Sharktopus

Eric Roberts (2010) Genetically engineered, a monster that is half-shark and half-octopus goes on a killing spree.

Syfy Saturday movie from 9/25.

Intriguing first scene. Mainly due to the fact that it takes place on a beach populated only by bikini-clad women. And no dudes. Oh, and one shark. And a sharktopus.

Also, it would appear that the sharktopus has been developed for the navy as a covert capability. You'd think that in order to be more covert, they might have done something about the dorsal fin. Doubt its necessary for hydrodynamics when the ass-end of the beast is an octopus.

And it would appear that the first scene is pretty much gonna set the stage for the rest of the movie. Maybe the sharktopus just hates bikinis.

"They're just boobs. They're not gonna get up and dance or anything".

FYI.

Nope. Not just bikinis. Although the character in the one-piece swim suit managed to survive for a decent amount of time before she got sharktopussed.

Also, in case you were wondering, pelican's look really hilarious...

And now the octoshark has branched out from scantily clad females to douchebags. And their nerdy friends. And scantily clad yogaists. And apparently VW Beetles with the rear part of the roof cut off, so it looks completely ridiculous.

And earlier, someone who is eventually going to become a main character just made a joke about bad scifi movies. While acting in a bad scifi movie. Way to go. Breaking that fourth wall and whatever. And the only reason I know he's gonna be a main character is because he showed up in some promo thing with Josh Gates from Destination Truth blathering about this movie. Never seen that Destination Truth show, but the dude does seem to have a snarky sense of humor, which I might enjoy. But, sadly, its not gonna be enough to make me watch the show. Got enough TV already.

Also, I can't type today. Keep having to go back and fix typos. Its kinda annoying. Although, I haven't been spelling all too well this entire week. And i haven't been able to spell activities all week. Keeps coming out as activites. Which is not even a word. In case you were wondering.

And the main bad guy (who used to be Noah Bennet's boss on Heroes) just ordered a great big enormous scotch. I wonder how big it'll turn out to be. I'll keep you updated.

"Oh, Pez, I could just hug you right now... If you were better looking. And had better hygiene. Oh what the hell." Followed shortly by a hug, and Pez grabbing Random Reporter Woman's ass.

Also, there's a headline on CNN right now that states "U.S. apologizes for infecting Guatemalans with STDs".

And he was just finishing of his great big enormous scotch when the scene started. His last swallow/sip/whatever looked to be about the size of a standard scotch. And the glass itself was pretty big. So, it could have been pretty dang big.

Also the daughter of Mr. Evil (the bad guy. He hasn't exhibited any sort of doctoral tendencies, so he'll stick to being just Mr. However, you never know if he's working on his doctorate or not. Movie just doesn't go into enough detail on his character for him to be sure) seems to randomly lapse into a really fake and weird sounding British-type accent. And she is not nearly scantily clad enough to be a female character in this movie. Also, how many times did you have to read that first sentence (with the absurdly long and convoluted parenthetical clause) before it made sense?

Also, the medical practices in this movie are horrendous. Oh, look! You've got a horrendous gash on your leg. Let me fix you right up. By wrapping it in gauze. Without cleaning it, or cleaning off any of the copious amounts of blood on the leg. Or putting any pressure on the wound. Or any sort of other, you know, standard medical practices.

RIP Pez. You just got sharktopussed. You shall no longer be able to grab random people's asses mid-hug. Or just be generically creepy and weird. And the word shall be a poorer place because of it.

But it would appear that the person who I have described as going to be a main character eventually is gonna duy. Because they keep showing him getting sharktopussed in the lead up to Josh Gates' blatherings. Also, in what sick and twisted world did I decide that "duy" was an appropriate spelling for "die"? Man, I am really slipping. Just had to leave it in there for the sheer absurdity of the misspelling. Not even close.

Way to go random rich guy on boat: Just saw 3 douchebags on jet-skis et by the shartopus. And just goes back to his fishin'. Actually, never mind. Can't really blame him for that. Except for the whole him being a douchebag himself before.

Also, it would appear that one of those scoops that you see in the bulk foods aisle of supermarkets is not the ideal tool for scooping chum. Especially when its really liquidious.

Also, dear not that attractive woman: please just get eaten already. You're annoying.

And it looks like the Syfy Channel's kept up its awesomeness at naming movies. Next week's is called Monsterwolf. Sounds... uh... awesome?

Also, Mr. Evil is kinda a douche. And we all know how much Dr. Sharktopus likes eating douchebags. Also, I've awarded Sharktopus an honorary doctorate, because he's significantly more awesome than Mr. Evil. But Dr. Sharktopus is significantly less drunk than Mr. Evil.

Apparently, as I have learned from Josh Gates' random blathering with random actor guy, and the director, it would appear that the director of this movie killed a hobo once.

Quickly actors! Jiggle those fake guns. We'll totally comp in the muzzle flashes later. It'll look realistic. I swear. Sincerly, the director!

Also, in the ongoing battle between Dr. Sharktopus and Mr. Evil, it would appear that Dr. Sharktopus is significantly less sharktopussed than Mr. Evil.

Also, Mexican Cameraman Guy has some awful teeth. And an annoying accent. And really dumb hair.

And one question that just hit me, now that I'm almost done with the movie: how does Dr. Sharktopus poo? You gotta imagine, he's gotta poo like a fiend, due to all the scantily clad women and douchebags he keeps eating.