Stonehenge Apocalypse

Misha Collins, Hill Harper (2010) Disaster strikes when the megaliths in England's Salisbury Plain start to shift.

Syfy Saturday movie from 6/12.

Among the scientists investigating the megaliths (with British Accents) are Dr. Weir from SG: Atlantis, and Tanith from SG1.

And now a random interlude from my brother as I go wash some grapes for eatin'.

And now there's lightning! I love lightning! Especially when contained in insects.

Suddenly, the scene has shifted to some crazy Mexican pyramid. This pyramid has subsequently ass-ploded. Note the spelling, as this movie is quickly looking to be a festering pile of ass. Apparently this ass-plosion was seen from space. Well, if by seen in space, you mean horribly CGed.

Also, I'm going to dress up as a chimpanzee and start a gardening show. I'll call it "Hairy Potter."

Old School Land Rovers are cool. Especially with the tire on the hood, which will undoubtedly introduce tire to one's diet in the event of a full frontal collision.

The guy in the red hat has an awesome moustache. And he's British! Sir British Moustache Von Awesomehat. Additionally, this is about the level of research when it comes to accents. They are all crap.

That was the second wand reference in as many minutes. That's almost disturbing.

And now I'm back...

Also, I apparently spoke too soon about Dr. Weir's accent. It seems she's only really got half an accent. Or an accent half of the time.

Mmmm. Grapes.

And using some incredibly random algorithm and computer program to generate a seemingly arbitrary countdown. Apparently something random and incredibly awesome will happen in about 37 hours. And I'm hoping that there'll be a bit of fast-forwarding on the part of this movie, because damned if I want to stay here for 37 hours.

And Dr. Moustache has returned for no apparent reason, and is leaving again.

And it would seem that there's an ancient pyramid somewhere in Maine. Or at least that's what this guy's theory seems to be. No wonder everyone's referring to him as a crackpot.

"Increase Pulse Bounce!". I have no idea what that means. But it does seem to be a pretty decent command. And now the return signal is bouncing back too strongly. And is about to fry the radar. Guess that'll show Tanith for telling Ignatius the Technician to continuously increase the pulse bounce.

And this movie is reinforcing the stereotype that the British will turn to the U.S. at the first sign of trouble. An ancient monument moves a bit, and blows up one helicopter, and then an American 1-star General shows up. And promptly tries to destroy Stonehenge.

And now my reviews might suffer a bit, as I am now folding my laundry.

Apparently Ignatius the Technician's name is actually David. I think I'll stick to Ignatius.

"I never said they found aliens on the moon. It was a robot head." Not helping your cause there, Doctor Crackpot.

And now a pyramid in Indonesia has blowed up. Seems to be related, as it seems to be happening every 10 hours or so. Which they have noticed because the timer just hit 30 hours. Even though the timer started at 37 hours. Also, apparently Indonesia has just been flattened. Somehow a single volcanic eruption has "flattened" a country that consists of 17,508 distinct islands. (Thank you, Wikipedia).

And it would appear that Major Moustache is actually a bigger part in this than it would have initially appeared.

And now the American wants to nuke Stonehenge. I think I shall now refer to this man as General Stereotype.

And now we're back to aliens. As Dr. Crackpot seems to think that Stonehenge is being terraformed. OK, maybe not aliens. It would appear that Stonhenge is part of the machine that created life on the Earth. And now its been turned on again, or something.

And thanks to the scientists in this movie, and this movie's "scientific advisors", if there were any, sound is now part of the electromagnetic spectrum. Its got a longer wavelength than visible light, in case you cared.

More laundry folding.

And in the awesome science of this movie, current is measured in Gauss. Which apparently should be written gauss.

Here, hide in the bad guys' truck. They'll never expect it... Again, not really doing so well for yourself, Crackpot.

Sadly Mr. Moustache is a terrible shot. And has now been deaded by the baddies. And now that he's dead, I shall no longer need to come up with new and different titles for him. It was getting a bit tiring coming up with new and exciting ones.

Also, Crackpot traveled a very long way to collect some artifact from a museum, and then when push came to shove, he decided that he'd use the priceless, unreplaceable, deus-ex-machina-ful artifact to bash some guy's face.

And I am thoroughly enjoying the random tire squeals. Caused by a truck driving down a road. A straight road. While not changing speed.

And for the first time in Bad SciFi Movie history, shooting something with a 40mm grenade actually had the intended effect. Quite surprising.

And Ignatius may actually be a bad guy. But I suppose we should have been tipped off by the cargo shorts, Long-sleeved Button-down shirt, and sweater vest combo he's rocking. I say he may be the bad guy, because I'm not 100% sure that its actually Ignatius. Could be some other random-ass British guy. Can't be certain. But I'm hoping.

Also, the people who did the CG for this movie really have issues with scale and size of objects.

Upon further review, the cargo shorts in question are somewhere between shorts and manpris. I'm not actually sure which. But I guess I'll go with shorts, as that was my first instinct.