Remember What I Said About Cross-Country Skiing

You know what's mesmerizingly boring? The beginning of a 1500 meter short track speed skating event. Apparently they go really slow for the first couple of laps, and its just sort of mezmerizing.

Highlander: The Source

Adrian Paul, Peter Wingfield (2007) Duncan MacLeod and a group of companions embark on a quest to discover the origin of their immortality.

Was Peter Wingfield the guy who played Tanith on SG1? I can't really remember, but the name sounds familiar. I'll keep you updated.

It seems that the guy from the original Highlander movie was named Connor and not Duncan. So, I guess we won't have BackFlippy McGoo to deal with in this movie. Kind of a shame, because his accent was rather hilarious, and the fact that he backflipped everywhere in that one movie was also awesome. In the first fight scene, the Duncan character has executed exactly zero backflips. I'm disappointed.

And it looks like he is in fact Tanith (not Duncan, though). Some other guy. But he's got some rather dumb glasses. But also a sword. I'll keep you up to date on his badass factor. Seems the glasses are all some sort of communication device. Either that or all these characters have similarly crappy senses of style.

The badguy does appear to appreciate the awesomeness of the backflip. So I'll be rooting for him now, until someone else proves himself worthy. And he seems to have a pretty awesome accent as well...

This is apparently the 5th movie in the series. I've only seen the first. So, we'll see if this has any effect on me watching this move.

Apparently stabbing the elevator call buttons stops the entire elevator system.

There's far too much random music and not stabbing for what I was expecting. I demand more stabbing and fighting. And there's random music as well. Sounds like it could be some relatively popular bands, but I really have no idea. And I really can't stand the editing of this film. Far too many jump cuts during the action sequences to give you a good idea what's actually going on.

But on the plus side, I've finally got around to fixing my Mac 11. But that's neither here nor there.

And the final fight scene, where both Duncan and the bad guy have turbo speed, is even more unwatchable due to terrible editing.

And apparently Duncal MacLeod is the one. Hopefully that means the end of this drivel. I enjoyed the first one. But this one seems to be less of the random ass-kickery of the first one, and focuses more on a bunch of random stuff that I don't care about.

Flying Saucers

Why are flying saucers always portrayed as bi-convex shapes? Saucers are convex on one side and concave on the other. There has got to be some sort of nameological word for a bi-convex round shape.

And there's got to be a better word than nameological. Perhaps some derivative of taxonomy. Yeah, I think I'll stick with taxonomical. I have no idea if that's even a word. Firefox seems to think it isn't.

(I'm watching something about the Bermuda Triangle right now)

And apparently "Cay" is pronounced "key". I didn't know that.

And another thing I'm discovering from this is that World War II era planes are attractive.

Awesome Winter Sports

Reading Su's comment about biathalon reminded me about some ideas that were bandied about the apartment when we first figured out that we had what has become known as the "bobsled channel".

These ideas concerned combinations of winter sports, like:

Biathalon/Ski Jump
Luge or Bobsled figure skating
Bobsled Ski Jumping

I'm thinking of starting my own set of winter games. Working title is "Awesome Olympics". Basically teams show up with basic winter sports skills, but no idea of the specifics of the event. Once everyone's there, the events are revealed, and the teams are forced to do their best.

Ozzy and Subtitles

I'm highly amused by the World of Warcraft commercial with Ozzy Osbourne. They decide to subtitle what he's saying, even though he's perfectly understandable.

Perhaps I've just been exposed to enough of him that I'm able to understand? Either that or we have some sort of Heavy Metal Brotherhood or some such jibba jabba.

PS. I need to pee.

Sands of Oblivion

Dan Castellaneta, Adam Baldwin (2007) The spirit of an avenging demigod emerges from its tomb to wreak havoc.

Havoc is good. Jayne is good. Homer Simpson is good. Lets see how they combine.

Apparently they had some pretty fantastic hats and ties in 1923.

Hmmm. Ancient Egyptian props, a jackal headed type guy. I guess we're talking Anubis here?

Oh, and this has Morena Baccarin in it as well. Looks like its a Firefly get-together. We can only hope Alan Tudyk or Nathan Fillion show up. (See Su, I told you it was Inara). Oh, and Richard Kind is in it too. But he's more of a Stargate guy, rather than a Firefly guy.

Homer Simpson has the most fantastic pants. Those cavalry pants with the side-wing things. I want some. Seems that Homer is Cecil B. DeMille, and he's filming the 10 Commandments.

Seems they all know about the Anubis guy, and are burying the set, to make sure that no one else is killed by him. I wonder if that is all of Dan Castellaneta's involvment in this movie, as its now present day, as opposed to 1923 or whatever. Hmmm... it seems the Cecil B. DeMille made too movies called the 10 Commandments, and the one that they were making is not the famous one with Charlton Heston, but instead some silent film.

And apparently in this movie, Jayne is married to Inara. But they're getting a divorce, so I guess it didn't work out, just as it definitely wouldn't have worked out on Serenity. And strangely enough, Jayne seems to be a professor of something or another. Quite a change from Jayne.

And somehow a very poorly sealed box buried in the desert sand is in perfect condition, and not filled with sand. And when a "demigod" or whatever tears off your arm, you don't bleed from your stump, but instead your mouth bleeds... The human body has a very strange circulatory system.

And hopefully I remember to upload my pictures, because I got a pretty fantastic shot of some guy's pretty fantastic hair. That guy has an even more amazing flat-top haircut than that doctor guy from when I took my mom to the hospital a while ago.

And apparently main character's job when he was in the Army in Iraq was moving old movie sets that had been buried under the sand for 80 years. Or so he seemed to say, if you didn't listen to the second half of his statement.

And apparently Jayne's name in this is Jesse. What is it with this man and names that can also be women's names? And they're in the deserts of California, and yet they're wearing jackets and stuff. Seems like it might have been filmed somewhere colder. Like, maybe, the Richmond Sand Dunes outside of Vancouver? Although there does seem to be more sand and more area than I thought there was. But I guess they can do anything with computers these days.

Seems one of the props for the movie (The Eye of Horus, I think) is somehow connected to the Anubis guy. Seems he's Im-La-Ra, or the Left Hand of Seth, who we all know is the god of chaos.

And apparently Freemasons are involved somehow. Apparently they built the pyramids, and they built the prison cell thing to contain all the evil arifacts.

And now Jayne's gone all nutso...

And what the heck is the point of sleeveless shirts that have a hood? They look really dumb.

And I need a friend like this Buford character. Insane with a shack of guns and explosives. For the Rapture, apparently. And although he seems to have been in the Army, he seems to be wearing Desert MARPAT Pants. For those of you keeping score at home, the MAR in MARPAT stands for Marine.

And speaking of dumbidity, Buford just busted out with waht appears to be a UTG M87 shotgun. Hi-cap mag, single-sided cocking arm, crappy red dot and all. Remember what I was saying about the fact that magazine fed shotguns are rare (in my review of Supergator or whatever)? I'm pretty sure that whenever they show up in these movies, they're in fact airsoft shotguns. In fact, I've got 3 sitting in a box in my room. Sadly, they're all broken. Cylinder/piston assembly's really weak. But what to you expect from a $20 shotgun.

And now there's a car chase. With random main character guy chasing after Jayne, who's kidnapped Inara, and the cops chasing anyone and everyone. And the cops are randomly shooting at anyone and everyone. For no apparently or conceivable reason. But whatever, its all OK. The guy in charge has the most amazing flat-top. Note to self: Post picture.

And thus apparently endeth Jayne's role in this movie. And they just referred to him as a walking meat bucket.

And now they're being attacked by 2 dimensional paintings. And, yes, that's just as dumb as it sounds. And Inara has been outwitted by a LAW rocket.

And this Army guy can't shoot. He was aiming at a box of White Phosphorus grenades at the creature's feet, but ended up sailing the rocket well over the creature's head. Luckily he seems to have caused enough damage to the grenades to set them off, and turn the creature to glass.

And it seems that Inara is ridiculously tiny. That is all.

Lost Treasure of the Grand Canyon (and Bonus)

Shannen Doherty, Michael Shanks (2008) A woman leads an expedition to save her father from warriors of an ancient civilization.

Sci-Fi Saturday movie from 12/20.

The glorious return of the Sci-Fi Saturday reviews to my blog. They've been absent for a bit because the SciFi channel decides to put movies that I've already seen as their feature on Saturday nights. Stuff like Sin City, Jurassic Park: The Lost World, Blade Runner. I've seen these already, and am not going to watch them again just to review them. This past week, it was Serenity. Which would be worth watching again, but if I'm going to watch it, it'll be commercial-free on DVD. And I'm not sure if I'd want to review it, mainly because its really good. On second thought, I'll have a mini-review inside this review. The bonus I mentioned in the title:

Serenity: Watch it.

PS: Jewel Staite is hot.

Uh, yeah. That's it. If you haven't seen it, do it. And watch Firefly while you're at it. I could have sworn I talked about Firefly on this blog a while ago. Probably before my huge hiatus. Feel free to go back and search for it, and let me know. And then I can use the word "and" far too many times in one sentence. And if you're typing quickly, and accidentally swap the "T" and the " " in "far too", you get humorous results.

And now to hit the play button on the DVR. Well, actually its not really a button, but its an option on the screen. Anyways, onwards:

I was torn when I decided to review this movie. I've got this, with everyone's favorite Daniel Jackson in it, and I have Sands of Oblivion, with Jayne Cobb in it. Tough choice. But in the end, I decided that I hadn't done a Sci-Fi Saturday review in a while, and after all, Daniel Jackson has my loyalties, because, aside from sharing my name, he happened to have about 10 seasons of watching, with assorted movies, while Jayne only had one season and a movie (and a Stargate guest star role). So, in the end Dr. Jackson won out. Jayne'll show up in a bit.

Oh, right. This movie. Perhaps I should talk about it at some point. Nah...

And if I were feeling like a jerk (or at least moreso than usual), I'd end the review now, and hit the "Publish Post" button. Which is what I might do if it were not a Sci-Fi Saturday movie. I wonder if I could coin the acronym SFS for Sci-Fi Saturday. Much quicker to type. We'll see if it catches on. By which I mean, will I remember it the next time I want to mention the Sci-Fi Channel's weekly bad movie showcase. We will see.

You remember the SG1 episode "Wormhole X-treme"? The hundreth episode where they basically make fun of the whole production? Anyways, there's one scen where they're discussing the budget (of Wormhole X-treme, the show within the show), and they say that they don't have enough money to show a spaceship. The producers/directors talk about how they will show the awesomeness of the alien spaceship in people's reactions. That's what they're doing with the monster in this movie. Reminds me of a movie I watched a little while ago called "Alien Abduction". I didn't review it here, because #1 I didn't feel like it, and the blog was on Christmas break, and #2 because it was terrible, and I didn't care enough to pay attention. The main character of that one supposedly saw a UFO, but it was never shown to the viewer. Same sort of budgetary thing I'd guess. And did I mention it was terrible? And it didn't really end. Or at least it did have an ending, but it didn't make much sense, or provide much closure.

Daniel Jackson's character finds it preposterous that someone has a theory that the Egyptians came to North America. Kind of humorous given Daniel Jackson's views on the subject. And Martouf's character is named Dr. Langford. I wonder if all these parallels with the Stargate franchise are intentional, or just coincidences.

And some character who's getting his heart cut out has the most amazing beard. Very pointy. Speaking of which, I need to pick up the latest Dream Theater DVD.

And the Canon from SG1's Demons was just beheaded.

It seems that Martouf is actually the hero of this one, not Shanks. But I guess J.R. Bourne isn't a big enough name to get top billing. Or not. Seems that he's a big weenie after all. Now its time for Shanks to find his heart of gold. But it seems that his heart is actually made of meat. As he seeminglyh just removed it from his chest. I supect that some trickery is afoot. And now everyone's getting shot by arrows. As I suspected, it was merely a spare heart that he stole from the temple's Jar O' Hearts.

And now to show that he's supremely badass, Shanks is desecrating Quetzocoatl's temple. Seemingly for the sole purpose of goading he/she/it into a fight. And I'll now be referring to the Aztec god thing as Q, because the full name is to freaking long, and I'm not even sure I spelled it right. Apparently its actually spelled Quetzalcoatl. Not too shabby for a first attempt, if I do say so myself.

These Aztek folks seem awfully serene about Dr. Jackson just stabificating their god. I guess they'd seen SG1 already, and seen his propensity for doing that. Oh, nice. Apparently he's now their god. Way to go Dr. Jackson.

So, am I not complaining about this movie because it had 2 actors I rather like (Michael Shanks and J.R. Bourne)? Who really knows.

And now for some sweet, sweet Jayne action.