Doomsday Prophecy

(V, L) '11. Officials race against time to counteract geological disturbances that threaten the planet. Starring: A.J. Buckley, Jewel Staite. Director: Jason Bourque. From Canada.

Syfy Saturday movie from this past Saturday.

You know what every bad sci fi movie that the Syfy channel shows needs? That this one has.

Yeah. If you know me well enough, and you've read the description, you'll probably know the answer to that question.

And that answer, of course, if Jewel Staite. Who is, frankly, the only reason that I'm actually reviewing this movie. Especially after the whole Eureka cancellation travesty. And those two things are likely the only things I'll be talking about during this review.

Actually, you know what this movie needs? In addition to Jewel Staite, of course. A crotchety old guy. Sadly Don S. Davis is no longer with us. As I remember that he made a pretty awesome crotchety old guy in that Wyvern movie. That other guy in the movie who played the role of alternate COG. I hope he's in this movie. E was also pretty fantastic. But significantly less General Hammondish.

So, you figure out what COG meant? Its an acronym. Or abbreviation. Or whatever. It stands for Crotchety Old Guy. I do hope you figured it out. Because I used the acronym and its meaning in adjoining sentences.

And Beardy McMainCharacterGuy just touched some thing, and seemingly hallucinated the end of the world. And Jewel Staite. That's the sort of hallucination I can get behind. Because I'm not sure I've mentioned it recently. But, Jewel Staite is hot.

And there is an old guy. Sadly, not very crotchety. Unless one can be crotchety after death. (I'm calling him "not very crotchety" because he's dead). Seems less crotchety, and more insane. Even though he's dead, with the wonders of modern video camera technology, people can speak from beyond the grave! Spooky!

Also, in other news: STOP CANCELLING EUREKA, JERKASSES!

Ahem... sorry. Had to get that out of my system. But seriously, if you decide to cancel Warehouse 13 as well, there'll be really nothing worth watching on Syfy. Because that new show they came out with, Alphas, is crap. I managed a whole season of Flash Gordon and about a season of Sanctuary. So, my tolerance for bad TV shows is relatively high. But, I lasted about 10 minutes into the 2nd episode of Alphas before I came to the conclusion I had no idea what was going on, and hadn't paid attention to the TV for the entire episode thus far. So, that one got deleted, and removed from the DVR series recording thingy.

And now, a half hour later (with a half hour to go), I should probably update you all on the most pressing issue:

Jewel Staite: Still hot.

Also for referencing having a fight earlier in the movie, you certainly do suck at fighting, there, Beardy...

Poor Jupiter. Just got eated by the dark star thing that is the cause of all this jibba jabba.

Also, this movie has a couple of cliches that I haven't seen in a while. The crazy military general who does everything he does claiming to be a patriot. The old Native American shaman guy who has visions and randomly assists the main character in solving whatever stupid and ridiculous quest he might be on at the given moment in time. And if there were more than 5 minutes of the movie left, I'd probably make that into a ridiculous and awesome acronym, and use it incessantly. But, its far too late for that now.

Also, apparently the big, funny lookin' heads on Easter Island are some sort of planetary defense mechanism. Also, they have friends somewhere in Canada.

Also, Jewel Staite: still hot.