Yeti

Peter DeLuise, Carly Pope (2008) A legendary beast terrorizes members of a college football team after their plane crashes in the snowy Himalayas.

Sci-Fi Saturday movie from November 8th. Anyone surprised that I'm doing it the very next day? That's almost a miracle. Its the last thing I've got left on the DVR before I leave for my trip to Hawaii.

So, to start off: I like Peter DeLuise. He was one of the directors for Stargate. And he did a bunch of Director Commentaries for the episodes. Usually with Gary Jones (MSgt Walter Harriman, Technician, Chevron Guy), and they were always good for a laugh. They weren't always the most informative of commentaries, but they were worth listening to, just in terms of the humor value.

And some guy who vaguely looked like Daniel Jackson was just et by the Yeti. And I htink his character's name may have been Jackson. There was definitely someone named Jackson, and definitely an actor who looked like Michael Shanks.

And now we're on a plane, that is inevitably oging to crash. I may be psychic, or I may have read the description...

Anyways, there's a football team on the plane. Lots of young adult angst and relationship crapulence. And a huge black guy who is apparently named "Chubs". I hope he survives. And there's some guy with a tiny little soul-patch thing under his chin... I think I'll call him DoucheBag. Apparently his father bought the new football stadium, but isn't good enough to start...

And they just exposited that apparently this team is going to be playing the first Bowl game in Japan. So they're flying over the Himalayas for some reason. Um. Geography? Anyone?

According to IMDB, this movie is actually called Yeti: Curse of the Snow Demon. And Peter DeLuise's character is John Sheppard. I wonder if any of them have seen Stargate Atlantis... Or knowing Peter DeLuise, he'd think it was funny, and probably make a bevy of poo jokes. If this movie is anything like his Director Commentaries, he's going to use the term "poo cramps" at least once. I'll keep you posted.

They've just crashed. FYI. DAMMIT! Chubs seems to be dead. I''m really contemplating turning this movie off. I was really hoping for Chubs to survive. And IMDB is unhelpful as to whether Chubs is spelled with one B or 2. Looks like he wasn't important enough to be listed.

They're doing an awful lot of not shivering for being in the F'ing Himalayas. And the crash site looks an awful lot of stuff just got stuffed into the snow, and then the snow was trampled a bunch by people. Probably because that's one happened.

Holy Crap. Peter DeLuise has lost a shit-ton of weight... And for your info, he's the guy in charge of searching for the crashed survivors. Some sort of Himalayas Research Institute or something. I can't remember...

That was interesting. They just randomly transitioned betweened a CG Yeti and a guy in makeup during the course of one chase scene. Which ended with a guy getting torn apart by the Yeti, and DoucheBag ending up holding only on to the guy's arm. Which seemed to have some arterial spurting going on. From the arm. Dude has potentially the best circulatory system ever. Probably never was gonna have to worry about a heart attack, because his arm could take care of the blood circulation... But that doesn't matter, as he's now in multiple pieces, and probably even more assuming that the Yeti ate him, rather than just tearing him apart for sport. Which I would totally respect...

And why does the ASPCA have uniform that look like Police Uniforms? But that is neither here nor there.

And now some dude is climbing a wall. For some reason. Which they showed to be at about a 60 degreee angle. As in not overhanging. And yet when he started climbing, they made it look like it was vertical... Which he promptly fell off of and screwed up his leg. And then used the dude's ripped off arm as a splint. Turns out it was DoucheBag. This movie is fantastic thus far... And I think they just reused a shot of him climbing for his second attempt. Because he didn't have the arm strapped to his leg.

And they're doing a very poor job of portraying the passage of time. They just stated that they've been crashef for over 2 days. Yet the director has made no effort to visually portray that fact. And now they're discussing eating the dead people. Hopefully they don't start with the ass, like that one movie about the plane crash in the Andes where they ate the dead people's butts.

And now DoucheBag is sliding down a snow covered hillside. Dude seriously has to stop falling down shit. And pull his pants up... And the Yeti needs a dentist. Or Orthodontist...

And they just killed, cooked, and ate a bunny. First Chubs, now the bunny. Man, I really don't like these guys. I'm rooting for the Yeti.

And now they're eating people. Left it vague as to where the meat is from. But each piece is almost perfectly cubical...

And DoucheBag just got Flare-gunned in the face. Served him right... That travesty of facial hair...

How did throwing a snowball at a Yeti ever seem like a good idea. Seems like if you do that, he'll just rip your heart out. Or skoosh your head by stepping on it. Both of which he did... And now the Yeti is busy copping a feel. Apparently the only reason the Yeti is doing this is he just wanted to be loved... and have some cuddle time...

And the moral of the story: Don't shoot Yeti, or you'll set off an avalanche. Which you can apparently hide from beind a few tiny rocks...

And I just spent a little time trying to figure out if it was an airsoft magazine that the woman ejected from her gun. The results were inconclusive...

And the Yeti just got pulled off a cliff. They threw a spear at it, and attached a rope to it, and a rock to the rope. And somehow the Yeti was pulled off, even though the part attached to the rock was above the Yeti the whole time.

And somehow DoucheBag survived. But so did a Yeti.