Death Tunnel

Well, another dose of Sci-Fi Saturday movies... I'm still working on the appropriate level of detail for these things, so, bear with me...

Apparaently there was some sort of plague in a Kentucky sanitorium, so they created a tunnel to take the bodies away so no one would notice... apparently, its based on true events... I'm guessing, in that sanitoriums exists, as does death, and as do tunnels...

although, after a bit of Wikipedia-ness, it seems its based on stories of hauntings in an actual sanitorium...

Random dude seems to have a Testarossa... not too shabby for what initially seems to be a college student... even though we haven't seen his face... which probably means he's the evil one...

and there's apparently some party at this sanitorium, where the females are encouraged to wear provocative lingerie... yup, definitely a Sci-Fi Original movie... OK.. it seems the party wasn't at the sanitorium, but people were kidnapped from the party and brought to the sanitorium... something about 5 girls on 5 different floors of the sanitorium, and 5 different ghosts... or some shit...

The director seems to have decided that the best way to build suspense is to not stay in a single shot for longer than a few seconds... and he really seems to be trying to channel a Saw-ish vibe.... but without the rip your freaking head off traps... Turns out, the place this was filmed is one of the scariest places on earth... probably due to the really shitty decor, and the random slim dripping off shit... and the fact that you can't look at anything for longer than a few seconds without abruptly shifting, or shaking violently, or randomly having a flashback about the way the sanitorium used to be... in black and white, of course...

and apparently, while lightly tapping a glass window with the but of your flashlight, yhou can shatter the glass, and cut your hand really badly... which seems like it wouldn't be the best of plans in somewhere as dirty as this... especially if you're playing the role of rich slutty bitch's henchwoman...

and apparently, slutty rich bitch has decided that its time to take a shower in the sanitorium as a method to taunt her boyfriend... and now shes's covered in what seems to be tomato soup... mixed with orange glow-stick stuff... and apparently after her shower, it seemed that the best choice of clothes for her was wapping herself in a shower curtain, rather than putting her clothes back on...

and i have to pee... but luckily its a commercial break...

and now apparently, Main Girl's friend is completely bat-shit insane...

and now after a few day hiatus, I'm back to this... and I don't have to pee anymore...

And apparently its now only 4 girls... and I can feel myself physically get stupider as this movie progresses... I think my brains are attempting to leave my skull through my left ear... they're going on strike...

and apparently Main Girl's friend isn't the only bat-shit insane one... oh wait, nope... its her again... but luckily Main Girl now has a fire-ax... which she will most likely drop at the first sign of trouble, knowing this type of movie... and the friend is still insane...

Well, there's only 3 girls now... hopefully that means the movie's almost over... and apparently everyone has the same necklace... and now that the movie is nearing its conclusion, the acting is getting worse and worse... the necklace is apparently from the sanitorium, and patients had to wear it if they had a particular disease... and seriously... if you're ever in some sort of mortal danger, don't ever use the phrase "over my dead body"... because it means you are well and truly fucked...

Although I'm really hoping for the standard Bad Sci-Fi Movie Deus Ex Machina of Government Helicopters With Guns On Them coming in to save the day at the last minute...

And there's just been a very drastic change in the score... it used to be sort of a classical score, but now that the guys are running away from some randomly ugly dude, its very death-metalish... and I discovered the problem with Death Metal: I couldn't tell if there was a dude "singing" or if it was just something dragging along the floor... turns out it was the thing dragging on the floor...

It seems all the girls have been possessed by the ghosts of nurses who killed themselves in the sanitorium... and we still haven't seen the "death tunnel" yet... but its been mentioned... and its apparently daytime now... i thought it was the middle of the night..

Philip Adrian Booth: You suck. You cut, edited, and something-elsed this travesty of a movie...

So, just to tell you what I thought of this movie: I found doing my laundry was a more compelling activity than paying attention...

So, next up is Ba'al: The Storm God. From 2008: An archaeologist unleashes a violent storm after he releases an ancient god from captivity. Tonights Sci-Fi Saturday movie. Starring Jeremy London, and Lexa Doig (Dr. Lam from Stargate SG-1 and that random Sexual Harassment Councilor that's showed up twice in Eureka) Comes on tonight. I'll review it when I get around to it...