The 12 Disasters of Chrismas

'12. Massive earthquakes and other natural disasters threaten to destroy the world during the holidays.  Starring: Ed Quinn, Magda Apanowicz, Holly Elissa, Ryan Grantham, Scarlett Bruns, Donnely Rhodes. Director: Stephen R. Monroe.

Syfy Saturday Movie from Dec 8.

Figured it was about time that I reviewed one of these guys again.  I've got this one, and the one from the week before on the DVR.

That one had Jonas Quinn.  This one has Nathan Stark, Doc Cottle, and the hot girl from Caprica.  Hoping for some quality crotchetiness from Doc Cottle.

Although, it looks like Doc Cottle's going for the crazy old man in this one, rather than the crotchety old man which he excels at so well. But we're only a little bit into the movie, so hopefully there'll be time for him to fix that.

Looks like Magda (the hot one from Caprica) is gonna be the main character in this one...  And her dad is Nathan Stark.  And her grandpa is Doc Cottle.  She's got quite the awesome pedigree to live up to.

That, and her friend just got skooshed by a car.

Apparently the Mayans wrote the song about the 12 Days of Christmas concerning the end of the world.  Something about the conquistadors.  But I wasn't really paying attention.  And Magda is "the chosen one".  And apparently of Mayan ancestry.  Or something.

Also, apparently they all live in the town of Calvary.  And Magda's name is "Jacey".  Pronounced "J C".  Hmmmm...  Wonder what they could be going for with that.  So subtle and clever, these writers are...

Also, throughout this movie, it seems that they have paid for a shattering animation.  So, anything that gets damaged in any sort of way seems to shatter.  Including, apparently Donnely Rhodes.  Damn you Doc Cottle, being not immune to becoming a Docsicle.

And, true to form, I have had nothing to say for the last half hour or so.  Too busy futzing about on the internet.  And with a lack of Doc Cottle, my interest has waned some.

Also, just called Stark getting shot before it happened.  But probably wasn't all that hard to figure out.  But either way, I'm awesome.  But, in other news, I'm going to start another sentence with but.  But I have nothing else to say in this paragraph.  But you should realize that really isn't gonna stop me from talking.  Butt.

And they got an incineration effect as well.  Must have been a package deal with the shattering from earlier.

Oh, good.  Now J.C. needs to climb the rock that she was unable to climb at the beginning of the movie.  In order to save the world.  Or some shit.  Seems like she should have just walked up the back side of the face, rather than climbing it in her street shoes.  But, since this movie is close to being finished, she managed it.  Although that would have been a pretty sweet ending.

Also, they seem to have covered the "person is fireproof due to special abilities, but her clothes aren't".  But nary a blurred scifi boob to be seen.  Alas.

And I'm relatively certain that the dog saved the world.  The problems started, the dog ran away; the problems ended, the dog came back.  I think this movie was just to distract humanity from the true heroics of the dog.  It didn't want to become famous for its role in saving the world, so it funded the movie to take all the attention away.