Eragon

Ed Speleers, Jeremy Irons (2006) The discovery of a dragon's egg puts a poor farm boy on the path to his destiny to be a Dragon Rider and defeat an evil king. Based on the book by Christopher Paolini.

Syfy Saturday movie from 4/3.

This is one of those movies that I had absolutely no desire to see when it came out in theaters. And now I'm compelled to watch it, as it is the Syfy Saturday movie. Oh, good! I'm looking forward to it already.

But on the plus side, its got Jeremy Irons in it, and he's got an awesome accent.

Also: John Malkovich! As a character named Galbatorix.

And some guy just found the dragon egg thing... I'm pretty sure that if I found such a thing I'd be very disappointed when I discovered that it wasn't actually a giant jelly bean. Although, it would probably make a fantastical mount of scrambled eggs. Or egg. As I would definitely be hoping it was an unfertilized egg.

Also, "Some Guy" is apparently named Eragon. After the movie. Wonder what would have happened if the movie had been named Aloysius Clodhopper. Some Guy would probably have been mocked endlessly at school. Also, Aloysius' brother is King David. Or at least he spent some of his life playing the role of David Shepherd in the late TV show Kings. And as such, I shall name him Finklestien. Finklestien Clodhopper. Now that's a name. But sadly, he's not the main character of this movie, so it seems that I shall only spend my time talking about Aloysius. Especially because Finklestien is leaving his family so he doesn't get drafted by the evil king (Galbatorix Malkovich) to join the apparently evil army. Presumably he's going off to Canada. Or Schenectady. Because who wouldn't want to go to a place called Schenectady?

And how do we know that Galbatorix Malkovich's army is evil? Because they stole Jeremy Irons' bird-things that he caught/poached. And we know that's evil because because Jeremy Irons has a beard. And he can't be evil with a beard. And its been a few minutes since Galbatorix Malkovich has shown up on screen, so I can't remember if he has a beard, thus rendering my hypothesis completely fallacious.

And right on cue, Galbatorix has showed up on screen. And he does happen to have a beard. But its a scraggly-ass stubble-beard. And not a full-on beard like Jeremy Irons'. Not that I can really complain about scraggly-ass stubble-beards. But that would be why I rock the goatee. Or at least I don't try to rock it as a beard, just as a lazy-man-stubble concoction.

Also, its got Robert Carlyle in it. You know, the guy from Stargate Universe? The guy who's trying to be a serious actor? Yeah him. Anyways, he's got all sorts of weird facial tattoo-mark-things. And looks completely ridiculous.

Also, Beardy Irons' character's name is Brom. Nice. Simple. And distinctly not Galbatorix.

Apparently dragon's in Christopher Paolini's world are feathered. Which is weird. I'd always figgered that they were more of a scaly type. (Consummate V's. Consummate)

Also, it would appear that Galbatorix Malkovich's troops just killed Aloysius' father. Who I have just named Hathcock. But, as he is now dead, it is unlikely that we will see Hathcock Clodhopper again. Especially now that Jeremy Irons just burned down his cottage/hut/thing in an attempt (that was successful) to get Aloysius to run away from Galbatorix and his troops that were probably just around the corner.

And apparently Finklestien may actually be Aloysius' cousin, and not his brother as I initially thought.

And another reason that we know that Galbatorix's troops are evil: They're ugly. You never see the good guys in movies employing the ugly creatures, like goblins and whatnot. And apparently Jeremy is being pursued by drippy worm creatures. Which isn't entirely an accurate description. More like drippy worm dudes. Or dudes who seem to be made of worms, and randomly leak off bits of worm for no apparent reason. Or DWSTBMOFWARLOBOWFNAR. For short. But they seem to have been all killified.

In this Robert Carlyle/Dark Magic Cloud Monster vs. Aloysius/Dragon tag-team battle of ultimate climacticness, Aloysius seems to be doing a fat lot of nothing. Dragon's pretty much carrying the team. Basically, his role could have been served by an lance, or arrow, or sharp pointy stick.

And emo-boy turned out not to be evil in the end, even though his father was some sort of evil dude. Way to go, that guy.