The Terminators

A Martinez, Jeremy London (2009) A small-town lawman leads the fight for survival when a military defense network sends its army of deadly cyborgs on a mission to wipe out humanity.

Syfy Saturday movie from 8/15.

So, the first few scenes had some CG stuff and space ships and stuff. And then it became an earth-bound story. So, they likely blew their entire effects budget in those first few scenes, in an attempt to intrigue the viewer. Lets see how well they manage to hold the viewer's interest.

And the robit just slammed some guy's head against some sort of podium/table/thing. And it exploded well before the guy's head hit the thing.

Also, the robit weapon of choice seems to be the Auto9. Which you might remember as the Robocop gun. And for some reason, some random woman civilian has an MP5K.

And I guess they can save on the prosthetics by just adding in some spark things where the robits get hit by gunfire. That way you don't have to deal with flesh wounds that are probably pretty costly to make. So, instead the robits don't seem to have the meaty outside that their more famous and Austrian cousins seem to have.

But sadly, none of the TR-5s (the robits) has said a word yet, so we can't accurately judge their Austrian-ness.

Also, apparently women are incapable of doing more than one thing at a time. One of the fellow survivors believes that this woman should concentrate on driving the escape van, and wait to call her husband until later. But sadly, her husband is already dead. But she doesn't know that. And her husband was about to commit adultery, but was shot by a robit. So, the chance of blurred Syfy boobs was ruined by the timely (or perhaps untimely) intervention of a TR-5.

Also, aren't TR-5s some sort of car made by Triumph? Or maybe a motorcycle? Oh, damn! I'm awesome. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triumph_TR5. How bout them apples?

Also, it seems that they were right do doubt the woman's ability to multitask. Looks like she just passed the same piece of road 3 or more times. And then drove into a lake. Stupid woman drivers...

Seems to be a Battlestar Galactica type thing. With the angry avenging robits and stuff. Only with significantly less Captain Apollo Memorial Gigantic Jawbones. Speaking of which, what has Jamie Bamber done with his life and gigantic jawbone lately? And apparently the answer to that question is "nothing".

Also, apparently this movie stars a Martinez. Not sure which one; just one of them... Man, I'm hilarious. And apparently "A" in A Martinez stands for Adolfo.

Oh, by the way, this movie is one of those movies by The Asylum. In case you hadn't figured it out by the fact that the title resembles a famous movie ever so slightly. Just a little bit. Even though the plot doesn't seem to resemble the similarly titled movie.

Apparently there's a space station 51 kilometers above the Earth in the mesosphere. Congrats to The Asylum on actually getting the distance and section of the atmosphere correct. But sadly, even though 51 kilometers and mesosphere seem to match, the mesosphere is too low for any sort of orbital spacecraft. Low-earth orbit apparently begins at around 160 kilometers above the earth.

And this one woman seems to jiggle far too much for the transportation that they're on. First she was rocking back and forth far too much for the van-ride, and then again in the spaceship.

And when you're scouting out a place that you haven't been before, that is potentially craawling with baddies, would you want you pointman incessantly facing backwards and checking your six?

And when you're driving the escape truck, wouldn't you want the guy who has the only weapon that can damage the robits to be shooting, rather than driving? I'm just sayin'.

And they're making really weird use of echoes during the fight scenes. And now the vibration-tastic woman seems to be dead. The robit probably got fed up with her random vibrating, and tore her innards out.

And then I stopped paying attention, and started researching the moon landing for some reason. Why? I'm not really sure. Probably started with looking up the Mesosphere, which lead me to Low Earth Orbit, which eventually led to Apollo 11. Somehow I get the feeling I didn't miss too much.

Although it seems that Crappy Driver Woman has now met up with Crappy Driver Woman's husband's mistress. I don't think that Crappy Driver Woman realizes their connection, though...

Apparently A Martinez was a robit all along. FYI.

And then I started reading about random Transformers. Probably got there due to Jetfire at the Udvar-Hazy annex of the Air and Space Museum.

And now there's a big bad robit. Which looks very much like the new-style Cylons with the old-style face. Only without the iconic pulsating red eye. That's probably copyrighted or something.

In other news, I've decided that I never want to go to a space station. Seems they make too much noise. And have way to many killer robits.

Also, the two main female characters, who seem to be the main overall characters as well, are really annoying. FYI.

And then the movie just ended. With no real conclusion. They just sort of pulled the plug on the robits and seemingly shut them down. And then breathed in a frantic, whiny sort of way. And then the movie ended...

So, to answer my earlier question, which didn't actually involve a question, they did a very poor job of keeping my attention.