So, the sci-fi movie that I'm watching right now is Larva.
Basically some little parasite things are infesting cows due to some company's cattle feed. and now its somehow infecting humans...
I'm about halfway through at this point, and a larva thing just exploded out of some dude's stomach. and after being off screen for a little bit, it managed to grow to about twice the size of a person... and there was still plenty of dude left after the thing exploded out of his tummy..
And now we've entered the inevitable "Prowl around the place looking for the critter while it kills random people we don't even care about" phase of the movie... The scene just changed to some dude in the morgue of the hospital... i'm pretty well sure he's fucked, as we've never seen him before... and he probably won't survive another few minutes...
Actually, he just survived his opening scene... things are looking up for Doctor Red Shirt... and as I type this, he just got et by the critter... I was really pulling for him after he managed to get off screen without dying... But alas, he lived up to his name...
So, now the Vet (who was disgraced previously for some reason that I don't even remember, or much are about) and Hairy Farmer Dude (who was initially hostile to Vet) are now prowling the halls of the hospital looking for the critter... as the name of the phase of the movie seems to imply...
And Vet just shot the critter that was laying on top of Hairy Farmer Dude with a pistol. And everything up until now has seemed to be pretty much a sack of goo... so somehow this sack of goo just stopped a bullet from going into Hairy Farmer Dude. Either a crappy gun, or some very reslient goo...
And now for a brief interlude of typing the previous paragraph: Evil Corporation Dude is eating dinner with his family, and making lots of strange noises... I really don't understand...
Oh great... now Evil Corporation Dude's assisstant has joined forces with Vet and Hairy Farmer Dude in an attempt to slay the evil beasties... And she's playing the role of "token attractive woman with an accent"
And now for the inevitable nekkidness... infected dude is making out with some chick, and just got her bra off before exploding a thing out of his gut... and she managed to get her bra back on before running out of the car away from the critter.
And since I haven't actually told you what the "plot" is, I should probably tell you now... The corporation run by Evil Corporation Dude has been giving feed to local farmers that has been laced with some sort of drugs that are supposed to help the cattle in some way, but are instead making the parasites crazy...
And Hairy Farmer Dude just happens to have a "Basement O' Guns". Glad they ended up teaming up with that guy...
But so does Evil Corporation Guy... Although it looks like he's got a collection of shotguns that he could choose from. So he chose the break-open double barrel, rather than a pump action... I guess he's figuring that he's so awesome he only needs 2 shots to stave off the incoming horde of critters. Or he's resigned to the fact that he's the villain, and thus is fucked no matter how many shells he has loaded...
I wonder if in some alternate universe, he doesn't have a goatee, and is thus known by his peers as Benevolent Coproration Dude...
ANd apparently i haven't been paying nearly enough attention, because now the good guys are driving a tanker truck around, spewing what is likely some sort of flammable liquid... Or maybe its actually fertilizer... becuase they made some reference to the parasites being attracted to it. Well, if I'd just waited a while, I would have noticed that the truck says "Fertilizer" on the back... So basically, the dude is driving around spreading shit around this small time... Which leads me now to wonder why their connecting their Fertilizer truck to the sewer....
And as I ponder that last thing, Evil Corporation dude just bought it... As my brother says: "Om Nom Nom Nom".
Oh yeah.. they seem to be relying on fertilizer's explosive qualities, rather than its shit-like qualities... Yup. they blew up all the critters... and I think I can frankly say: I don't even care.
So, now it looks like there's gonna be some sort of romantic postlude... But no, it just ended with a shot of Evil Corporation Dude's Assisstant's crotch as she lays in a hospital bed... I really don't understand...
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Um. Yeah...
So, I've been kinda busy lately, and haven't watched any bad sci-fi...
But, I heart Bear Grylls.
And expect a stream of consciousness post when I get around to watching "Flu Bird Horror". I'm excited.
But, I heart Bear Grylls.
And expect a stream of consciousness post when I get around to watching "Flu Bird Horror". I'm excited.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Laptop and Hat
I now have a laptop. And a new fedora.
So, expect some more updates while i watch bad sci-fi.
And I really have to pee.
So, expect some more updates while i watch bad sci-fi.
And I really have to pee.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Marabunta
You know what makes a really terrible villain for a bad Sci-Fi movies?
Ants.
That's right, ants. Picture that one MacGyver episode in South America, only this time, about 2 times as long, in Alaska, about 2 times less good, and about 52,000 times less mullet.
You just can't make ants scary... especially with the bad CG that they use on these movies... plus, you probably shouldn't reuse the same shot of ants walking over something, trying to give the impression of the relentless advance of the ants. Because it looks like they're just covering the same ground (which in fact they are), and are making no progress at all...
Anyways, this movie had Colonel Caldwell as the local sheriff, but he was significantly less crotchety, and thus significantly less cool.
At some point near the end of the movie, the characters have to rappel down a cliff, get some dynamite, and then climb back up. Things were looking good, as the guy seemed to actually set up his gear right, and rappel properly. But then the ascent kinda went wrong. Instead of climbing, they decided to use the winch of the Jeep to pull them up. So, the chick went first, and of course made it up safe. But when it was the dude's turn, the Jeep started to act up, and thus the winch wouldn't work. So, the dude was stuck at the bottom of the cliff, with ants relentlessly advancing. So instead of climbing, he decides that the best course of action would be to yell at the guys at the top like a little bitch, wondering why they aren't pulling him up. I almost hoped he got et.
And then there was the obligatory Bad Sci-Fi Ending Shot Where The Creature That You Thought Had Been Eradicated, And Thus Providing A Happy Ending, Is In Fact Still Alive shot, as the queen ant crawls out of the river.
So, all in all, I wasn't sure who to root for in this movie. The human characters were all crappy and whiny, and the ants were, well, ants, and therefore crappy.
Ants.
That's right, ants. Picture that one MacGyver episode in South America, only this time, about 2 times as long, in Alaska, about 2 times less good, and about 52,000 times less mullet.
You just can't make ants scary... especially with the bad CG that they use on these movies... plus, you probably shouldn't reuse the same shot of ants walking over something, trying to give the impression of the relentless advance of the ants. Because it looks like they're just covering the same ground (which in fact they are), and are making no progress at all...
Anyways, this movie had Colonel Caldwell as the local sheriff, but he was significantly less crotchety, and thus significantly less cool.
At some point near the end of the movie, the characters have to rappel down a cliff, get some dynamite, and then climb back up. Things were looking good, as the guy seemed to actually set up his gear right, and rappel properly. But then the ascent kinda went wrong. Instead of climbing, they decided to use the winch of the Jeep to pull them up. So, the chick went first, and of course made it up safe. But when it was the dude's turn, the Jeep started to act up, and thus the winch wouldn't work. So, the dude was stuck at the bottom of the cliff, with ants relentlessly advancing. So instead of climbing, he decides that the best course of action would be to yell at the guys at the top like a little bitch, wondering why they aren't pulling him up. I almost hoped he got et.
And then there was the obligatory Bad Sci-Fi Ending Shot Where The Creature That You Thought Had Been Eradicated, And Thus Providing A Happy Ending, Is In Fact Still Alive shot, as the queen ant crawls out of the river.
So, all in all, I wasn't sure who to root for in this movie. The human characters were all crappy and whiny, and the ants were, well, ants, and therefore crappy.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
I'm speechless
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/08/22/obese.woman.ap/index.html
Good lord... 1000 pound woman...
That's really all there is to say about that...
Good lord... 1000 pound woman...
That's really all there is to say about that...
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Something New
Damn. I'm on a roll (role?) tonight...
Something, that at least to the best of my memory (which is pretty crappy at best) has never happened on this blog: A discussion of music.
http://www.metallica.com/index.asp?item=601119
New Metallica.
I'm currently listening to it as we speak. Well, more as I type.
The drums on the intro sound a bit weird, but they get sorted as the song progresses.
I'm liking that they actually have an instrumental section. Because that's actually what originally got me hooked to Heavy Metal. You might think that it was Iron Maiden that got me hooked. First it was Metallica, and their instrumental portions. Then I heard some Maiden, and well, the rest is history.
Hetfield's vocals in the beginning don't really seem to fit with the music... but then it seems to get back to some more classic Metallica sounds.
More instrumental parts through the latter half of the song... I like.
I'll have to give it another listen, to ensure that some of the crappiness in the sound that I was hearing was due to the fact that I was listening to it on my crappy computer speakers running at full blast, and not part of the actual track itself.
But I think that Metallica have recovered from the filth that was and still is St. Anger. I'll have to give this album a bit more of a listen before I pick it up, though, as Metallica lost any chance of me buying any of their albums without hearing them first when they released St. Anger.
Something, that at least to the best of my memory (which is pretty crappy at best) has never happened on this blog: A discussion of music.
http://www.metallica.com/index.asp?item=601119
New Metallica.
I'm currently listening to it as we speak. Well, more as I type.
The drums on the intro sound a bit weird, but they get sorted as the song progresses.
I'm liking that they actually have an instrumental section. Because that's actually what originally got me hooked to Heavy Metal. You might think that it was Iron Maiden that got me hooked. First it was Metallica, and their instrumental portions. Then I heard some Maiden, and well, the rest is history.
Hetfield's vocals in the beginning don't really seem to fit with the music... but then it seems to get back to some more classic Metallica sounds.
More instrumental parts through the latter half of the song... I like.
I'll have to give it another listen, to ensure that some of the crappiness in the sound that I was hearing was due to the fact that I was listening to it on my crappy computer speakers running at full blast, and not part of the actual track itself.
But I think that Metallica have recovered from the filth that was and still is St. Anger. I'll have to give this album a bit more of a listen before I pick it up, though, as Metallica lost any chance of me buying any of their albums without hearing them first when they released St. Anger.
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