Pale Rider

Clint Eastwood in a role where his character doesn't actually have a name. Just known as the Preacher due to the collar he wears at the beginning of the movie...

There's the whole beginning bit where not a lot happens, except that Eastwood convinces some folk to stand up against "the man" of some variety.

And then he proceeded to blow up some stuff with dynamite. And got saved by Jaws from James Bond.

And then ate some food. A bunch of people tried to sneak up on him and shoot him while he ate, but ended up putting a whole bunch of random holes into the saloon. At which point Eastwood asked them if they were finished, and then shot them all as they reloaded. Or at least those that didn't run away in a very goofy fashion.

I think I may have to elevate Clint Eastwood's standings on my Heterosexual Man Crush list. He's still below Richard Dean Anderson and Harrison Ford, but he's probably number 3 on the list right now... or at least he's the one I can remember right now, as I'm watching him in a movie. And he does have fancier hats than most Anderson of Ford characters, except for maybe Indy.

And now he just completely beat some guy in a quick-draw show down. By which I mean, he had his gun drawn and pointed, before the other guy even got the gun moving out of the holster. At which point the bad guy still attempted the draw after a brief bit of angry talking, and got six-gunned in the chest for his troubles. And then shot in the forehead. Moral of this story: Don't fuck with Eastwood.

And I just realized something. Earlier in the movie, there was snow all over the town. Now there's none in the final show-down... Hrm...

Watchmen

A short initial review (we'll see if I get motivated to write a longer one later):

Dear Doctor Manhattan:

Wear Pants.

Thanks.

Re-Infected

The end of the movie was pretty dum.

Apparently the dude's blood was toxic to the aliens, so he stuck his arm in some tube, which somehow delivered whatever protein was in his blood to a couple hundred people, in sufficient concentration to give them all immunity as well.

And then still managed to survive and bleed on the big bad guy to kill him...

Infected

Gil Bellows, Maxim Roy (2008) Two newspaper reporters work together to stop an alien conspiracy.

Appears to be a modern adaptation of my earliest memory of the internet. In 8th grade (the first time I ever remember using the internet), we had to do some sort project. Honestly, I can't remember what the purpose was, I only remember that I discovered a conspiracy theory stating that 50% of all humans were actually chickens in human suits.

Which is what this is. Only without the chickens. Its just aliens. Which is so much worse than it being chickens...

And apparently Judd Nelson doesn't own a comb. Or has some contractual obligation in all the movies he is in, that states that he cannot be clean-shaven or have combed hair. Or non-rumpled clothes...

More later. Let's see if I actually review the other half, or just watch it without commenting, and pretend it didn't happen.

Seriously?

You canceled "Life on Mars"? You rat bastards. That is quite possibly one of the best shows on TV right now. If you cancel Life on Mars, but keep the travesty that is Knight Rider, I'm just going to have to find you, and kick you squarely in the testicles. Repeatedly.

L.A. Confidential

There's a scene where Russel Crowe's character is interrogating some guy, and grabs his jibblies to incentivize him to talk. I wonder what sort of sounds the foley artist came up with for that scene...

I suppose that's why they pay them the big bucks. Anyone can make punching and walking noises, but it takes a certain kind of genius to come up with the perfect sound for Russel Crowe crushing some guy's balls.

Beowulf

This time its the 2007 version with the CG and all.

Beowulf needs to put on some damn pants. Apparently he likes to fight in the nude. Although the movie's doing a good job of keeping his jibblies off screen, being blocked by the random objects on screen.

Some weird perspective issues, but I guess that's the nature of the beast with a pure CG movie.

And some of the fight scenes, especially the one with the dragon, were very God of War esque, what the the chains and stuff...

And I thought it was very interesting how they showed the dragon roaring with an open mouth, and they showed something vibrating in the back of its throat, so it actually was sort of credible that it was making the sort of noise that it was.

Oh, and dragons apparently have terrifically small hearts. About the size of your fist. Even if the dragon is ginormously huge. I'm intrigued to know how well such a circulatory system would work... probably not all that well.

Viking funerals seem very inefficient. If multiple people from one ship died, did each get their own ship to be burned? Or did they have to build more ships just to burn them?

And Angelina Jolie's CG boobs apparently defy gravity.

And honestly, is there any better way I could end this review that with that last statement?