Transmorphers: Fall of Man

Bruce Boxleitner, Jennifer Rubin (2009) Humans flee underground when an army of robot invaders attacks earth.

Syfy Saturday movie from 2/13.

Recognize the title? Remind you of anything? Remember any sort of companies that do this sort of shit? Take the title of a popular blockbuster, fiddle with it slightly, and make a movie that is pretty much unrelated. I am Omega? Alien vs. Hunter?

Yup! You guessed it! This is one of those The Asylum.

Also, if the person from the first scene is going to be the main character, I'm going to be very disappointing, because she's annoying as shit.

But nope. I should have been thinking. The person from the first scene of these movies usually gets killed in some sort of comical fashion. Oh, say, like having her Blackberry turn into a spider-robot thing, cling to her face for a bit, and then randomly laser gun her in the face... Yeah, something like that...

Let's see how this movie turns out. Considering I tried to watch the original Transmorphers movie, and didn't get more than 15 minutes in (wasn't a Syfy/SciFi Saturday/Sunday movie, so I didn't feel to compelled to watch it) before I turned it off. Pretty much on par with the other movies by The Asylum. Roughly translated as: crap.

Bruce Boxleitner seems to be dealing with the whole "The Satellite Dish Turned Into A Robit" problem pretty well. As in, he didn't even bat an eyelid when presented with the possibility.

Also, interesting that the robit car, with no driver, had to use its windshield wipers after running through a pile of boxes, apparently filled with water.

And never Sardines with Bruce Boxleitner. His idea of hiding is sitting in a cop car, in the middle of a street, with the lightbar on. No wonder the robit car saw you, dumbass.

And the guy who was supposed to be preventing the blackberry robit from escaping just opened the door of the box it was stowed in. And while he was preventing it from leaving, he had his back turned. Seemingly preventing anyone from getting access to it, rather than preventing it from getting out.

And Boxleitner now has a Blackhawk helicopter with a minigun on one wing, and two Hellfire missiles on the other. And yet he continues to use only the minigun. Quite ineffectually. And now has apparently crashed his stricken helicopter into the robit. Without firing the missiles. Good to know that 2 missiles with about 20 pounds of explosives each weren't considered as an offensive option, even as a last resort. Way to go Boxleitner. That's probably why you're dead.

And when I start directing movies, in addition to randomly involving Godzilla at any random opportunity, I'm going to have another staple of my movies. Namely a guy who drives by the main characters at some point in a monster truck. Then stops if front of them, calmly states "You guys is fucked.", laughs maniacally, and then drives away. Might be a good cameo for me as the director...

And some guy with a mustache just showed up. Out of the blue.

And now the robits seem to be exploding just with handgun fire. Where was that destructibility when they were going up against miniguns on helicopters?

Perhaps Boxleitner could have survived this travesty...

And then the main character guy (who, as yet, I haven't mentioned) survived an explosion that destroyed the whole "Terraforming Plant"/thing/place/thing. Even though he was in between the explosives and a bunch of the robits that apparently perished in the explosion. Or just randomly decided that they wanted to have no more part of this movie. Probably the latter. I don't blame them.

Pretty pathetic, though. When a movie can't even hold on to its computer generated characters. I'm guessing that no matter what they did, the movie's computer artists couldn't draw the robits anymore after that scene, because they'd all decided to leave. So they had no choice but to end the movie.

And shades of Terminator 3 in the ending...