Big Frakking Robots that turn into cars and shit...

So, is it immediately obvious what i'm going to talk about?

Anyways, on Saturday, I was feeling particularly unmotivated, so I decided to go see a movie. I was torn between Transformers and the new Harry Potter. In the end I decided on Transformers, seeing as its been out longer, and I'll likely have more of a chance to see the Harry Potter movie at some later date.

Anyways, I got to the theater to check on showtimes at 11:15 AM, and discovered that they had a 11:30 showing.... score one for me...

First off the previews:
Some movie with the Rock... they typical successful but generally heartless man discovers that he has a long lost kid, is reunited, and then learns a valuable lesson... hasn't this movie been done to death yet?
Some sort of post-apocalyptic movie with Will Smith... I Am Legend.... Apparently he's the last guy alive in New York City, and he has a gun and a dog... I'm not really sure what this one's about, but it intrigued me... I'm a sucker for post-apocalyptic fiction, so that's probably why... after a quick wikipedia search, it seems it is based on a short story or novel or something, and involves vampires... i'm intrigued...
And I can't remember any of the other previews, aside from the vague feeling that i wanted to punch the kid behind me in the head, since he kept talking and laughing... and being generally annoying...

But I do remember there wasn't one of those annoying "turn off your cell phone" ads, which seems to be a preview, but is interrupted by a ringing cell phone...

And on to the movie...

So, it starts out with some horrendously cheesy monologue by Optimus Prime. Who we don't meet for an absurdly long time...

At this point I was hooked... I love me some bad Sci-Fi... and even more, I love me some giant robots beating the ever-loving tar out of each other...

so, bla bla bla, helicoppter turns into big ass robot... ass kickery... some guys escape and are later attacked by a scorpion-ish robot... in the words of Willem Defoe's character in the Boondock Saints "AND THERE WAS A FIREFIGHT!"... and then there's Shia LeBouef (or however you spell it... which is coincedentally the awesomest name in the history of awesomeness... well, not really, but its still pretty cool...) and his zany antics trying to get a car, and pick up the girl wearing the impossibly tiny mini-skirt... hilarity ensues when it turns out that his car is a giant robot-ish thing... that talks by using radio clips...

anyways, some more bla bla bla, and then they show the pentagon... which looks almost nothing like the pentagon that I saw the one time i went there for work (the inside, at least)... looks like the guys i was meeting with got royally screwed in the decorating budget... anyways there's the secretary of defense, who is likely played by someone famous, but i'm more amused that he pronounces robot as ro-butt, rather than the proper ro-bought... and then there are a whole bunch of young adult analyst people, who apparently do all of the pentagon's computer work... never mind the fact that the Pentagon is the head of the DoD, and when I was there, it seemed that about 75% or more of the people were wearing military uniforms... but then again, i seemed to be in the poorly decorated section...

and there's the attractive Australian analyst woman (you got to figure that shit related to the transformers is at least at a NOFORN classification, which leads one to wonder why an australian would be working on it... but I'm a Swiss citizen, so I guess that shoots that theory out the window... (now is she attractive because of her looks or because of her accent... who knows...) anyways she enlists the help of Antwon Mitchell from Season 4 of the Shield, whose prison stay seems to have made him significantly nerdier and a lot less ruthless and badass...
further hijinks ensue...

and then the rest of the Autobots show up...

And that's where life starts to get interesting for our intrepid characters...

But I won't ruin the movie for you...

Needless to say, a large budget movie about Big ass robots that beat the snot out of each other... how can you go wrong...

Don't go in there expecting high cinema and amazing dialogue or whatever... Go expecting some over the top CGI characters beating each other up...

My only complaint is the tendency for the camera to shake during the fight scenes... made it a little disorienting figuring out who was fighting who... the black transformer fighting the dark gray transformer made it kind of difficult to figure out who was who...

that and i didn't bother to figure out their names... so someone would say something about Jazz fighting Starscream, or somesuch, and I'd have no idea who they were talking about... but it didn't matter who the robots were and what they transformed into, as the movie was about, as mentioned previously, giant robots beating the tar out of each other... who was beating who, didn't really matter all that much...

the final fight with Optimus Prime and Megatron was easy enough to figure out... and bumblebee, because he's all yellow and shit...

anyways, I'd highly recommend this movie... not the most realistic, or best movie ever, but still very enjoyable...

and my carrots were good today...

Oh, and they apparently kept the same voice for Optimus Prime as in the cartoons... which apparently is important to fanboys out there, but not to me...