Mortal Kombat: Something or Other

Apparently its Annihilation.

And its not about death. But about the preservation of life.I have to say, falling from the sky on fire seems like a pretty inefficient form of transportation. What with the burning and all.

I wonder if all the bad guys know how stupid they look. And I wonder if the good guys know how poorly they can act. OK. THe bad guys can't act either. but they can fly in a very ridiculous fashion.

And its looking like they're going to take a page from Beowulf's modes of transportation. with the flipping and all...

And I"m pretty sure Jean Claude Van Damn gone wrong just got penis-punched. And got his sunglasses broken. We know he's not the real Jean Claude, because if that had happened to him, he would have kicked everyone's ass. Rather than getting his neck broken.

And Main Bad Guy dude (who looks completely ridiculous by the way, as he has a gigantic skill thing on the top of his face, and his regular jaw below it) reminds me of Steve Holt from Arrested Development. What with the raised arms and random blathering...

And apparently Main Good Guy has magic hair. Able to be tied up and untied in consecutive scenes. And maybe even grow and shorten in length. But speaking of hair, Asian Dude has the most amazing 80s hair in the history of time.

"You'll be moving so fast, its like you're not even moving at all". The fuck does that even mean?

And apparently I'm learning from my Mortal Kombat history lesson that nut-punching is quite common in this universe. Note to self: Avoid Mortal Kombat universe.

Never mind. The falling from the sky isn't the dumbest transportation method ever. This sphere shit is. Something about standing inside a rolling sphere. I don't freaking understand. But as it places the 2 people face to face, it seems to allow perfect opportunity for the dude to check out the female character's boobs.

And Steve Holt has approximately 32000 too many teeth in his face... And apparently Steve Holt's father's move seems to be to use a Segway to move closer to thing. Come to think of it, its almost like GOB in Arrested Development.

And now we're introduced to a new characater: Poor Man's Predator.

And apparently those things aren't swords. They're fans. Which is kinda dum.

I need to grow my hair out again. Apparently 80s hair allows you to defy the laws of gravity.

And apparently if you spray paint Sub-zero yellow, he becomes Scorpion. I guess that saves the costume budget a bit. So you can get epople like Johnny Cash and that woman who's just wearing street clothes.

And now Scorpion is my favorite. He just totally called 80s Dude and Sub-Zero suckers, and jacked Fan Woman. And he's really the only Mortal Kombat character that I can ever remember. But then again, I only really played the game once or twice...

And now they've spraypainted Predator yellow. I guess they're making up for their lack of a costume budget by increasing they're really shitty effects budget.

And apparently if you accidentaly bash a keyboard, it totally sends sparks everywhere.

And I'm really tired.

And now for something completely different:

HIIIIII blog people reader thingies. And thus ends Favorite Commenter Su's contribution to the blog today.

And apparently if you want to find your "animality" (what ever the hell that might mean) the best way to do so is to get axed in the chest. Or maybe hatcheted. Or Tomohawk. Or forehead... And it seems that 80s Dude's animality is a snow angel. So freaking bad-ass right there. I'm sort of jealous.

And apparently 80s dude won the Mortal Kombat thing earlier. And yet he keeps getting his ass kicked. Apparently I had some sort of point that I was going to make when I started this paragraph, but now I've completely forgotten what it was.

And Main Bad Guy seems to enjoy comically oversized props. Ranging from Goblety things to hammers.

And I suppose that this movie is a pretty standard action movie, as the token black guy is essentially the sterotypical urban-type black guy. And he's in the military. And has silver plastic arms.

I've found the solution to drought. Chicks fighting. Apparently if 2 women start fighting in a previously dry area, it automatically turns to mud. I wonder if it changes back to dry when they're done. Its a deep burning question that this movie sadly does not answer. Perhaps in the next sequel. Assuming it ever gets around to being made. Perhaps they can sign me on as director. Or something. And it will probably be entirely about this burning question. And maybe some fightings. And definitely some fantastic hair. And probably some spray painting in mid scene to change costumes...

And the bad guys are riding horses. OK. So if this guy can get robotic limbs, I'm pretty sure that horses are a little out of date.

And if you spray pain Sub-Zero black, you get a random bad guy schlub. But they're awesome, as they locomote through flipping.

And the bad guy just stole the Eiffel Tower for no apparent reason.

"Up there". Probably the worst directions to tell your compatriot about an on-coming bad guy. I'm pretty sure it narrows the directions for an oncoming attack by about half. Only if you're flying. Other than that, kinda useless.

Abd then maybe some other stuff happened. I really have no idea because I fell asleep.