Annihilation Earth

Luke Goss, Marina Sirtis (2009) Two scientists must save the planet when terrorists destroy a supercollider.

Syfy Saturday movie from 12/12.

Well, I guess it was only a matter of time before the whole "Oh, no! Supercolliders" thing showed up in a bad scifi movie.

Also, this is now my favorite movie ever, solely because of the first scene. Marina Sirtis with a "southern" accent. Thing is, she didnt' actually get rid of her other accent, so its a combination of Counselor Troi and some random southern-ness. As in, the beginning of the sentence will be straight Counselor Troi, and the end will be strangely southern. Its fantastic!

Oh, no! The teetotaler is drinking beer! Something terrible is about to happen. Also, the teetotaler in question happens to be Colin Salmon. Also known as that black British guy in some of the James Bond movies. M's assistant. Or someone hanging around M for no apparent reason... But, I'm guessing that he has a reason to be there, because he certainly had a lot of lines, and no one seemed to be too bothered by him being there.

And terrorists just blew up a quarter of France by blowing up a collider. And people seem to care. Science fiction, indeed!

But, sadly, I haven't really started to care about any of the other characters. Just Counselor Southern Troi. And she doesn't seem to show up enough. Probably going to end up being the person behind everything, too. Right now, she's just just the boss in charge of the network of Super-colliders.

Also, one of the main characters (Aptly named Baldy by me) has an underling with a really big chin. Not David Coulthard style (really wide jaw), but really long. Vertically. Couple him with Coulthard, and you'd probably have the biggest face ever.

Also, check out last week's episode of Top Gear. The one where they do the art gallery thing. The Formula 1 driver who assists Clarkson in his paintballs-through-the-F1-Car painting is David Coulthard. And Clarkson does make fun of Coulthard's chin. When he's introducing Coulthard, he fakes like he's going to introduce the Stig with the "Some say..." style of introduction. Something to the effect of "Some say he has a gigantic chin. Well, because he does... Ladies and Gentlemen: David Coulthard." And apparently the British pronunciation of the name involves pronouncing the "th" sound. I've always gone with "Cool-tard".

So, check it out.

And Giganto-Chin may have just been obliterated by a satellite falling from the sky. Damned Earth's magnetic field. Being all magneticy. Or something. I really wasn't paying attention when the described why exactly the satellites were falling. And why they all seemed to be aimed at the main characters.

And once again, all of the main characters' female coworkers are all rather well endowed. And all wearing tank tops for no apparent reason.

And in case you were wondering, you better hope that the International Space Station never gets sucked into the atmosphere by magnetic fields. Because it'll clone itself. And then there's a shit-ton of debris falling from the skies.

And Colin Salmon may have just dick-stabbed a terrorist with a pen. And then chucked him out a window into the depths of the collider innards.

And then they solved the problem. Or thought they did. And then the world blew up.

Because they didn't listen to Colin Salmon. Because they thought he was a terrorist. But he wasn't because he dick-stabbed the terrorist.

So, the moral of this story is: Listen to people who dick-stab terrorists, or the world will blow up.

Important words of wisdom...