Flying Monkeys

'13. A teenager's pet monkey becomes and evil shape-shifter. Starring: Vince Ventresca, Electra Avellan.

Syfy Saturday movie from last night.

Apparently this takes place in Gale, Kansas.  And involves flying monkeys.  Wonder if this is going to try to obliquely reference the Wizard of Oz or if they're just going to come out and be obvious about it.

Unfortunately I haven't been paying enough attention to figure out whether the main character is named "Dorothy" or not.

Also, seems to star White Guy Laurence Fishburne.  Who appears to be an evil pet store owner.  Who will likely shoot his balls off at some point.  Storing a cocked pistol down the front of his pants.

And some guy who lookes like Jonas Quinn.  But with poofier hair and a pointier chin.

And the sassy Latina sidekick of the main character (Who may or may not be Dorothy.  But I think she isn't.  Because I think Poofy Pointy Jonas (playing Dorothy-esque's father) referred to her by some other name.  But I wasn't paying 100% attention.  So, I'll probably have to come up with my own name.  Unfortunately I'm apparently not being imaginative enough to come up with anything suitable.  Oh, and by the way, this last parenthetical bit was all about the main character, not the sassy Latina, whose name was mentioned about 5 seconds ago, but I already forgot).

Also, Dorothy-esque's boyfriend seems to be cheating on her with Cheerleader.  Who from certain angles looks a lot like Cameron Diaz.  The Cheerleader.  Not the boyfriend.  Because that would be weird.  And they both got murderized by the monkey shapeshifter thing.  Probably because of Cheerleader's father's heinous mustache.  Not that his mustache was anything particularly bad, it was just sort of a regular mustache.  But just having a mustache makes you look douchey no matter what.  Also, the slutty Cheerleader was named Chastity.  (Hey look!  I actually remembered a named!)  Which leads me to the conclusion that the seemingly virtuous main character is likely named "Gigantic Whore".  Because apparently they name things weird in Kansas.

Also, the movie description is wrong.  Its not a pet monkey becomes a shapeshipfter.  More of a shapeshifter becomes a girl's pet.  And apparently I don't hyphenate shapeshifter, yet the people who wrote the movie description don't.  Also, this monkey is apparently some sort of Chinese Monkey-Demon-Thing.  And thus must clearly be named Winston the Unstoppable.  Which is a much better name than "Skippy"  which is a dumb name.  So I'll stick with Winston the Unstoppable.

Also, apparently you can get a leash for a monkey.  Or monkeys have leashes built in.  It really hasn't been covered to my satisfaction by this movie.  (Also, note that I'm not referring to the monkey's tail.  Although I suppose that could work too.)

Also random farmer dude named his shotgun "Ol' Blue".  Good for him.

Gigantic Whore just saw Winston the Unstoppable do his shapeshifting number.  And is surprisingly calm about it.  I feel the logical reaction to your pet monkey turning into a giant, ugly, computer generated monkey thing would involve about 15 minutes of straight cursing and confusion.  And he isn't even furry.

Also, apparently if you kill a Winston the Unstoppable without an ancient Chinese blessed weapon, he turns into two Winston the Unstoppables.  And since I'm too lazy to come up with a name for each new one, and they seem to be being created at a relatively alarming clip, I'm just gonna refer to the whole series of them as Winston the Unstoppable.

And apparently everyone in Gale, Kansas has a Glock.

Also, Whitey Laurence Fishburne made reference to his friends Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson.  And has used two different guns.  A Beretta and Colt.  Neither of which are made by Smith and Wesson (as denoted by them being manufactured by Beretta and Colt).  And apparently his pet shop is in Wichita, not Gale.  Which excuses him for not having a Glock.

And now for the obligatory scantily clad female.  Sassy Latina is now taking a shower.  Which likely means she's gonna get murderized by a monkey.  But luckily she has discovered their apparent weakness.  Being covered in a translucent shower curtain and smacked lightly.

And now Sheriff TerribleMustache just gave Pointy Poofy Jonas a Glock.  And told him all he needed to do was remove the safety before shooting.  Which is advice that will likely get him killed.  Since he'll spend a fair bit of valuable time looking for something that don't exist.  Although the next time it came up, he just said point and pull the trigger.  Maybe TerribleMustache took the safety off for him.

Poor Scotty The Pizza Kid.  Got swarmed, attacked, and ate.

So glad that I decided not to name each individual Winston the Unstoppable.  Because there are a shit ton of them.  A veritable herd.  Or maybe swarm, since they're flying beasties.

And the swarm of Winston the Unstoppables was stopped by the power of love. Or something...