Collision Earth

'12. A top-secret military weapon must destroy the planet Mercury before it crashes into Earth. Starring: Kirk Acevedo, Dianne Farr. Director: Paul Ziller. From Canada.

Syfy Saturday movie from 1/14.

Kirk Acevedo, that name sounds familiar. Yup. Just like I thought, its that guy from Fringe. Charlie or whatever. The guy who was killed off in the original universe, and was infected by those worm thingies in the alternate one.

And now he seems to have been the guy in charge of some anti-asteroid whatsit. Which just lost funding. But luckily, it was right before it went online. So, it'll definitely come into play later. Because how many top-secret military weapons to destroy planet Mercuries can there actually be? I'm guessing just the one.

Although I would be much happier if it were named something other than "Project 7". Which is a pretty darn stupid name. I think I'd involve monkeys. But then again, when don't I involve monkeys if at all possible?

And somehow this spacecraft thing has artificial gravity. Which they turn off for entering Mercury's orbit. And it seems that Charlie's female of choice is on this spacecraft. Nautilus or something. And she seems to take off her seatbelts whenever she turns off the gravity. Or, actually, she just takes them off or puts them back on at rather random intervals. Probably because she wants something to do with her time. Also, I may just be looking for faults with this movie, but it does very much look like the actors are reading cue cards off the screen.

Oh, good. Now we get the mandatory conspiracy theorist characters. One who seems to be Neil Patrick Harris Gone Wrong. Or perhaps Poor-Man's Neil Patrick Harris. Or maybe even Poor-Man's Neil Patrick Harris Gone Wrong. And if he proceeds to be a more major character, he might even get himself a Dan's Daily Drivel Trademarked Acronym Name Thing.

Also, magnetar is a rather ridiculous name. Something about a star going super magnetic. Either that, or it is just a stupid word for a plot point. Probably a real thing, but I'm far too lazy to look it up for myself.

Also, now there are meteors or meteorites. Whichever are the ones that actually reach the ground. I never can remember. And true to Bad Sci Fi Movie Science, they seem to have guidance systems to chase after characters. Or more accurately Charlie and PMNPHGW and their respective compatriots.

Well, there you go. Acronymed. Now I wonder if he'll be important enough to warrant this amazing honor I have just bestowed on him.

Also, just saw a commercial for a Little Caesar's Pizza. Wasn't even sure that they still existed. Which reminds me. I should probably go track down something dinner related.

Victoria, we need to get a hold of Mission Ops.

Also, astronauts pronounce words very strangely. Oregon. Mercury. And that's just one conversation. I would try to phonetically spell out how they pronounce it, but that is far more effort than it is worth. In other news, these astronauts are the same ones I accused of reading cue cards earlier. So it is distinctly possible that they are reading it, and not thinking about what they are actually reading.

And now there apparently isn't enough power in the reverse thrusters. This being a Sci Fi movie, I'd have to suggest that they reverse the polarity. But instead they're reducing power. Which is somehow necessary for turning around. I think they would have been more successful reversing the polarity.

But luckily for Ms. Whatserface, they completed the maneuver before Pilot Dude died. Oh, Ms. Whatserface is Charlie's female of choice referenced earlier. Apparently his wife. Thanks Charlie, for making that relationship clear right as I am typing a sentence about her.

And now to add to the guided meteor(ite)s apparently a ridiculous amount of magnetic whosawhatsit is following Charlie around. Affecting stuff mere feet from his car, without affecting the car itself.

Also, I really despise that Geico commercial with the pig who goes "whee" (which in fact is a noise, not actually a euphemism for peeing, like you'd probably expect from this blog. Because we're classy like that here at Dan's Daily Drivel). They really shouldn't have brought it back for another one. Twas annoying in the first one, when the character was actually related to the topic at hand. Now, they're moving the character to another situation entirely, and its damned annoying. So, let that be a lesson to you, Geico. Your lizard thing is annoying enough. The pig is worse. Oh, and don't even get me started on that caveman...

This movie has the weirdest laws of electromagnetism.

You have to recalculate the planet's trajectory. Based on magnetism.

You're not factoring in the magnetism. You have to recalculate.

Oh, good. Now in addition to character-seeking meteor(ite)s, we have magnetic field seeking Mercuries. Or, to be precise, only one of those. But its still a pretty dang big one of those. So, it could count for double. Maybe even triple.

And now Mercury is stealing all of Seattle's cars. Although there weren't any particularly nice ones. I think I'd have gone for Maranello. But I'm not a super-magnetized planet. So, what do I really know.

And a flaming car just dropped on some guy. Where did the car come from? Why was it on fire? Who the hell knows. It was dramatically convenient for it do do so and be so. So it did and was.

And it appears that CaptainAcronym survived.

Although one wonders how Whatserface is gonna get back to earth, since I'm relatively certain her computer told her that her heat shield thing was compromised earlier. So, good luck with that whole reentry of the Earth's atmosphere thing.

Which is probably why they ended the movie before showing that.