we're not this good. You two kind of suck at sneaking around." This movie's awesome.
And now Senator Kelly's a vampire as well... first he gets all blobby and skooshing through prison bars and stuff, then explodes into water, and now he's a vampire. And somewhere in between he was a murderous doctor on the Battlestar Galactica. This guy gets around...
"I've fought evil in many forms. Approximately 35 forms. Give or take. So you have every reason to be afraid." I am thoroughly enjoying this movie and the randomly humorous lines they've got.
Apparently the mythology of this movie is that Judas Iscariot was the original vampire. Sorta makes a little bit of sense, what with the 30 pieces of silver, and the vampires' aversion to silver and stuff. I wonder if they just made this up for this movie, or if this is actually an established myth.
And they seem to be going for a Blade 2 ending with the watching of the sunrise. Although the vampires in this movie don't explode into embers, but dust. Although their clothes turn to dust too. Doesn't make much sense. With Blad,e, at least you could say that the burning embers burned the clothes too. Ah well, whatever. A good movie nonetheless...
They seem to be setting up the scene for possible sequels. I approve.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
The Librarian: Return to King Solomon's Mines
Noah Wyle, Gabrielle Anwar (2006) An adventurer and a brilliant archaeologist use a map to search for the fabled mines of King Solomon
Dude's boss' advice when dude is leaving on a mission:
"Don't get killed. And save your receipts."
In case you were wondering, Gabrielle Anwar is the actress who plays Fiona on Burn Notice. A good show.
And the villain seems to be Erick Avari AKA Kasuf from Stargate.
And apparently Hippos like chocolate. You should probably keep that in mind for future reference.
As you can probably tell, if I'm enjoying a movie, I seem to write a lot less about it, as I'm busy watching, rather than trying to find something else to do...
The opening credits for this movie say "TNT Presents". So I guess TNT is thus far 2 for 2 on good movies. Which is in stark contrast to movies that start with "Sci Fi Pictures Present". Which are probably, oh, say... maybe 2 for 200000.
And apparently bats' first instinct when encountering someone on fire is to swarm around him, and seemingly run the risk of getting set on fire themselves...
And they're advertising the hell out of The Day The Earth Stood Still. I'm still rather interested to see what they're going to do with it.
Again, a rather enjoyable movie. I'd have to say that the first one was a bit more fun, but this was pretty good. Again, worth a watch.
Dude's boss' advice when dude is leaving on a mission:
"Don't get killed. And save your receipts."
In case you were wondering, Gabrielle Anwar is the actress who plays Fiona on Burn Notice. A good show.
And the villain seems to be Erick Avari AKA Kasuf from Stargate.
And apparently Hippos like chocolate. You should probably keep that in mind for future reference.
As you can probably tell, if I'm enjoying a movie, I seem to write a lot less about it, as I'm busy watching, rather than trying to find something else to do...
The opening credits for this movie say "TNT Presents". So I guess TNT is thus far 2 for 2 on good movies. Which is in stark contrast to movies that start with "Sci Fi Pictures Present". Which are probably, oh, say... maybe 2 for 200000.
And apparently bats' first instinct when encountering someone on fire is to swarm around him, and seemingly run the risk of getting set on fire themselves...
And they're advertising the hell out of The Day The Earth Stood Still. I'm still rather interested to see what they're going to do with it.
Again, a rather enjoyable movie. I'd have to say that the first one was a bit more fun, but this was pretty good. Again, worth a watch.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
The Librarian: Quest for the Spear
Noah Wyle, Kyle MacLachlan (2004) A caretaker beneath a metropolitan library protects magical artifacts from those who would use them to do evil.
TNT was showing three of these movies in a row. So, apparently its a series. I'll be watching them all in turn, and probably reviewing them. According to Wikipedia, this series "draws from several classic action movies and westerns, such as the Indiana Jones series, Macgyver", I'm sold. And apparently copying sections from Wikipedia makes the links come along. And its produced by Dean Devlin who was the producer and writer of the Stargate movie. Doubly sold.
Apparently the main character has 22 degrees or something. And now he's being kicked out of school because his professor doesn't approve of his professional student-ness.
Kind of sad about the lack of Hat thus far. They did, however, steal the Ark of the Covenant from Indiana Jones. Got new poles though. They're gold, rather than the wood that we saw when he found it.
And yet, although they seem to be rather versed in their history, they are referring to the Sword in the Stone as Excalibur. However, Excalibur was not the sword that Arthur drew from the stone, as the Lady of the Lake gave Arthur Excalibur once he was already king.
This guy seems to have a very nice blend of irreverence, smart-ass-itude, and general all around bumbling-ness to make him a rather interesting hero. He kind of reminds me of Mal Reynolds...
They've got some ridiculous problems with physics and stuff, but I don't really care, because this movie is kinda fun.
The CG isn't very good, but its a damn sight better than the stuff that SciFi Saturday has brought us.
This movie is awesomely ridiculous. To get through a trap, our intrepid heroes had to waltz through. Literally.
He really reminds me of Mal. Even sort of sounds like him. Similar speech pattern and a similar voice. Not an exact match, but pretty close.
I wonder if that's why I'm enjoying this movie, even though its got all sorts of problems with gravity, and physics and all sorts of other stuff. Whatever it is, this movie is far superior to most of the other filth that I've reviewed lately.
And the guy just said that he's been "cahooted". He is definitely from the Mal Reynolds School of Action Hero Awesomeness.
Oh, by the way, the Spear referred to in the title is the Spear of Destiny. Just thought you might want to know.
And they just got into a big fight, and the first move one of the good guys did was to kick a bad guy in the dick. This movie is so gloriously random. And now there's a Kill Bill-esque standoff between 2 female characters. With similar music and everything...
I'm rather looking forward to the 2 next movies in this trilogy. Hopefully they keep up the glorious randomness of this movie... Definitely woth a watch, if you ever come across it.
And PS. The Love Interest Woman drives a BMW Dual Sport motorcycle.
TNT was showing three of these movies in a row. So, apparently its a series. I'll be watching them all in turn, and probably reviewing them. According to Wikipedia, this series "draws from several classic action movies and westerns, such as the Indiana Jones series, Macgyver", I'm sold. And apparently copying sections from Wikipedia makes the links come along. And its produced by Dean Devlin who was the producer and writer of the Stargate movie. Doubly sold.
Apparently the main character has 22 degrees or something. And now he's being kicked out of school because his professor doesn't approve of his professional student-ness.
Kind of sad about the lack of Hat thus far. They did, however, steal the Ark of the Covenant from Indiana Jones. Got new poles though. They're gold, rather than the wood that we saw when he found it.
And yet, although they seem to be rather versed in their history, they are referring to the Sword in the Stone as Excalibur. However, Excalibur was not the sword that Arthur drew from the stone, as the Lady of the Lake gave Arthur Excalibur once he was already king.
This guy seems to have a very nice blend of irreverence, smart-ass-itude, and general all around bumbling-ness to make him a rather interesting hero. He kind of reminds me of Mal Reynolds...
They've got some ridiculous problems with physics and stuff, but I don't really care, because this movie is kinda fun.
The CG isn't very good, but its a damn sight better than the stuff that SciFi Saturday has brought us.
This movie is awesomely ridiculous. To get through a trap, our intrepid heroes had to waltz through. Literally.
He really reminds me of Mal. Even sort of sounds like him. Similar speech pattern and a similar voice. Not an exact match, but pretty close.
I wonder if that's why I'm enjoying this movie, even though its got all sorts of problems with gravity, and physics and all sorts of other stuff. Whatever it is, this movie is far superior to most of the other filth that I've reviewed lately.
And the guy just said that he's been "cahooted". He is definitely from the Mal Reynolds School of Action Hero Awesomeness.
Oh, by the way, the Spear referred to in the title is the Spear of Destiny. Just thought you might want to know.
And they just got into a big fight, and the first move one of the good guys did was to kick a bad guy in the dick. This movie is so gloriously random. And now there's a Kill Bill-esque standoff between 2 female characters. With similar music and everything...
I'm rather looking forward to the 2 next movies in this trilogy. Hopefully they keep up the glorious randomness of this movie... Definitely woth a watch, if you ever come across it.
And PS. The Love Interest Woman drives a BMW Dual Sport motorcycle.
Cyclops
Eric Roberts, Frida Farrell (2008) A corrupt emperor forces a soldier to fight a single-eyed giant in a gladiatorial arena.
Sci Fi Friday movie from 12/6
Well, they seem to have kept the fact that the cyclops keeps sheep from the myth. However, it seems to take place in ancient Rome, rather than Greece.
I wonder if the actors were quite this terrible in Homer's original.
Speaking of Homer, the song The Odyssey by Symphony X is downright awesome. 24 minutes long and pretty much tells the whole story. Fantastic song from a fantastic band. But that's neither here nor there.
Sometimes people fighting hand-to hand vs a CG monster is done well. Other times, really, really badly. This is one of those bad times...
And everyone seems to have some sort of british/english/scottish/whatever accent. Its kind of strange.
I'm probably less than halfway through, and I think I can safely say: Don't ever watch this movie. Its downright terrible. With a capital TERRIBLE.
And apparently Roman Centurions wear sweatpants. FYI. And I'm pretty sure they were called centurions because there were about 100 of them. Not 12. Their tactics might be a bit more useful, if they, say, used tactics. Or maybe had enough dudes.
And now there's been a slave uprising. Of 5 slaves.
Why isn't this movie over yet? It feels like I've been watching it for years. Seriously? I'm only half done? Good lord.
Oh, and they just crucified some guy for being in the slave revolt. I thought that the whole point of crucifixion was a public execution. They crucified the guy on some random-ass back road. Seems to defeat the purpose.
And the soldier guy was given the choice of decimation of his forces, or he could volunteer to be a gladiator as punishment. When they talked about the decimation, they had every other man step forward and kneel, and the remaining men were to execute the people kneeling. I'm pretty sure that decimation was the killing of one tenth of a force, not half. Hence the prefix "deci". Perhaps I'm putting too much thought into this travesty.
And though they are in Rome, it seems that the Coliseum has gotten a lot smaller. looks to be about maybe 5 rows of seating.
Oh, and in addition to shitty CG, the ADR in this movie is downright terrible. Same with that Supergator thing earlier.
Did I mention that the fight scenes with live action people vs the CG cyclops were terrible. Because they are downright horrible.
By the way, Shut up Jane Seymour.
Just stab yourself in the eye and save yourself the trouble of watching this filth.
OK, never mind. Its not just the dude fighting the cyclops that's terrible. Now we've got 2 dudes fighting each other. And its a terrible fight scene. Very poorly choreographed, and just generally all around sucks.
I don't know if this movie is that terrible, or if its just that I had a stupid day at work. Probably a little of column A, little of column B.
And it looks like Michael Shanks is in a Sci-Fi Saturday movie at some point in the future. I'm looking forward to it. That preview has been the highlight of the movie thus far. And I fast forwarded through half of it...
I'm pretty sure that you know how I feel about this movie. So I'm gonna hit "Publish Post" now, even before the movie ends. Because I'm pretty sure that no matter what kind of awesome ending this movie might have in store, it can't make up for the pure filth that was the rest of the movie.
OK, never mind, as I was writing that, the cyclops just got his eye speared out by the bad guy. So now the good guy's totally gonna get all stabby on his ass. Or maybe just decapitate him.
Either or.
So, basically, this was SciFi's answer to Gladiator. Similar plot, except for the whole cyclops thing. That and the sucking.
Sci Fi Friday movie from 12/6
Well, they seem to have kept the fact that the cyclops keeps sheep from the myth. However, it seems to take place in ancient Rome, rather than Greece.
I wonder if the actors were quite this terrible in Homer's original.
Speaking of Homer, the song The Odyssey by Symphony X is downright awesome. 24 minutes long and pretty much tells the whole story. Fantastic song from a fantastic band. But that's neither here nor there.
Sometimes people fighting hand-to hand vs a CG monster is done well. Other times, really, really badly. This is one of those bad times...
And everyone seems to have some sort of british/english/scottish/whatever accent. Its kind of strange.
I'm probably less than halfway through, and I think I can safely say: Don't ever watch this movie. Its downright terrible. With a capital TERRIBLE.
And apparently Roman Centurions wear sweatpants. FYI. And I'm pretty sure they were called centurions because there were about 100 of them. Not 12. Their tactics might be a bit more useful, if they, say, used tactics. Or maybe had enough dudes.
And now there's been a slave uprising. Of 5 slaves.
Why isn't this movie over yet? It feels like I've been watching it for years. Seriously? I'm only half done? Good lord.
Oh, and they just crucified some guy for being in the slave revolt. I thought that the whole point of crucifixion was a public execution. They crucified the guy on some random-ass back road. Seems to defeat the purpose.
And the soldier guy was given the choice of decimation of his forces, or he could volunteer to be a gladiator as punishment. When they talked about the decimation, they had every other man step forward and kneel, and the remaining men were to execute the people kneeling. I'm pretty sure that decimation was the killing of one tenth of a force, not half. Hence the prefix "deci". Perhaps I'm putting too much thought into this travesty.
And though they are in Rome, it seems that the Coliseum has gotten a lot smaller. looks to be about maybe 5 rows of seating.
Oh, and in addition to shitty CG, the ADR in this movie is downright terrible. Same with that Supergator thing earlier.
Did I mention that the fight scenes with live action people vs the CG cyclops were terrible. Because they are downright horrible.
By the way, Shut up Jane Seymour.
Just stab yourself in the eye and save yourself the trouble of watching this filth.
OK, never mind. Its not just the dude fighting the cyclops that's terrible. Now we've got 2 dudes fighting each other. And its a terrible fight scene. Very poorly choreographed, and just generally all around sucks.
I don't know if this movie is that terrible, or if its just that I had a stupid day at work. Probably a little of column A, little of column B.
And it looks like Michael Shanks is in a Sci-Fi Saturday movie at some point in the future. I'm looking forward to it. That preview has been the highlight of the movie thus far. And I fast forwarded through half of it...
I'm pretty sure that you know how I feel about this movie. So I'm gonna hit "Publish Post" now, even before the movie ends. Because I'm pretty sure that no matter what kind of awesome ending this movie might have in store, it can't make up for the pure filth that was the rest of the movie.
OK, never mind, as I was writing that, the cyclops just got his eye speared out by the bad guy. So now the good guy's totally gonna get all stabby on his ass. Or maybe just decapitate him.
Either or.
So, basically, this was SciFi's answer to Gladiator. Similar plot, except for the whole cyclops thing. That and the sucking.
Supergator some more
So, scantily clad woman is still alive. I should probably be keeping track of all the people who die in between her getting introduced, and her potentially inevitable death. I guess her continued survival indicates that the people who made this movie know their target audience quite well.
So now some dude has come across scantily clad woman and suggested they make a run for it. But since she was going to stay, he ended up staying as well. And they then encountered the supergator. Their fate is still up in the air. I'm kind of hoping she survives. Because the scantily clad women never do in these kind of movies...
Some dude just shot the supergator thing, and it screamed and ran away. The dude later said something to the effect of "the bullet didn't faze that thing at all". I'm pretty sure screaming and running away is a pretty decent sign of being fazed.
And some peron just started screaming well before she got bit.
I'm getting tired of crocodile movies. Looks like next week is more shark themed.
Oh, and PS, this movie takes place in Hawaii. Where its warm.
New scantily clad woman. Already dead. Nowhere near as survivable as the first one.
And this guy has a magical shotgun. One moment its a short barreled one with a top folding stock, while in the next scene its got a longer barrel and no stock. Strangely enough in the scenes where he's shooting (and thus you think he'd actually want the stock) he has the one without the stock. Basically any scene where he's not shooting, he's got the top-folder. Probably because the top folder is one of these, and doesn't actually eject shells. You don't see many shotguns with removable magazines these days.
And somehow they blew up the gator. Something involving propane and a fake volcano. I really don't even understand or care at this point.
And because the main characters were supposedly vulcanologists, they decided to end the movie with some shots of eruptions and lava and stuff. Never mind the fact that there was none of that in the movie...
So now some dude has come across scantily clad woman and suggested they make a run for it. But since she was going to stay, he ended up staying as well. And they then encountered the supergator. Their fate is still up in the air. I'm kind of hoping she survives. Because the scantily clad women never do in these kind of movies...
Some dude just shot the supergator thing, and it screamed and ran away. The dude later said something to the effect of "the bullet didn't faze that thing at all". I'm pretty sure screaming and running away is a pretty decent sign of being fazed.
And some peron just started screaming well before she got bit.
I'm getting tired of crocodile movies. Looks like next week is more shark themed.
Oh, and PS, this movie takes place in Hawaii. Where its warm.
New scantily clad woman. Already dead. Nowhere near as survivable as the first one.
And this guy has a magical shotgun. One moment its a short barreled one with a top folding stock, while in the next scene its got a longer barrel and no stock. Strangely enough in the scenes where he's shooting (and thus you think he'd actually want the stock) he has the one without the stock. Basically any scene where he's not shooting, he's got the top-folder. Probably because the top folder is one of these, and doesn't actually eject shells. You don't see many shotguns with removable magazines these days.
And somehow they blew up the gator. Something involving propane and a fake volcano. I really don't even understand or care at this point.
And because the main characters were supposedly vulcanologists, they decided to end the movie with some shots of eruptions and lava and stuff. Never mind the fact that there was none of that in the movie...
Monday, December 8, 2008
My Knife
My knife is weird. I lost the thumb stud things about a year ago, and then found them about 3 months later, sitting on the floor of the lab at work.
Recently I lost them again. I found one of them on the floor of my office, and the other one on the floor of my room at home.
I is confused.
Recently I lost them again. I found one of them on the floor of my office, and the other one on the floor of my room at home.
I is confused.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Fringe from a while ago
Someone just jumped out a window of a sky-scraper, and there was an interesting scene of him falling. Very interesting musical selection.
And apparently this episode has someone named "Ptolemy Slocum". Perhaps another name for one of my future offspring? We shall see.
And apparently this episode has someone named "Ptolemy Slocum". Perhaps another name for one of my future offspring? We shall see.
Supergator
One of the early scenes has 2 scantily clad women running through the forest away from some sort of "Supergator". Can't complain about this movie thus far. Well, maybe the photographer guy, but he got eaten, so I guess its all good...
And they seem to keep bringing back the one scantily clad survivor as they proceed with a few other plot lines.
And now for a pause.
And they seem to keep bringing back the one scantily clad survivor as they proceed with a few other plot lines.
And now for a pause.
Croc
Something about Thailand and Crocodiles.
I'll stick with the following for my review:
Add a "K" to the end of the title, and its pretty accurate.
Although they did make use of a wire rig in the water (you know where people get blown up by and end up flying through the air? Its that thing). Can't remember what its actually called, as I haven't watched any Stargate Director Commentaries lately. But it was interesting to see that wire rig used in the water. Probably be a bit uncomfortable, but I figure its no worse than me attempting to water ski...
I'll stick with the following for my review:
Add a "K" to the end of the title, and its pretty accurate.
Although they did make use of a wire rig in the water (you know where people get blown up by and end up flying through the air? Its that thing). Can't remember what its actually called, as I haven't watched any Stargate Director Commentaries lately. But it was interesting to see that wire rig used in the water. Probably be a bit uncomfortable, but I figure its no worse than me attempting to water ski...
The Day The Earth Stood Still
OK. So its apparently a re-make. From the trailer, pretty much all I can tell is that there's an alien and Gort still exists.
But beyond that it looks completely different.
The guy who played Klaatu in the original worked as an alien, because he was really tall and really skinny, and his face made him look slightly alien. Keanu Reeves as the new Klaatu doesn't have that same alien look.
I'm intrigued, mainly because I'm curious how they manage to fit everything that happens in the trailer into the context of the original film.
But beyond that it looks completely different.
The guy who played Klaatu in the original worked as an alien, because he was really tall and really skinny, and his face made him look slightly alien. Keanu Reeves as the new Klaatu doesn't have that same alien look.
I'm intrigued, mainly because I'm curious how they manage to fit everything that happens in the trailer into the context of the original film.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Crocodile 2: Death Roll
Heidi Noelle Lenhart, Chuck Walczak (2001) A giant crocodile stalks a band of criminals after their plane crashes in a Mexican swamp.
This plane offers a rather impressively large collection of alcohol on their beverage cart. And the cockpit has relatively few instruments. Certainly about less than half of the instruments of any cockpit I've seen.
And the bad guys just hijacked the plane. And the guy who ended up pointing a gun at the captain had a gun which had the slide locked about halfway back. Pretty sure that's kind of a problem...
And the hijacker with the accent is wearing a shirt that reveals his midriff. Pretty sure those types of shirts are generally reserved for chicks... Or at least they should be.
Apparently if an airliner crash-lands in water it will hit the water, coast for a bit, and then abruptly break in half. The tail section of the plane will explode for no apparent reason, and the front will keep coasting along for a while. The front of the plane will then be filled with a fireball, but no one seems to be seriously burned. Bad as that may seem, I'm pretty sure that's the most rousing endorsement for sitting in the front of the plane that I've ever seen.
And some guy's in the process of getting et by a crocodile. And he keeps alternating between having his left and right arms torn off... and now someone just got et for having the gall of taunting the crocodile from a 2nd story window.
And now for a bit of raping... Which has been prevented by the timely intervention of a huge effing crocodile. Because I don't think I mentioned the bigness of the crocodile just yet...
Apparently the director is from the "shake the camera a bunch and add some bad CG" school of film-making. Which generally turns out poorly.... And he also likes to film scenes and then play them back in some weird hybrid of slo-mo and regular, with a bit of hi-speed going on as well... Its weird as hell.
"Guns don't kill people. People kill people."
And the climax of the movie seems to revolve around the fact that this dude gave his girlfriend a shitty Zippo that's really inconsistent about lighting when you really need it to... But alas, it seems they have prevailed by blowing up the crocodile with a combination of gasoline and swamp gasses. Or gases? I dunno. Or honestly care for that matter.
And due to the joys of a lack of continuity, even though there are some scenes taking place a short while later, they're all healed, and their facial lacerations and shit are all gone... Yay!
This plane offers a rather impressively large collection of alcohol on their beverage cart. And the cockpit has relatively few instruments. Certainly about less than half of the instruments of any cockpit I've seen.
And the bad guys just hijacked the plane. And the guy who ended up pointing a gun at the captain had a gun which had the slide locked about halfway back. Pretty sure that's kind of a problem...
And the hijacker with the accent is wearing a shirt that reveals his midriff. Pretty sure those types of shirts are generally reserved for chicks... Or at least they should be.
Apparently if an airliner crash-lands in water it will hit the water, coast for a bit, and then abruptly break in half. The tail section of the plane will explode for no apparent reason, and the front will keep coasting along for a while. The front of the plane will then be filled with a fireball, but no one seems to be seriously burned. Bad as that may seem, I'm pretty sure that's the most rousing endorsement for sitting in the front of the plane that I've ever seen.
And some guy's in the process of getting et by a crocodile. And he keeps alternating between having his left and right arms torn off... and now someone just got et for having the gall of taunting the crocodile from a 2nd story window.
And now for a bit of raping... Which has been prevented by the timely intervention of a huge effing crocodile. Because I don't think I mentioned the bigness of the crocodile just yet...
Apparently the director is from the "shake the camera a bunch and add some bad CG" school of film-making. Which generally turns out poorly.... And he also likes to film scenes and then play them back in some weird hybrid of slo-mo and regular, with a bit of hi-speed going on as well... Its weird as hell.
"Guns don't kill people. People kill people."
And the climax of the movie seems to revolve around the fact that this dude gave his girlfriend a shitty Zippo that's really inconsistent about lighting when you really need it to... But alas, it seems they have prevailed by blowing up the crocodile with a combination of gasoline and swamp gasses. Or gases? I dunno. Or honestly care for that matter.
And due to the joys of a lack of continuity, even though there are some scenes taking place a short while later, they're all healed, and their facial lacerations and shit are all gone... Yay!
Desperation
Sci-Fi Saturday movie from a week or 2 ago.
Based on the Stephen King book of the same name. Pretty much the same as the book, from what I can remember. No real differences I could remember from when I read it (which was quite some time ago).
I'd never imagined Ron Perlman playing Collie Entragian or however you spell that. The sheriff guy. He's supposed to be massive, but even though they shoot it so it looks like he is rather large, I just never really got the impression that he was as massive as the book made him out to be. Maybe because I knew that he was Ron Perlman, and I've never really thought of him as a very large man. Although he is 6'1". So, not too terrifically big, but decently tall, I guess.
Based on the Stephen King book of the same name. Pretty much the same as the book, from what I can remember. No real differences I could remember from when I read it (which was quite some time ago).
I'd never imagined Ron Perlman playing Collie Entragian or however you spell that. The sheriff guy. He's supposed to be massive, but even though they shoot it so it looks like he is rather large, I just never really got the impression that he was as massive as the book made him out to be. Maybe because I knew that he was Ron Perlman, and I've never really thought of him as a very large man. Although he is 6'1". So, not too terrifically big, but decently tall, I guess.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Rocky V
Probably the most compelling fight scene in the whole Rocky series (aside from the new one, which I haven't seen yet), is the final fight from Rocky V. Its a street fight between Rocky and his former pupil Tommy Gunn.
Basically, the fight scene isn't Rocky vs. some ridiculous stereotype or just general all around crazy person. Its a person who you actually know, and have made at least some small connection with through the course of the movie. Granted Gunn is an all around jerk to Rocky, and thus deserves to get his ass beat, but you, as the viewer, still have a connection with him. For the first 4, pretty much all you saw of the adversary was a training montage, and the pre-fight press conference. So, basically, you had an over-the-top Carl Weathers for 2 movies, Mr. T and Dolph Lundgren for the other 2.
And the 5th one was the one that didn't follow the same formula as the others. Namely: Rocky has some sort of challenge, starts to train, kind of sucks at it, and then Adrian shows up, he starts to train much better, and then eventually prevails in the fight.
Basically, the fight scene isn't Rocky vs. some ridiculous stereotype or just general all around crazy person. Its a person who you actually know, and have made at least some small connection with through the course of the movie. Granted Gunn is an all around jerk to Rocky, and thus deserves to get his ass beat, but you, as the viewer, still have a connection with him. For the first 4, pretty much all you saw of the adversary was a training montage, and the pre-fight press conference. So, basically, you had an over-the-top Carl Weathers for 2 movies, Mr. T and Dolph Lundgren for the other 2.
And the 5th one was the one that didn't follow the same formula as the others. Namely: Rocky has some sort of challenge, starts to train, kind of sucks at it, and then Adrian shows up, he starts to train much better, and then eventually prevails in the fight.
And We're Back
So, will we ever find out if my blog posting stopped due to me holding it hostage, or due to the fact that our cable modemy thing died, and we had to buy a new one?
No, probably not.
No, probably not.
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